A thread about step kids AND in laws!

elvis86

FatVonD wrote: »

I love that idea but I know DH would be devastated not to see his kids on Christmas Day

Well then he needs to explain this to them. It sounds like they're old enough to understand that seeing them means a lot to their dad, but that it's not fair on him (or you) that they dictate that he has to do all that running around to accomodate this party.

flutterby_lil

I got a bit confused with whos turn it was for what day and where everyone lived - so I haven't really any suggestion apart from that due to their age they will prob end up spending less and less tiem with their dad.

My sister is 14 and like this with her dad - she goes in december to take his xmas present, march for his birthday and august for her birthday, maybe another time for a couple of hours on a sunday but has lost interest....sounds like what is happening with you. No way would she ever contemplate spending xmas with him when on xmas day she has our mum and stepdad at home, 4 brothers and sisters, grandma and grandad, auntie and uncle and her 4 nieces and 3 nephews.......I know where I would rather be too.....

FatVonD

flutterby_lil wrote: »

I know where I would rather be too.....

We've considered that option too

doelani

I have stepkidsnwho who are now 15, 17 and 18. We have always had them boxing day morning until 27th. They then alternate New Years eve . they also stay 2 nights a week.

It gets to a point, with mine , with yours and with all teenagers hat they decide when to go to other parents house. 17 year old has not stayed here at all for almost 2 years . 15 year old is getting to that point as well as he would rather spend time with his friends where he lives rather than here.

It really is up to them now and having teenagers come to you when they do not want to be there will be a nightmare, especially he 19 year old.

Hope you get something sorted but like you say you do not want to force them to stay as they will resent that anyway

elvis86

flutterby_lil wrote: »

I got a bit confused with whos turn it was for what day and where everyone lived - so I haven't really any suggestion apart from that due to their age they will prob end up spending less and less tiem with their dad.

My sister is 14 and like this with her dad - she goes in december to take his xmas present, march for his birthday and august for her birthday, maybe another time for a couple of hours on a sunday but has lost interest....sounds like what is happening with you. No way would she ever contemplate spending xmas with him when on xmas day she has our mum and stepdad at home, 4 brothers and sisters, grandma and grandad, auntie and uncle and her 4 nieces and 3 nephews.......I know where I would rather be too.....

If your sister's dad has never made much effort with her, perhaps you're right to sympathise with her not wanting to see him at Christmas.

But for all we know, the OP's husband has been a brilliant dad to his kids, and the OP a brilliant step-mum, so it would be very hurtful for them if his kids felt like this. The fact that his kids' mum has a big close family who all live on the same estate and throw big parties (incidentally - that sounds hellish to me and I know where I would rather be!), whilst it's maybe just OP and her husband at their house, shouldn't make any difference if the kids value time with their dad as much as he values time with them.

Alikay

I think the children should be with their mum, baby sister and large extended family for the full 3 day break as It seems to be what they want to do, particularly with parties, new babies and girlfriends in the equation. Couldn't you, their dad and your family have a completely separate "Christmas" with them later in the week? I know your DH will be upset, but once kids get older the exact date is less important since Santa isn't a main consideration anymore. Wouldn't it be better to do the presents and a nice meal in a relaxed atmosphere, say on the 28/29th?

FatVonD

doelani wrote: »

It really is up to them now and having teenagers come to you when they do not want to be there will be a nightmare, especially he 19 year old.

Yep, the 19 year old hasn't stayed for years, and the 16 year old's stays are getting shorter/less frequent as he'd rather be with his mates.

I'm usually the voice of reason (I'm pretty sure I've posted the same advice to someone else before!) or of the 'kill 'em with kindness' school of thought, I'm not sure why I'm so put out and being childish about it.

Ah well, I've not read a single post that thinks that driving back and forth on Christmas Day is a good idea so at least I'm not being unreasonable about that.

victory

I know this is not the answer but a long while back a person I knew at work was having all sorts of probs to get the kids xmas day and on it went until they decided to have a xmas day the week before, the whole thing as if it was actually xmas day, the turkey, the carol songs on the stereo, opening presents, playing board games, everything as if it was the 25th, turned out that is one xmas the kids talked about because to them they had 2 xmases and loved it and no one missed out:D

victory

Alikay wrote: »

I think the children should be with their mum, baby sister and large extended family for the full 3 day break as It seems to be what they want to do, particularly with parties, new babies and girlfriends in the equation. Couldn't you, their dad and your family have a completely separate "Christmas" with them later in the week? I know your DH will be upset, but once kids get older the exact date is less important since Santa isn't a main consideration anymore. Wouldn't it be better to do the presents and a nice meal in a relaxed atmosphere, say on the 28/29th?

oops sorry, that was pretty much what I was saying then I read yours:o

doelani

FatVonD wrote: »

Yep, the 19 year old hasn't stayed for years, and the 16 year old's stays are getting shorter/less frequent as he'd rather be with his mates.

I'm usually the voice of reason (I'm pretty sure I've posted the same advice to someone else before!) or of the 'kill 'em with kindness' school of thought, I'm not sure why I'm so put out and being childish about it.

Ah well, I've not read a single post that thinks that driving back and forth on Christmas Day is a good idea so at least I'm not being unreasonable about that.

No your not being unreasonable at all, enjoy Christmas with your husband and arrange for kids to stay another time or arrange to maybe meet up with them for a day over the holiday period without them staying over.


Your not being childish but let me ask you do you get more upset then your husband when things get changed like his ? Reason I ask isn't annoys me more then my hubby lol