Self defence laws - children

gadgeteer_2

I'm sorry to hear about your son. In my experience you need to be all over the school like the bubonic plague. Complain hard and loud to everyone. The head, the governor's, the LEA, the police even the press. Just about anyone who may be able to help. Get the schools anti bullying policy and go through it with the head and make her prove she's followed everything to the letter. Write everything down, follow up in writing. Regular phone calls to check. Firm but polite is the order of the day.

Basically you need to make yourself more of a nuisance to the school than dealing with the bully.

Lastly, is it only your son who this boy is picking on? If not then find out who the other parents are and complain together. The more pressure you can bring to bear, the better.

Zoetoes

gadgeteer wrote: »

I'm sorry to hear about your son. In my experience you need to be all over the school like the bubonic plague. Complain hard and loud to everyone. The head, the governor's, the LEA, the police even the press. Just about anyone who may be able to help. Get the schools anti bullying policy and go through it with the head and make her prove she's followed everything to the letter. Write everything down, follow up in writing. Regular phone calls to check. Firm but polite is the order of the day.

Basically you need to make yourself more of a nuisance to the school than dealing with the bully.

Lastly, is it only your son who this boy is picking on? If not then find out who the other parents are and complain together. The more pressure you can bring to bear, the better.

Thanks.

This kid is a pain in general also as he apparently has 'behaviour problems', which basically means he gets away with a lot more than other kids. As far as I know it seems to be my son over a long period of time but my son did mention that the kid had got another boy round the throat a few days ago, it may be worth me asking some of the other mums.

Another thing, the kid's mother is on the PTA which may make the school more reluctant to deal with things!

NickyBat

We had this problem a while ago. Schools have a duty of care and if they are not prepared to sort it out then on the quiet i would speak to your son.
We did and whilst i don't agree with kids scrapping etc i do believe that a child - if need be - should stand up for himself, my son did and has had no further trouble.

We basically told our son not to start anything, but if he got hit, kicked or choked then to do it back, he did and it stopped.

Zoetoes

NickyBat wrote: »

We had this problem a while ago. Schools have a duty of care and if they are not prepared to sort it out then on the quiet i would speak to your son.
We did and whilst i don't agree with kids scrapping etc i do believe that a child - if need be - should stand up for himself, my son did and has had no further trouble.

We basically told our son not to start anything, but if he got hit, kicked or choked then to do it back, he did and it stopped.

I agree with this, I think if they don't hit back and show they won't stand for it the bully will know they can carry on. However, this is the problem, he hits back he gets punished and is even more upset, like missing his last Christmas party in the school.

NickyBat

I've just noticed you live in Wirral, same as me hope it's not our school lol, if it were me i would telling the school you have now told your son to retaliate IF HE HAS TO as the school don't seem to be doing anything and imo he shouldn't be punished.

RedBern

pimento wrote: »

My son finally snapped after being bullied for a few years. He knocked the little !!!!!! to the floor. Earned them both a suspension but all the kids left my son alone after that.

I backed the school when they suspended him and when we got home, I told my son that if it happened again, to hit him harder.

was going to post exactly the same thing - my lad was bullied all through primary school by the son of one of the staff. Everyone knew this boy was a bully, but it was never properly addressed. When they went to the comp the bullying continued. In the first week he grabbed my son's new M&S shirt and ripped the button off it. My son, a quiet lad, flipped and punched him twice. I was called in to the comp and told what happened, and that my son's bullying had to stop!

We never had any trouble with the boy after that day, and eventually they became friends, and are still in touch now, 15+ years later.

Lara44

Gosh, I'm not a parent but if someone knocked me down and kicked me in the stomach I would do more than hit them in the arm! It's an extremely vulnerable position and the other boy could have done some serious harm to your son if he had kept on kicking. I know schools shouldn't encourage retaliation but in this case it does sound as if he was preventing further attack. I think you've had some fab advice here OP and I hope really pushing the school for better safeguarding works well and that they do it quickly.

Jinx

I have seen on other threads recommendations that bullied children take up self-defence or martial arts. I think its a great idea in terms of confidence and assurance and teaches control.

Fortunately my daughter was never bullied, she was quite quiet. I'm not very PC I'm afraid - she always knew not to start anything but that if she was harmed she could retaliate with my full backing regardless of the schools thoughts. Being told violence is not the answer is very easy when you are not the one being hit!

gadgeteer_2

I must admit, if it were my son I'd be telling him not to stand for it anymore. If this child does it again then he's to put him down and put him down hard. Yes he'll get punished but it may well be the quickest way to deal with it. You've got it on record that this issue is happening. School haven't dealt with it so he's exercising his right to self defence. Just be sure the other lad starts it first.

Another thing and sorry if I'm sounding sexist here but is your son's father able to complain to the head? This is one of those situations where personally I think having a man complain to a female head is more effective as women have a tendancy to ignore other women....I know it sounds so wrong and sexist but it does happen. My exGF was ignored by the head when her daughter was having problems but after I went down and 'explained' the situation to the head, the problem was dealt with the same day.

Oh and whilst we shouldn't condone this, does your son have an older brother/mates whom can have a little chat with this boy and explain the error of his ways? I had a similar conversation with an older much bigger boy who was racially abusing my son last year. He was left under no illusions as to what would happen if he didn't stop immediately. Right. No. Effective. Yes.

Zoetoes

gadgeteer wrote: »

I must admit, if it were my son I'd be telling him not to stand for it anymore. If this child does it again then he's to put him down and put him down hard. Yes he'll get punished but it may well be the quickest way to deal with it. You've got it on record that this issue is happening. School haven't dealt with it so he's exercising his right to self defence. Just be sure the other lad starts it first.

Another thing and sorry if I'm sounding sexist here but is your son's father able to complain to the head? This is one of those situations where personally I think having a man complain to a female head is more effective as women have a tendancy to ignore other women....I know it sounds so wrong and sexist but it does happen. My exGF was ignored by the head when her daughter was having problems but after I went down and 'explained' the situation to the head, the problem was dealt with the same day.

Oh and whilst we shouldn't condone this, does your son have an older brother/mates whom can have a little chat with this boy and explain the error of his ways? I had a similar conversation with an older much bigger boy who was racially abusing my son last year. He was left under no illusions as to what would happen if he didn't stop immediately. Right. No. Effective. Yes.

I do tell him to hit back but I'm terrified it might get to the point where he flips and does something really bad!

I know what you mean about having a bloke go in, I did take him with me a coupe of weeks ago but he was neither use nor ornament! I will take him to day though as he has seen the letter my son has written about how he feels so dad is upset and angry.

He does have an older brother but he is nearly 18, probably end up with the police at the door ha!