are we the only ones who do this..?

silverbells

i hope i havent come across as smug at all. that really wasn't my intention. i just wanted to get an idea of how common it was to keep money matters separate in relationships. it must be difficult if you are trying to save money or pay off debts, if you dont know exactky where money is bieng spent? how do people who keep money seperate handle this? or is it a case of 'your debt' 'my debt', and you just cocentrate on paying your own debts without burdening your partner with a debt that isn't theirs?

silverbells

DebtfreeBY40 wrote: »

My husband and I do exactly the same but I don't think that makes us anything special, its just how we manage that part of our relationship, what's right for us. Otherwise I think we would argue about what we spent money on. Horses for courses I guess.

ofcourse, i wanst suggesting that we are special for doing this, when i said 'unique' i just meant that i have a feeling we manage things differently to a lot of poeple, at least diffrently to a lot of my own friends and family

pelirocco

silverbells wrote: »

i hope i havent come across as smug at all. that really wasn't my intention. i just wanted to get an idea of how common it was to keep money matters separate in relationships. it must be difficult if you are trying to save money or pay off debts, if you dont know exactky where money is bieng spent? how do people who keep money seperate handle this? or is it a case of 'your debt' 'my debt', and you just cocentrate on paying your own debts without burdening your partner with a debt that isn't theirs?

I think what you do is perfectly normal , we are much the same , except OH is not interested in managing the money

jakes-mum

My husband and I both have our own accounts that our money goes in but both are joint accounts, this wasn't intentional we had swapped from our old account to a new account and when I changed jobs I could only remember the details to the old account so my wages got paid in there and I never changed it. What I class as DH's account has the mortgage and a couple of DD's going out all the rest goes from 'my' account. I dont have financial secrets from him but I also dont think he needs to know I spent 50p on a chocolate bar for one of the kids, though I do like to tell him about any bargains ive got and how much ive spent on the shopping for the week . . . he wishes I wouldnt though :rotfl:

We also dont have his and hers money and discuss major house purchases but it he wants something specific for himself and decids he wants it before birthday/christmas then he 'borrows' from the house and pays it back when his birthday/christmas has been and hes got the money. We are in a very tight financial position and can't afford to just buy what we want when we want. He is not finance savvy nor does he wish to be and asks me how much/if he can afford to go to the pub etc.

I dont think you are unusual but I dont think we are either, we do what works for us. Im good with money, he isnt so I make sure all the bills are paid and he checks with me before he buys anything that isnt necessary. If he wants to know where any money has gone, what ive bought etc, then I tell him and vice versa. The only real arguement we have is over my birthday/christmas money as I tend to use it to buy food/clothes for the kids and he says its my treat money and should be spent on me :rotfl:

silverbells

[. The only real arguement we have is over my birthday/christmas money as I tend to use it to buy food/clothes for the kids and he says its my treat money and should be spent on me :rotfl:[/QUOTE]


i agree with your OH , birthday money should always be spent on treats for yourself lol!! it comes round once a year so you should spoil yourself

MessyMare

We don't. OH manages his money and I manage mine. We both have our debts and we pay them off by ourselves. I think he'd be offended if I expected to know what he'd spent on what. We don't borrow money from each other, our finances and bills are balanced so we each pay for what we can manage (he earns more than me). Past experiences have taught me that sharing money is a bad, bad idea.

quintwins

i spend birthday money on food or the kids aswell to be fair we're not that hard up and if i really really want anything i buy it so it's just like putting it back in the pot so to speak not that everyone else agrees with me

Mort

I think it's horses for courses issue. We have always had joint accounts, big decisions are discussed but we have autonomy on small spends.
Which makes your methods seem strange to me but there is nothing wrong with that, the important thing is that we find a way of controlling our finances that works.

silverbells

i agree its def not for everyone. the important thing is to manage money so you dont get into debt, how everyone does this is a personal matter.

because we maintain a spending diary, this requires everything to be logged so there's no point in hiding purchases otherwise the diary will not be accurate and there's no point keeping one. its not a case of having to 'report' to eachother what has been bought, but we need to know where our money is going, esp as we're on average salaries

oopsadaisydoddle

Definitely agree it's personal but as a PP said about it being a bad idea I must flip the coin. In a past relationship my ex didn't tell me anything g about his finances and that was a bad bad idea. It's only a bad bad idea to have Jong finances if you don't trust yr other half completely.

DH and I have a main joint account and all of our incomings and outgoings go into and out of there. We also have some instant access accounts where we transfer money each month for things like car tax, holidays (uk cottage so not too dear), school uniform fund and a Christmas food shopping fund.

We also do a new spreadsheet every month whereby we work out all outgoings and keep a track of what we spend on those everyday things.

We're lucky that we are ok money wise but this method definitely helps. We have over the past year had to put some things on credit due to moving house but we should have this sorted by June.

I like the way we do things because it feels like we have one family pot and everything that goes in and out maintains our family. DH earns a lot more than me as I only work 16 hrs but I look after the little people when I'm not at work.

We do update our spreadsheet regularly but we don't feel the need to tell each other when we've spend on everyday things. All big purchases of course are discussed together.

I totally agree with the posters who say it is all personal and relative to each situation and so long as it works for you, then fab!