Self defence laws - children

Mojisola

https://www.direct.gov.uk/en/Parents/Yourchildshealthandsafety/WorriedAbout/DG_10015786

Talking to teachers about bullying
When you talk to your child's teacher, remember they may have no idea your child is being bullied. Try to stay calm and:
give specific details of what your child says has happened: give names, dates and places
make a note of what action the school will take
ask if there is anything you can do to help
stay in touch with the school - let them know if the problem continues or if the situation improves
find out what the anti-bullying policy is for the school (every school should have one), so you know what to expect

If you have spoken to your child's teachers and school and the bullying doesn't stop, or you are still not happy with the way the school is dealing with it, the following organisations offer support and information:
Parentline Plus helpline: 0808 800 2222 (Monday to Friday 9.00 am to 9.00 pm, Saturday 9.30 am to 5.00 pm, Sunday 10.00 am to 3.00 pm)
Kidscape helpline for parents: 08451 205204 (10.00 am to 4.00 pm)
Anti Bullying Campaign advice line for parents and children: 020 7378 1446 (9.30 am to 5.00 pm)
Advisory Centre for Education (advice for parents and children on all school matters): 0808 800 5793
Children's Legal Centre (free legal advice on all aspects of the law affecting children and young people): 0845 120 2948

Mojisola

The Head will also have had this - https://www.education.gov.uk/schools/pupilsupport/behaviour/bullying/f0076899/preventing-and-tackling-bullying

It sounds as if the school needs to get all the staff and governing body a training session on preventing and dealing with bullying.

Zoetoes

I am feeling more annoyed as the day goes on, particularly because I think missing the Christmas party amd being sent home with the party food he'd taken in, is cruel. Even for the other kid. I think the teacher handled it very badly.

I'm also fuming because excluding him from class today, on the last day, watching Christmas films and taking games in, is carrying it on.

I have again asked if I can have a copy of the anti bullying policy for this afternoon's appointment and have been told by the head that it will be in the new year now as they don't have one to hand.

I am just wondering whether this should be available at all times? Or whether, as she said, they usually have it for you in 48 hours?

She told me this morning that several members of staff had to hold my son back yesterday, my son said no such thing happened and that there were no staff that near at the time of the incident as it was in the playground. So I need to get this part cleared up.

Mojisola

Zoetoes wrote: »

I am feeling more annoyed as the day goes on, particularly because I think missing the Christmas party amd being sent home with the party food he'd taken in, is cruel. Even for the other kid. I think the teacher handled it very badly.

I'm also fuming because excluding him from class today, on the last day, watching Christmas films and taking games in, is carrying it on.

I have again asked if I can have a copy of the anti bullying policy for this afternoon's appointment and have been told by the head that it will be in the new year now as they don't have one to hand.

I am just wondering whether this should be available at all times? Or whether, as she said, they usually have it for you in 48 hours?

She told me this morning that several members of staff had to hold my son back yesterday, my son said no such thing happened and that there were no staff that near at the time of the incident as it was in the playground. So I need to get this part cleared up.

This is quite shocking. As a governor of many years, all our policies were in place and available for parents to view at any time.

I would phone the Chair of Governors and ask for a copy to be sent to you.

kazza1000

This is absolutely shocking.

My son's school post out a copy of the anti-bullying policy at the start of every school year and it is openly available on their website.

I think you are being fobbed off here.

meritaten

I agree that today has been badly handled - just HOW many punishments was that for both the children? They have missed so many events which I bet they were looking forward to! That was IMHO Spiteful and Nasty!!!!
The school SHOULD have a copy of their Anti-Bullying policy available at ALL times. A good school will post it on their website so that its available 24/7.

