New Year, New Me is here!

thrifty_fifty

Well after tv saga, we have decided that we can survive without one until payday.

Today was hell yet again, so much so that I ended up having a meltdown in the ladies this morning, only to emerge to see four other colleagues in there doing the same. We had a good old 1/2 hour in there, discussing why we had come to such a situation and realised that we have all been feeling the same. This has to stop.

On a lighter note I gave the brow lady very specific instructions as to how I wanted the brows shaping, after last times disaster. I'm am now the owner of normally shaped eyebrows and not two weird squiggly lines. Yay!

deeleybopper

Hi sorry to hear about tv
I suggest iplayer online
Or freecycle...we got a great telly off there when
Oh was made redundant and ours packed up.
Hth

thrifty_fifty

So today is the day of going to the docs. I'm quite looking forward to this session as I hope to come out armed with some stuff to change my way of thinking. I'm also looking forward to it because it means I'm not at work for so long today.

last night was a wasted evening, and all because of work again. If deadlines are not met today and things do not happen, tough crap, I don't care.

thrifty_fifty

Got to the docs yesterday only to be told that my appointment was cancelled because of sickness. Grrr.

yesterday was pretty pants, so when we went out for dinner it was a rare occasion that I asked OH to drive so I could have a drink.

2 large glasses of white wine, got home and the room was spinning, and I thought it was going to be head over the loo time. I was 18 all over again. Clearly quite out of practice. Just give me a cuppa any day.

Will spend majority of today huddled over work desk, eating various junk food. xx

thrifty_fifty

Bleugh my head hurts.I know you always tell yourself this when you're hungover, but never again.

Baldybear

Hello thrifty, have followed your diaries for a few year but never commented.

Just thought I would drop my thoughts, please feel free to ignore and tell me to sod off

You seem to have come on a long journey, both emotionally and debt wise and nearly at the end of one and in so bringing up all the emotions of what seems to be stored underneath. You have dealt with the debt and now everything that was at the bottom of the pile is surfacing.

I too highly recommend CBT, so angry that they cancelled your appointment, hope they manage to sort another one out soon. Its all about training your mind to think differently and to approach things in a different way. Am glad you managed to speak to your other colleagues and they seem in a similar situation, is the work thing can this be sorted out by a different way of managing as its not just you who are suffering?

Hope you can move on, you seem to have a great life with a lovely OH and great plans for the future. Try not to worry about what others think, a lot of people would do anything to be in your shoes, and try not to let the past drag you down. Enjoy what you have, the small things in life that seem to make you happy and move forward with how YOU want it too

Am waffling a bit, but hope it makes some sort of sense.

thrifty_fifty

Thanks Bb, some sound advice there

Absolutely tired out after that week. Pretty much slept from the moment I came in from work. Had a wonderful nights sleep but still feel totally wiped out, so today I'm just going to read my book.

OH and I have next friday, my DFD, off and we're going to buy a new tv. This is so exciting as this is the first thing we have bought as a couple, and it's just nice to be able to do this. I've always had hand me downs or things that will just do, so to be able to go out and choose and buy something (and with cash) is going to be the most amazing feeling in the world.

Still a bit all over the place emotionally. Excited and happy to be coming toward the end of my journey, so tears of joy as I can see the old me coming back, but still a little worn out by it all, and the crazily stressful time at work. Honestly, what a nightmare I am. I cry when I'm happy and I cry when I'm stressed- I wouldn't say I was unhappy though-well the work thing has to change for sure- for this amount of stress I should be getting at least 30k a year, and I'm on no way near that.

And yesterday even though I'm in my overdraft I bought a lovely lunch which I really enjoyed-granary bread with sun dried tomatoes, pesto mayonnaise, mozzarella and tomato. Mmmm

thrifty_fifty

Ah sunday morning. OH went out last night to his friends which was really nice for him, and I caught up on some trash tv on iplayer. I know you'll laugh at me, but I just can't help watching this rubbish. I really am intrigued as to how these 21-24 year olds are walking round in designer togs, partying away, have massively expensive cars and huge houses? Is there a big money pit in Essex?

So today I actually will rest. Spent yesterday charging around doing housework, and finally put some clothing into the charity shop/bin bags. I have all these lovely clothes and I'm walking around wearing the same old stuff. Time to shine-get those clothes on, girly!

Hmmm, maybe I might catch up on a spot of my big fat gypsy wedding. I know, I know.

thrifty_fifty

I thought it might be appropriate at this stage in my journey to re-read over my old diaries. I've noticed that there are recurring things that pop up, and also notice that entries in my diary at this time of year always seem to be on the despairing side. Maybe it's just after a long winter and by february you are just waiting for the sunnier days to arrive.

An interesting thing was that on the day before I returned to work after the Christmas break last year I was all panicky, and that was even before I was doing this new job. I guess that shows that something needs to change in that regard.

Really have to say the sunshine has perked me up, and no stomach pains today from being stressy, so that's good.

thrifty_fifty

Wow it will be 4 days to go, tomorrow. I know I am going on and on about it. So what will I buy the paypacket after this one? Most likely a new boob hammock. This one has started to sprout lycra hairs which means it's on its way out-don't want my partners in crime to make a break for it unexpectedly!!. I've only had it 4 months, so perhaps need to pay a little more for the next one. Shame on you m&s, your tights went the same way after only a couple of weeks.