Why do i have to ask?...

Memory_Girl

Right - that's the goal for my year sorted - time to start ramping up the training for my boys.

At three - can the littlie take over the ironing??? I could stand him on a chair:D

MG

rosalie-lavender

OneWickedSon wrote: »

...At the risk of this turning into a "LOL, Men" thread.

The ability to clean has very little to do with gender and very much to do with upbringing and attitude.

That is certainly true in my DH's case. His mum waited on my DH and his dad hand and foot and in fact was expected to even when she was ill. I had a terrible time with my DH when we first got together because he thought everything was woman's work and couldn't make out why three small children under four made for mess. I was forever being told how his mum kept everything clean and this person or that person manages so much better than you. Looking back I wonder how on earth I ever put up with it, especially as DH wasn't working at the time. The day my eldest started to speak to me like his dad did was the day I started to put my foot down a bit and things did start to improve.

DH has improved over the years and will do a lot more than he used to but he still can't/won't cook and I still do the majority of the cleaning.

His Mum thinks it is absolutely amazing when he does the most basic of things like washing up and if he cooks so much as a piece of toast she thinks he has created a miracle!

Abbafan1972

My DH is very good, as he does do a lot of the cooking (he cooked Xmas dinner!), quite often he will say "is there anything you want me to do" and he does wash up etc.

I have 2 DD's, the one often complains she's bored and likes to do jobs around the house, the other one is quite happy to play on the Wii and is quite oblivious to what goes on around her!

[Deleted User]

Spendless wrote: »

males seeing a 'narrower' vision that woman can. Of course how much is they can't and how much is they don't want to is anyones guess.

spot on. They can and do see what needs doing and my dh will actually do stuff without me asking.

many males are much lazier and will take advantage and it is women who let them get away with it. The so called `martyr syndrome`

Becles

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

Children are just vile, disgusting, horrible beasts.

:rotfl::rotfl:

I lost my temper last night I'm really poorly at the moment with a heavy cold and a cough, and I'm on my own with three children, so it's not like I can just rest and recuperate.

Got the little one into bed last night and said to the older two (who'd been glued to the TV practically all day!), that I was having a soak in the bath, then it was my turn on the sofa with the TV. I asked if they could pick the toys up and put them away. Not much considering they'd done nothing else to help all day.

Came down all chilled and relaxed and they begrudgingly peeled themselves off the sofa, and then I realised that I couldn't see the sitting room floor as nobody had cleared away the toys like I'd asked them to do, and the sofa was covered in sweet wrappers, cellophane and various bits of discarded packaging from toys they'd opened during the day :mad:

Also the DVD remote has vanished off the face of the earth again, simply because nobody can be bothered to put the remotes back on the cabinet when they've finished with them. It'll be stuffed in some random place or kicked under the furniture or something.

time2deal

Memory_Girl wrote: »

Right - that's the goal for my year sorted - time to start ramping up the training for my boys.

At three - can the littlie take over the ironing??? I could stand him on a chair:D

MG

I must admit I have a clear memory of standing on a stool doing the washing up, and my brother (18 months older) was next to me drying up. In the time pre-dishwashers.

I *think* it has helped him, he certainly seems more involved with looking after kids etc, but not too much - but his wife is a SAHM so she does most of it. I also think his wife wouldn't let him get away with doing nothing.

On another point though - I hate asking for 'help'. Because asking for help implicitly accepts that it is *my* job, and you are doing me a favour by helping out. Chores should be everyone's job, and I think the language around it does no-one any favours.

If your OH or kids feels they are 'helping' out, then it never really becomes their job, so they can feel self-satisfied in reducing your burden, when it reality it should be joint.

Does that make sense? I just think we do ourselves no favours by asking for help, as it just makes the basic job seem more and more our responsibility.

OneWickedSon

time2deal wrote: »

...On another point though - I hate asking for 'help'. Because asking for help implicitly accepts that it is *my* job, and you are doing me a favour by helping out. Chores should be everyone's job, and I think the language around it does no-one any favours.....

This x100.

There is a huge difference between: "Do you want me to help with that?" and "Here, let me do that for you..."

dibuzz

I often feel like giving up. None of my kids help without being asked but worse than that I get "yeah in a minute" over and over again until I just do it myself.
They are also incapable of shutting doors and turning lights off.

KxMx

OneWickedSon wrote: »

...At the risk of this turning into a "LOL, Men" thread.

The ability to clean has very little to do with gender and very much to do with upbringing and attitude.

Yes I would agree with this 100%. My brother and I were both raised to have one toy out at a time, and if we wanted another, we had to put one away before getting another out, I was allowed to get my own squash at an early age on the understanding I cleaned up any spills.

I'm afraid far too many mums do all the work and then wonder why no-one is helping out, it's just making a rod for their own backs!

The best way to learn them late in life is for them to go without- OH suddenly realises he hasn't any clean shirts will soon know to make sure he has some next time.

Don't just end up doing it for them; as that reinforces the message that you will do it next time, and the time after that, and the time after that...

Becles wrote: »

Also the DVD remote has vanished off the face of the earth again, simply because nobody can be bothered to put the remotes back on the cabinet when they've finished with them. It'll be stuffed in some random place or kicked under the furniture or something.

Well when they want to watch a dvd again they will have to get off their bums and find the remote won't they

I find when consequences are suffered people do alter their habits.

coolcait

Nothing at all to do with gender. Left to my own preferences in terms of 'what really matters in life', tidying up wouldn't be top priority.

Your expectations of cleanliness, and how to achieve it, are different from the rest of your family's expectations. Ditto your expectations of 'tidy' and 'what needs doing'.

So, if you want your family to meet your expectations, you'll have to tell them i) what those expectations are, and ii) what you need them to do in order to achieve those expectations.

Don't 'expect' them to read your mind and magically do what you 'expect' them to do - and then mump about the fact that you have a family who have no ESP, and you ended up doing all the work...

My approach to it is:

"This, that and the other needs to be done.

We're doing it between us. We will share out the work - evenly - between us. We'll take ten minutes to decide what everyone is doing, then we'll all start carrying out our tasks.

xboxes, playstations, DS-s, tellys, DVD players, computers, ipods, and any other electronic devices that I haven't thought of (whether we currently own them or not) will be switched of from NOW, UNTIL ALL OF THE WORK IS COMPLETED.

If you have not completed your task, and others have, then it is your job to persuade them that you need help, and your job to explain why you have been unable to complete your task as quickly as they did.

I will not intervene unless serious bickering breaks out, at which point ALL OF THE AFOREMENTIONED (ALBEIT IMPLICITLY) ELECTRONIC DEVICES WILL BE OFF LIMITS FOR 24 HOURS!!"

It won't appeal to anyone who expects their families to 'just know' what (they think) 'needs to be done'.

But, by all known deities, it works in my house!:eek::eek::rotfl:

(They also know that there will be chocolate -should they wish it - when all tasks are completed).