Self defence laws - children

Zoetoes

Update -

Been in to see the head this morning, she was nice but not very helpful, she suggested she would get some outside support in for my son basically suggesting he is emotionally unstable and reacts too quickly with anger!!

I asked for the anti bullying policy, she didn't have it, she said she will get me one but she doesn't think it's bullying.

I told her that he has every right to defend himself. I said the school have had plenty of opportunity to manage the situation and haven't done so. I said I would be contacting the police if he was attacked outside school and that I may have to do that now, logging incidents and taking photos of bruises, cuts etc.

Anyway, she said he was (and the other kid) internally exlcuded today (after she had said to him let's finish the term on a positive note!), my son was really upset at the exclusion, he has never had this before (the other kid has), so I didn't leave him in school and I have taken the day off work. It was last day when they take a game in and if he had to miss out and be sat in another room again then I wasn't leaving him.

gadgeteer_2

Did you ask what emotions a 10yr old is supposed to experience and how he is supposed to react when lying on the floor getting kicked in the stomach? And if she wasn't sure then she can lie down on the floor and you can show her if she likes? Stupid woman!!! :mad:

Have you contacted the governor's yet? LEA? It's a bad time of the year but I think you need to escalate matters given the head seems happy to try and brush this under the carpet and transfer the blame.

Zoetoes

gadgeteer wrote: »

Did you ask what emotions a 10yr old is supposed to experience and how he is supposed to react when lying on the floor getting kicked in the stomach? And if she wasn't sure then she can lie down on the floor and you can show her if she likes? Stupid woman!!! :mad:

Have you contacted the governor's yet? LEA? It's a bad time of the year but I think you need to escalate matters given the head seems happy to try and brush this under the carpet and transfer the blame.

I was thinking of trying to get hold of logs from infant school as I'd complained to the chair of governors then about the teacher's handling of incidents.

The letter my son gave in today explaining his feelings has to be acknowledged. I have copies.

I'm not sure whether to contact the LEA to explain why he is absent?

SDG31000

Zoetoes I'm glad that you took him out of school. I have to say that if the head had said that to me I would have found it difficult to hold my tongue. Next step is the Governers and the LEA. Your local LEA should have a department for dealing with bullying and the school not doing anything about it.
My DS1 suffered a lot of bullying due to his dyslexia and it had reached the stage where he said he would rather be dead than go back to school. No way was I going to let that happen, so I went the next day and sat in the reception and refused to move until I spoke to someone about it. His form tutor had been worse than useless and did nothing to help. After a few people had come through reception and a few calls had been made, I got to speak with the school counsellor and she was fantastic. In the end DS1 decked one of the bullies and broke his glasses. The bullies father came into complain and was told why it had happened. Thankfully DS1 is now 5 foot 9, nearly 16 years old and hasn't being bullied in years.
Stick it out, like another poster said you have to make yourself more of a nuisance than dealing with the bully is and let them now that you won't be going away and will make as much trouble for them as necessary. Good luck

Jinx

Well if its not bullying what is it??


I definitely think you should escalate this. I am livid on your behalf for your poor child! I dont have any experience but clearly others have and reporting this to the LEA seems like a good next step. How about a chat with a community policeman; could he/she then have a chat with the school?

Zoetoes

I've just phoned to make an appointment for this afternoon and dad is coming too. I'm not sure what I'm going to say really because I don't think we'll get anywhere.

I will be asking why they suddenly think, in the last 6 months of schooling that my son has problems when this kid has been on a behaviour plan since reception class!

I will also mention that I used to help out in the class in the infants (before this head was in post) and that I witnessed the kid's behaviour. Also last year during open afternoon I had to take scissors off the kid because he was going round the room cutting chunks out of other kid's hair!

ALIBOBSY

We had some issues with some of the children around where we live and DD1. There were a number of instances and its difficult as a parent not to react and tbh we all had a go at each other and the were a number of arguements ( no fist fights tho thank goodness lol).

One of the mums did seem to overreact and she called the local police alleging one of the girls had pushed her over and she hit her head. As DD1 was there and involved they asked all the parents if we would attend a mediation meeting to try to sort things out.
TBH was a bit sceptical and when we got there the older girl who we felt was causing alot of the issues, and her parents weren't there.
It was in the end brilliant tho. We could clarify what parents thought had happened then by chatting to the kids and each other work out what the reality was. The push was more of a nudge and then when turning her scooter around to ride off she fell over-that sort of thing.

We all realised the older girl was saying one thing to one child then something else to another, deliberatly winding them up and turning them against each other. ~One day best friends with one and taunting the others, next week ganging up with another child. We all had witness the older girl doing quite nasty underhand stuff but only when we chatted about it did we all realise how often she was doing these things. The police even said how unconcerned the parents of the other child were and there was an implication they had been to see the family before.

We all sorted stuff out between ourselves and our girls and they now play happliy together and blank the older girl-we all agreed to keep an eye out which ever house the girls were at and thing have been smashing.

This is a long convoluted way of saying another option is to ask if you can arrange a mediated meeting between you, the other parents and the kids to see if you can work out why there has been issues between them for so long.

Just another thought.

Good luck either way
ali x

WestonDave

In a sense her comments this morning are an admission that the problem exists elsewhere. If your son is "reacting too quickly", then he must be definition be reacting to something - i.e. provocation from the other child. It may be worth putting this to her, and asking why she is trying to deal with the symptom of the problem (i.e your son's reaction) rather than the cause (the provocation). I think we all know the answer to this - because your son is reasonably compliant so they stand a better chance of altering his behaviour than the other child that they have clearly failed to manage over the last 6 years since reception, and so it may be worth accusing them of taking the easy option by trying to deal with your son, rather than facing up to the harder problem - dealing with the other kid.

You need to make it clear that this/you aren't going to go away from now on, and that if your son gets abused by this other kid, you will be in the school wanting to know why, and what they have done to prevent repetition. Ultimately you may have to threaten to either complain to the local authority, the press, Ofsted etc. You need to become a bigger pain than sorting out the other kid in order to tip the balance in favour of them sorting him out.

sassyblue

I'm furious reading this thread. How you've remained calm is beyond me OP!!

I'm afraid the time to p*ssyfoot around has long gone. I'd inform the police aswell as escalating this complaint involving the education authority. Let the school head know that now you EXPECT ACTION to be taken with this bully.

I'd also make sure the childs mother knows in no uncertain terms that if her violent bully of a son ever touches your child again she'll wish she'd never been born with the amount of trouble you'll cause.

You will have to get tough on this OP, you're being fobbed off. Let them know you mean business.

gadgeteer_2

OK, firstly don't go in with the attitude of "I don't think we'll get anywhere."

The attitude you need to go in with is "This WILL get sorted. You WILL take this seriously. if you do not then this will get escalated."

Make a list of incidents. Be clear about what you want. Be clear how it affected your son.

So the clear example is the getting kicked in the stomach. Why did it happen? What led to this? The head should have the antibullying policy so don't get fobbed off. Take a notepad and pen, write everything down. Or even take a tape recorder and tape the meeting. Basically something to show you mean BUSINESS.

Good luck and let us know how it goes.