are we the only ones who do this..?

fadetogrey

silverbells wrote: »

thanks for that standintall that was a lovely comment. in my opinion all relationships should be like this, i;ve seen people fall out badly over money because they dont discuss things with eachother and treat their money separately. perhaps if we werent saving so hard we'd be a bit more relaxed about it but we need to know where all our money is going and where we can save. actually i think even if we werent saving we would do this!! because it just amkes snese to me.. but i know couples who feel they need to keep their money apart and will go shopping and then hide what they've brought-i'd never get away with that-nor would dh!!

Your not alone,myself and "she who must be obeyed" have shared everything to the last penny since we married many years ago,and as you said its not "her money and my money" it has always been "our money".We never had any secrets when spending whether it was a pound or thousands of pounds we both always knew where it went.Like all couples we had our ups and downs but I never worried about nasty surprises when checking the bank accounts.We both always looked at things the same way,we either sink or swim together and so far we have swum together and heres hoping for 2012.

eyeopener2

We didn't used to share everything which is why I got us into the state in my signature.

We now share everything, know about all expenses, income, what we have left, what we need. The lot. However I will say that my OH does have control, final say, over most things at the moment (due to my DMP) but everything is shared.

I wish I had been like this before as it makes life so much easier and the temptation is removed as you always have a check and balance against your wants.

So your not the only one OP, it seems a few of us agree.

E2

Swans1912

My wife and I are the same as the OP. We are 24 and 25... everything we have is ours and not mine or hers. Everything is joint and we mention to each other every penny we spend. We don't do it so i've spent a £1 so my wife can now go spend a £1 but instead so we can keep track of where we are.

It does help that we are on the same salary and when my wife works over-time (I don't have the offer of OT) I pick up extra house work. That said even if one of us did earn a good margin more it wouldn't change. We live our life together and money is part of that as it provides all our needs and some of our wants.

YORKSHIRELASS

I dont think there is any right or wrong way of managing your money as a couple. So long as it works for you and you are both happy with it then thats fine. Some people would think our way of working is odd - I manage everything to do with our finances and my husband has a small amount of cash each week which he spends on whatever he wants. My husband wouldnt have a clue how much our bills are or how much I spend on anything. We are both happy with this arrangement - I have time to do it and he trusts me to manage our money properly.

We do discuss bigger purchases like holidays or house improvements but thats all. We have worked this way for the past 15 years and its worked well so far!

meer53

There is no right or wrong way, whatever works best for you. My ex and i shared everything financial, no arguments about who shared what or who bought what. We were quite financially well off though so i suppose that helped. We both worked, all was hunky dory. Then he took off with a slapper. End of financial story.
Trust covers so many areas of life, not just money. Just because you trust someone with a credit card doesn't mean they're Mr or Mrs Perfect !

And OP, PLEASE DO NOT tell your bank that you have access to each others passwords etc or one day you may find yourself with a frozen bank account and no access to any money at all for a while ! It's a huge breach of your T & C's.

Wutang_2

meer53 wrote: »

There is no right or wrong way, whatever works best for you. My ex and i shared everything financial, no arguments about who shared what or who bought what. We were quite financially well off though so i suppose that helped. We both worked, all was hunky dory. Then he took off with a slapper. End of financial story.
Trust covers so many areas of life, not just money. Just because you trust someone with a credit card doesn't mean they're Mr or Mrs Perfect !

And OP, PLEASE DO NOT tell your bank that you have access to each others passwords etc or one day you may find yourself with a frozen bank account and no access to any money at all for a while ! It's a huge breach of your T & C's.

and a happy xmas to you too!

jfh7gwa

We've always been like this too.

It started from the fact that at various points very early in our relationship both of us went through stages where we didn't (literally) have a penny coming in, so it fell to the other one to suppor the household financially. These little stints meant that we've just always had a very clear grasp of each other's finances, and everything has been jointly run for as long as I can remember - not least for practicality's sake (I do remember one year getting a direct debit bounce because I'd set up an online transfer from the wrong account, leading to a "sod this, let's ditch the multiple single accounts and just get joint ones" moments!).

So, whilst I'm not sure whether we'd have naturally fallen into this level of financial integration naturally, outside influences meant that we really had no choice at the start if we wanted to see each other (long distance relationship and it was a make or break, do-we-move-in-together moment decision), and we've just carried it on, as neither of us have any issues with the way things are right now.

(e.g. for presents we just take money out in cash and spend it, or if we want the section 75 protection from our credit cards we just tell the other one not to look for a couple of weeks, that's all - )

[Deleted User]

we have been happily married for 41 years and have always had a joint account. Dh gave me control soon after marrige and I also manage his pension fund, he trusts me implicitly and I him. I am not a spendthrift and neither is dh, we each have small spends as we want but we discuss big items. We have been married so long that he knows I would tell him if we were sailing close to the wind, he doesn`t need to ask. Imo trust as strong as this is the basis for a lifelong happy marriage. Get the finances sorted and the rest follows

edit: I use ms money and put all future bills, income and outgoings in. I know at a glance what the account balance is at any point in time

FBaby

Totally agree with Yorkshirelass, your way OP is no better or special, it doesn't make your relationship stronger because you do it this way, it is just what works for you.

My partner and I are totally opposite, we have everything separate. Why, because that's what comes naturally to both of us. We have both lost out financially in previous relationships (amazing how you think different second time around!), and are both financially independent (both receive a decent income), and both have been single for a number of years before meeting and therefore are used to be accountable to anyone else.

It doesn't mean that our relationship is not strong or that we are not generous towards each other. Even though my partner and I earn a similar income, I have a lot more outgoings to pay (due to the fact that he does pay anything for his car/mobile, I do and have to pay for everything relating to my children), so we have worked out how much we contribute towards bills so that in the end, we have a similar disposable income. Things are divided, but we would always support each other as we have done in the past.

This works for us for now. Who knows what we will do in the future (we've been together 3 years). One of the reason why my ex and I broke up was because of how he managed his money. He asked me a number of time to take over his finances, but I had no interest in doing so as to be, this came down to treating him like a kid, not a partner. His new partner has immediately taken on that role though (wise move!) and it works perfectly well for them.

MandM90

We have financial transparency and a joint account; our savings are in my name but she has the passwords etc and can access them whenever she likes. However, I wouldn't say we discuss every penny. We're saving hard right now so we try not to spend on frivolous things like coffees, sandwiches out and impulse buys but I wouldn't really 'announce' £1.30 spent, nor would I expect her to; occasionally if I see something that looks unusual for a small amount on the statement I may ask her, but I'd find it boring and a little odd to recount every penny that left my purse and I'd feel mean asking her to do that for me. Fair enough if it works for you, though.

We also have personal accounts for 'pocket money' and it's our own business what we spend that on; whilst I leave my statements around and we will use whichever account has the most money, like you, for meals out etc. I think that having our own little bit of money helps us to feel independent whilst we are together. I enjoy choosing whether to spend my own money on clothes, or sewing bits, or going out (though that budget is miniscule at the moment) and wouldn't want to have to answer to someone in that respect.