are we the only ones who do this..?

LilacPixie

dorset lady, start billing him for cooking and cleaning. Worth alot more han 6k a year I would suggest.

eyeopener2

Hi Dorset Lady

I know it's not right to question somebodys choices, as we wouldn't be on here if we had made the right ones, but your OH seems to be a bully and is treating you like a slave (aplogies if that is over the top). Are you sure you want to continue living your life this way? Id do what the other poster said and start by refusing to cook and clean.

You seem very unhappy Dorset Lady

Not sure a pre-nup would be legally binding if you were forced into signing it. And are pre- nups legally binding anyway? I know there was a case last year where two super rich people had a case and it was upheld but in this case?

E2

eyeopener2

Dorset LAdy

MAybe you should post a Pre Nup question on the Relationship/Families Board on here because a quick google search tells me that they are not as legally binding as you may think. The laws regarding Divorce are the same where property and assests are concerned and a Pre Nup MAY be taken ino consideration but so is all your cooking, cleaning, looking after him, your personal situation, your earning capacity after any divorce (no i'm not saying divorce i'm just pointing out the situation)

Hes using this as a tool to enslave you, and its not the big stick that you think it is.

Please think about what you want out of life and if this isn't it, change it.

E2

milliemonster

I have to say we have always shared everything, me and my hubby have been together since 1995, we got our first joint account at the end of that year to start saving a deposit for a house and ever since then we have shared everything, we married in 1997 and are still here together happy many years later.

We don't have any single accounts now we have 2 joint accounts that we use that both our salaries go into and everything we spend comes out of whether its bill, savings, presents etc. It's never been an issue for us as we always consult on buying anything for us or the kids, what we need to save for etc etc, we have never seen it as his money or my money, just 'ours', I tend to do all the budgeting though and he leaves me to it but it works for us.

Firewalker

We share everything and I can't see the point in having it any other way. I did publish an article about this one on my blog and had interesting comments of warning: relationships break, things change etc. May be, but I didn't marry him 20 odd years ago to lead a separate life. What is the point of getting married if you want 'separateness'?

Firewalker

silverbells

i agree with you firewalker..

and dorset lady-you realy should have a think about what it is that you are getting out of this relationship. you may well be well off after he dies but what about right now? what are you getting out of this marriage. i think its terrible that your husband is so well off yet you are working all hours to make money. he should be providing for you if he has so much money. my OH often says he feels he should be able to manage all the bills and mortgage himself so i have the option of not working if i want to, which is nice, although i enjoy working so am happy to carry on for now but i know if i ever stopped working he would take care of things financially and i wouldnt feel as if i was a burden on him. thats not what marriages are about. and i think its shocking that he was even thinking of charging you interest on that money-you're his wife for goodness sake!!

dorsetlady

silverbells wrote: »

i agree with you firewalker..

and dorset lady-you realy should have a think about what it is that you are getting out of this relationship. you may well be well off after he dies but what about right now? what are you getting out of this marriage. i think its terrible that your husband is so well off yet you are working all hours to make money. he should be providing for you if he has so much money. my OH often says he feels he should be able to manage all the bills and mortgage himself so i have the option of not working if i want to, which is nice, although i enjoy working so am happy to carry on for now but i know if i ever stopped working he would take care of things financially and i wouldnt feel as if i was a burden on him. thats not what marriages are about. and i think its shocking that he was even thinking of charging you interest on that money-you're his wife for goodness sake!!

I won't be well off after he dies. I'll have the house but will have to pay any outstanding balance to his children (who are well off anyway). He did make me sign something to this effect but I don't think that they can legally enforce it. (I have no intention of paying it back in this situation)

his_missus

silver bells - no, you're not the only ones. Me and DH are very open about everything financially from what we both earn to how much each of us spends. We do borrow money from each other, but it never gets paid back What's his is mine and what's mine is his, including our debts.

I find it strange that my married friends keep their money separate even secret. Work got our wages mixed up last month and one of the lads in DH's office said, "Cripes, she'll know what you earn now" DH said, " She already does" Mind you, this was the guy who allowed his wife to buy his old iphone when he got a new one - do you know how much he could have got for it on Ma$uma?:eek:
Most of my friends get DH/OH to pay "housekeeping" or they share bills/shopping exactly half each, bemuses me!

Kitte

My partner is not very good with money and I am a Financial Analyst by trade, so she is happy for me to manage all the finances.

She has a debit card and let me knows what she spends. She does enjoy this lack of involvement as she has no idea when she gets paid unlike the rest of her colleagues at work!

Our finances are completely transparent and there are absolutely no secrets. I make a point of keeping her 'up to date' on our finances, even though she isn't that interested.

Our finances are complete joined and there is absolutely no "his" or "her" money. I'm paid about 35% more than she is so she's getting a good deal

2bFrank

People work out their money in different ways, its what works for them. We have a joint account, were we both contribute to the bills and mortgage, we have a jouint savings account to save for a wedding, and then we have seperate accounts for our own expenses. We made a budget and we know where all our money is spent, but we both have a small budget for spends each month (i.e. going out, buying things). We spend this money on what the hell we want, for example if I want to buy a new xbox game, or waste a few pounds going out with the lads, then why on earth should I have to check if this is ok with the missus if I spend it. Plus its the same the other way round, the OH spent a bomb on a stupid decoration for xmas, it was mad expensive and no doubt will be 90% off in the sales by now, but as long as it comes out of her spends, then who am I to say what she can or cannot buy.

If you get to ridged with your spending and have to consult each other and check on each other, you run the risk of being too controlling. If my missus asked for my personal bank login and password to check up on me, we wouldnt be together, however she never would ask as we trust each other.