New mum....failing :(

poet123

sooty&sweep wrote: »

Hi

Please please please don't let this turn into a breast v bottle debate.

We all do what we feel is right for ourselves, our baby and the whole family at the time. Being a mum is hard enough without throwing critism at each other. Frankly it's not what the poster needs right now !!

For me as a mum I always worry whether I've made the right decision or done as much as I can for my children.
I'm past the breast / bottle debate and my current worry is whether I've chosen the right secondary school for my son. Different issue but still worried as it will effect the rest of his life.
For me I'm just learning that I will always be worrying about something but all I can do is to try and make the best decision I can on the information I have available.

Jen

I agree this thread is not the place for it. However, the reasons why this happens are evident on this thread and are also why the OP feels as she does. I do agree with the rest of your post though.

FBaby

Nicki wrote: »

My post to which you have taken such exception related to you saying that YOU were upset because the OP believed BF was best and you had FF.

I wrote no such thing at all, maybe you might want to read my post again. I said I was upset at the fact that she thought her son would be disadvantaged if not breastfed, not that I was upset she believed BF was best. Others did point out that you'd misunderstood my post.

OP stated that she was grateful for comments about how other posters' children have grown to be fine despite being bottlefed, which what I did. Telling her that you don't get the same bond with your baby bottlefeeding than you do breastfeeding is an opinion, a judgemental one, and one that certainly won't make OP feel too good about a situation she feels she has no choice over.

My last post here, I don't have anything else valuable to say that will help OP.

Kimberley

I'm so glad the majority of you are supporting this new mum. I hope the Op does not feel guilty reading the unwelcome comments on here. I couldn't feed my kids as babies myself, I had to bottlefeed because i was not producing enough milk. I found bonding with my children just as good as if i were breastfeeding. I'm sure these mothers who abuse their kids breastfed them as babies, who knows but Op please do not feel bad if you decide to bottlefeed. Your baby is loved and thats all that matters x

mumps

Kimberley wrote: »

I'm sure these mothers who abuse their kids breastfed them as babies, who knows

Are you saying mothers who breastfeed their babies are child abusers? I don't know of any statistics so if you have any to indicate that bottle fed babies are not abused by their mothers we would all like to hear it. If you don't have that proof perhaps you would like to apolgise to moms who have breastfed (which of course includes the OP who has worked hard to do what she believes is best just like most of us do) I would like to assure you that as someone who has breastfed my children I have never abused any of them.

bazzaboo

Havent read all of the thread but just incase no one has mentioned it, have you tried nipple shields? I had 2 prems, first one at 35wks and 2nd born at 32 wks. First one wasnt able to latch on until a midwife gave me a nipple shield and first try he was sucking away. I never got him of the nipple shield afterwards and fed him for 3 mths.
Second one was in neonatal care for 1 month and at wk 3 we tried her with the breast, poor thing didnt know what to do. Tried the nipple shield and hey presto it worked. Whenever I fed her I first tried without the shield and after a wk or so she managed it and I succesfully fed her for 14 mths until she got fed up with it and preferred real food. I would have happily carried on.
There is still a chance for your baby to successfully breastfeed but if he doesnt its not the end of the world and baby will thrive and love you no matter what milk it got.

Kimberley

mumps wrote: »

Are you saying mothers who breastfeed their babies are child abusers? I don't know of any statistics so if you have any to indicate that bottle fed babies are not abused by their mothers we would all like to hear it. If you don't have that proof perhaps you would like to apolgise to moms who have breastfed (which of course includes the OP who has worked hard to do what she believes is best just like most of us do) I would like to assure you that as someone who has breastfed my children I have never abused any of them.

No not at all, i mean't that no matter how you feed your baby it's love that really matters. I suppose i should have said that if breastfeeding babies bonds mother and baby better then bottlefed babies then you wouldn't get these mothers who abuse or let others abuse their children if they had breastfed. I guess i just put it down wrong. I didn't mean to offend.

Nicki

FBaby wrote: »

I wrote no such thing at all, maybe you might want to read my post again. I said I was upset at the fact that she thought her son would be disadvantaged if not breastfed, not that I was upset she believed BF was best. Others did point out that you'd misunderstood my post.
.

In which case, and particularly if it will stop the thread descending into bickering, I apologise for misunderstanding. This was the post which I commented on, and only as an attempt to ward off the risk that the thread would go the way it ended up doing, into a debate over which was best, and posters getting upset that others had different views.

FBaby wrote: »

However, I do feel upset that you seem to strongly believe that your baby will be disadvantaged because of it. Yes, there are many studies showing that breastfeeding is better but remember that better doesn't mean that not doing it is bad. No one in my family was breastfed. We've all done extremely well academically, none of us had behaviour problems, we are all slim, and very healthy....

