Self defence laws - children

sassyblue

Zoetoes wrote: »

Thanks for the replies.

I feel a bit drained now! Don't really feel like we got anywhere this afternoon but we have an appointment for a couple of days after they go back in January, to see how things are going.

And I did manage to get the policy, I rang the education who then contacted the head who was printing off when I got there.

The investigation of yesterday ended up that the other kid had tagged my son, she said 'tag/stroke shove' (how do you tag stroke shove? hmm) and the opinion is that my son overreacted.

She had got it wrong about staff having to hold my son back.

I'd taken my son in at lunchtime today, he said he wanted to go in for his last day. He had been crying when he was asked about yesterday and the head told me she thinks he has low self esteem etc. and that they could look at ways of how he could react differently to situations. We said he wouldn't need to react at all if there wasn't a situation.

In the end I suggested mediation with the parents might help, we could look at ways we both could manage the after school club situation at least, swapping nights round etc so they avoid each other.

I'm not surprised he has low self esteem the stupid head has allowed this situation to continue for far too long. As for 'tag/stroke shove'..... it's the shove part that stands out, and she thinks your son overreacted to a potential shove?? :mad:

Make a right royal pain in the !!!! of yourself, (as someone else suggested) as for thinking of ways for your son to avoid the boy - erm NO!! - that other child has to learn not to hurt your son. If it were me l'd be asking the head (and LEA) why that boy is allowed to stay in a school where they clearly cannot cope with his behaviour?? Do not allow them to turn anything against your son, he is the victim.

(And good for you for going to the LEA! bet you wouldn't have got that policy otherwise, l'd loved to have been a fly on the wall when the head got that phone call :rotfl:)

gadgeteer_2

Other's have been giving good advice. You now have the holiday to digest the policy and compare how the head is handling the situation as per the policy....and more importantly where she's not.

So this boy shoved your son and in an isolated incident then yes perhaps your son could be accused of overreacting. But clearly this is not an isolated incident and is sustained bullying over a period of time. That makes a massive difference and it would therefore be unfair to accuse your son of overreacting.

Like myself and others have said, you need to go all in and make yourself such a pain in the backside she will deal with it. Talk softly but carry a big stick.

I would flatly refuse to engineer a system where they avoid each other at afterschool club. As far as you are concerned your DS is being bullied. To accept that as a solution means that you partially accept your son is at fault and the other boy is getting away with his behaviour. That's no good for either child!!

The other thing to ask the head is about the "staff holding him back" statement. Everyone makes mistakes but this one is most concerning. The reason why is because this is something which another member of staff should have told her if it had happened or had no reason to mention if it never happened. So where did this come from? The only logical conclusion is either someone is lying or she didn't investigate this properly. Ask her which one it is. And if she didn't investigate it properly, how can she be confident that the punishment she's decided upon is fair and appropriate?

I would also tell her straight that you are deeply unhappy about the way this is being handled. There's no point in sugar coating it. Your son should not be still putting up with this after such a long time, is deeply upset and this ongoing situation is affecting his self confidence. In that context you've no choice but to engage with the governor's and LEA since you longer have confidence in her abilities to deal with the problem.

Oh and lastly as per Madmel's advice, you may want to add that you are gravely concerned at the fact that simple documents were not readily available and you have been advised to report this to OFSTED. (It doesn't mean you have to!)

peachyprice

Zoetoes wrote: »

the head told me she thinks he has low self esteem etc.

Hardly suprising if he's been bullied and they've done nothing about it.

Mojisola

Zoetoes wrote: »

I'd taken my son in at lunchtime today, he said he wanted to go in for his last day. He had been crying when he was asked about yesterday and the head told me she thinks he has low self esteem etc. and that they could look at ways of how he could react differently to situations. We said he wouldn't need to react at all if there wasn't a situation.

This is typical of an inadequate Head - blame the victim!

**curlywurly**

Mojisola wrote: »

This is typical of an inadequate Head - blame the victim!

Couldn't agree more. Exact same thing happened to my nephew. The Head said my nephew was equally to blame because he didn't handle the bully well.

OP, I am so sorry this hasn't been sorted for you and your son, particularly at this time of year. I never cease to be amazed at (a) how common this is and (b) how schools fail to deal with it. I know it can't be easy for the school, but blaming the victim, not being able to produce the policy, and generally being lacklustre about the whole thing is absolutely SHOCKING.

Keep coming to this thread for a rant, and for advice, I have seen some amazing advice and support on here.

Curly xx

property.advert

I can't believe that some think it is wrong to hit back if you are being attacked. What sort of nonsense is that ?

I was accosted in my first year of senior school, shortly after joining, because I was smart. I was also extremely fit and not afraid of bullies. I dispensed more than one over the years and would not take any nonsense from teachers who thought these feral children should be given more leeway.

The OP needs to calmly get the point over that the school has two problems. Firstly they have these awful children bullying others and even more importantly, they are not coping in handling the situation. Certainly fire off a letter to the governors but do stress their duty if care and read up on the relevant guidelines to see whether they are remiss in their procedures.