However, its funny but when my son was bullied, over the course of 18 months they never did manage to locate a copy! and believe me I was asking every couple of weeks!
as others have said - gird your loins and be prepared to make a right royal nuisance of yourself! otherwise you will just get fobbed off repeatedly.
Show the school you won't be fobbed off from the very start! Write the letter to the governers and send it! Governers details SHOULD be on the website - if not ask the school secretary for their names and contact details. Do not ever agree to let the school pass on the letter - they wont! it will mysteriously 'get lost'.
You will probably now get the 'sob story' about the bully - that isnt your concern, your concern is the safety and wellbeing of YOUR son. You will let the other parent worry about thiers!
I think I have heard every excuse for not dealing with a bully there is - including (and this one is a gem) 'If your son hadnt provoked them (he was just 'there') then it wouldnt have happened'!
Don't accept 'We deal with BOTH children for fighting' - your son wasnt 'fighting' , he was attacked and under our law has the right to defend himself in a reasonable manner.
I hope this afternoons meeting goes a lot better than this morning!
I am still shaking my head in disgust at the way BOTH these boys got treated today - but I could cry for YOUR son!

Madmel

Sorry, but this is appalling and OP, you are right to feel very angry about the way you have been treated. The school should have a copy of their Anti-Bullying policy available for parents to view and by fobbing you off, they are not helping their cause.

It sounds to me like the Head is actually quite weak, possibly has been in the job a long time and not up to speed with behaviour management. We are seeing more extremes of behaviour in schools (I'm thinking about the bully here, not your DS) and people who trained a number of years ago probably have not had specific help to deal with it. I am a teacher myself and I know that even in my own lovely secondary school, I see more silly behaviour each year. Some parents give their children the message that the kid can do as it likes as the teachers have no sanctions. It would seem that this could be the case here, with your poor DS suffering the consequences.

If you want to be particularly vindictive [I was looking for a devil smiley, but this will have to do!] you could contact OFSTED and let it slip that you were very concerned that the school did not seem to have simple documents to hand. The stress for the Head coming back from the holidays to an OFSTED visit would be interesting to watch . I would definitely write to the Chair of Governors, but don't send the letter for a couple of days when you can be completely objective and clear-headed. I would also contact the Local Authority if it is a LA school (or the Church Education office if it's a Church one too) and politely and innocently ask what the procedure is for Anti-Bullying policies. With any luck, they will hand you a nice metaphorical rope with a large ready-made loop into which the Head has already inserted herself, then oh dear, you just end up giving the rope a bit of a tweak.... Best of luck x

Zoetoes

Thanks for the replies.

I feel a bit drained now! Don't really feel like we got anywhere this afternoon but we have an appointment for a couple of days after they go back in January, to see how things are going.

And I did manage to get the policy, I rang the education who then contacted the head who was printing off when I got there.

The investigation of yesterday ended up that the other kid had tagged my son, she said 'tag/stroke shove' (how do you tag stroke shove? hmm) and the opinion is that my son overreacted.

She had got it wrong about staff having to hold my son back.

I'd taken my son in at lunchtime today, he said he wanted to go in for his last day. He had been crying when he was asked about yesterday and the head told me she thinks he has low self esteem etc. and that they could look at ways of how he could react differently to situations. We said he wouldn't need to react at all if there wasn't a situation.

In the end I suggested mediation with the parents might help, we could look at ways we both could manage the after school club situation at least, swapping nights round etc so they avoid each other.

Welshwoofs

I'd be up front with your son. Lay it on the line that there are two ways to go - trust in the school to do something (phail on that so far), or next time smack the kid so hard that he won't think about picking on your son again. Your son will get into trouble with the second option but it is likely to stop the bullying and it's also a life lesson for standing up for himself.

meritaten

Thanks for the update zoetoes.
What you have here is a head who doesnt WANT to deal with the situation and hopes you will just go away, or is hoping to fob you off until July when the children will no longer be her problem!
Well done for getting the copy of the Anti-bullying policy! Read it and then try to match it with whats happened so far!
Your offer of mediation with the other parents is a good one - They may not actually KNOW what is going on with thier child. They may be just as upset as you are - I know I would be!
Don't buy into the heads claim that your child is oversensitive and over-reacts if you KNOW your child isnt!
You now have the holidays to read, digest all the information and plan your course of action.
You have made a good start - I would still write to the governers though, they need to know about this as you can bet the head will not have informed them!
good luck zoe.