A calm comment that the post had been read by me in a way you hadn't intended may have been more helpful to OP than a series of rants however, not least when as many people agreed with my reading of the post as yours.

I'd also like to point out that the comments you imply I made about the benefits of breast feeding were made by meritaten, and that I have emphatically made no statement about which I consider to be best for mum or baby on this thread, as I personally don't think that's helpful to OP at this stage nor what she is asking (nor the rows which some have tried to start here)

mumps

bazzaboo wrote: »

Havent read all of the thread but just incase no one has mentioned it, have you tried nipple shields? I had 2 prems, first one at 35wks and 2nd born at 32 wks. First one wasnt able to latch on until a midwife gave me a nipple shield and first try he was sucking away. I never got him of the nipple shield afterwards and fed him for 3 mths.
Second one was in neonatal care for 1 month and at wk 3 we tried her with the breast, poor thing didnt know what to do. Tried the nipple shield and hey presto it worked. Whenever I fed her I first tried without the shield and after a wk or so she managed it and I succesfully fed her for 14 mths until she got fed up with it and preferred real food. I would have happily carried on.
There is still a chance for your baby to successfully breastfeed but if he doesnt its not the end of the world and baby will thrive and love you no matter what milk it got.

Brilliant idea, I had forgotten them and I used them when I had cracked nipples.

meritaten

Nicki wrote: »

In which case, and particularly if it will stop the thread descending into bickering, I apologise for misunderstanding. This was the post which I commented on, and only as an attempt to ward off the risk that the thread would go the way it ended up doing, into a debate over which was best, and posters getting upset that others had different views.



A calm comment that the post had been read by me in a way you hadn't intended may have been more helpful to OP than a series of rants however, not least when as many people agreed with my reading of the post as yours.

I'd also like to point out that the comments you imply I made about the benefits of breast feeding were made by meritaten, and that I have emphatically made no statement about which I consider to be best for mum or baby on this thread, as I personally don't think that's helpful to OP at this stage nor what she is asking (nor the rows which some have tried to start here)

You are correct Nicki - those comments were made by me - not you!
I honestly didnt think it would upset the OP as in her Original Post she plainly states that she has been feeding her baby herself for 10 days and is struggling! she already knows that amazing feeling of 'feeding the baby herself'.
The OP has also given the baby its best possible start by supplying the baby with colostrum - the early milk which contains the most benefits to the newborn baby. So much so, that the maternity units I was on used to ask BF mums if they would donate some for the babies on the special care unit.
I applaud the OP for her determination to BF and would absolutely love to be able to go round and help her in person! its difficult to give the right advice on a forum! its also difficult when other posters castigate you for passionately believing in breastfeeding and feeling that the medical profession are making it difficult for new mums with the (often conflicting) advice they give.

I also made the point to the OP in my first post that whatever she did would be RIGHT! she has tried hard and if she hasnt succeeded its not for want of desire or hard work!
She must do what is right for both her and the baby - and if that is bottle feeding - then I wish her the best! I would like to make THAT plain!
some people have blown my comments out of all proportion!!!!

Mrs_Optimist

OP congratulations on the birth of your baby.

I completely empathise. I struggled (god how I struggled) when DD was born. I persisted BF even though she was rapidly losing weight, because I felt guilty that I couldn't feed her. The result was that she ended up in hospital at one month old, for a week because she was so malnourished. The decision whether to continue BF was taken out of my hands by the Doctors who fed her formula without any discussion with me. I can clearly remember her gulping the whole bottle down before promptly vomiting it back up again, through her nose and mouth too - projectile vomiting was an understatement. She was tested for Cystic Fibrosis because they thought that there may be a medical condition preventing her from digesting the milk, but that wasn't it. In spite of the fact that I have more than ample milk stores(E cup!) I simply coudn't breastfeed and once I realised that,I had to put her needs before any guilt I felt. And I did feel guilty. I still do to a certain extent. But as someone else said, being a Mum is all about guilt. You are clearly a good mum, don't beat yourself up about it. The first few days of milk carry most of the antibodies the baby needs and you are already way past that stage so you have done your bit.

My DD is now 13 and is healthy, strong, bright, beautiful. I wish with hindsight that I hadn't wasted so much time beating myself up about not being able to BF her, spent less time worrying when I should have been enjoying her. DS was born 3 years later. I had a good attempt at breastfeeding but again I struggled. That time I was well prepared with a tin of forumla and guess what, I enjoyed him all the more becaise I didn't worry that I was failing him, I was more relaxed because there are worse things in life that could happen and I was grateful to have two healthy happy children. Enoy the time now, don't waste it worrying, time flies and before you know it he will be a teenager with a whole new load of guilt to burden you with!