A thread about step kids AND in laws!

mico62

Your not being childish but let me ask you do you get more upset then your husband when things get changed like his ? Reason I ask isn't annoys me more then my hubby lol[/QUOTE]

That's me! DHs kids mess him about every year (16, 20 & 21) but he's so grateful to spend any amount of time with them he doesn't mind changing our plans to fit in with theirs - I'm sure their mum has something to do with changing arrangements. This year I've suggested a particular date, knowing it will get changed to hopefully the day I'd prefer but he's too terrified to give them a date, he wants them to say we'll come to you on x day. Poor thing doesn't see them on xmas or boxing day and his ex goes to her mums on xmas day and sisters on boxing day.

When they do decide to come they get their pressies, shovel their dinner down as quick as they can, doing their best to ignore me (my kids stay in their rooms cos middle s-k refuses to be in the same room as them) and off they go less than an hour after they've arrived leaving DH feeling like the worst father in the world and me dying to shout I AM NOT THE OTHER WOMAN as they get in the car.

Last year he refused to go to a family party on xmas day cos one of his daughters had fell out with the aunt who was having it but when they came to ours it turns out she'd gone to the party, had a ball and was the last to leave :mad:

Can't you tell I love this time of year!

elvis86

mico62 wrote: »

When they do decide to come they get their pressies, shovel their dinner down as quick as they can, doing their best to ignore me (my kids stay in their rooms cos middle s-k refuses to be in the same room as them) and off they go less than an hour after they've arrived leaving DH feeling like the worst father in the world and me dying to shout I AM NOT THE OTHER WOMAN as they get in the car.

Are you for real?! There's no way that anyone would come into my house dictating like that, step kid or no step kid! I'm shocked that your kids accept that and stay in their rooms! There's no way I'd be made to feel like that in my home.

mico62 wrote: »

Last year he refused to go to a family party on xmas day cos one of his daughters had fell out with the aunt who was having it but when they came to ours it turns out she'd gone to the party, had a ball and was the last to leave :mad:

Can't you tell I love this time of year!

TBF that sounds a bit petty on your OH's part? No wonder his kids think they can have rifts and refuse to see family members if they're backed up and indulged in their pettyness by their parents when they fall out with someone.:(

It makes me so sad to hear of families like this, and so happy and grateful that my parents are still together and that I get on so well with OH's parents and vice versa.:)

FatVonD

doelani wrote: »

Your not being childish but let me ask you do you get more upset then your husband when things get changed like his ? Reason I ask isn't annoys me more then my hubby lol

Probably! He's very easy going and frantically trying to work out how he can please everybody (he's as much concerned about his parents not getting to see them as anything else.) He probably would end up doing the drive to get them if it weren't for the fact that we'd not all fit in one car on the way back.

esmerelda98

elvis86 wrote: »

It makes me so sad to hear of families like this, and so happy and grateful that my parents are still together and that I get on so well with OH's parents and vice versa.:)

Really? You sound to me like you're gloating.

FatVonD

victory wrote: »

I know this is not the answer but a long while back a person I knew at work was having all sorts of probs to get the kids xmas day and on it went until they decided to have a xmas day the week before, the whole thing as if it was actually xmas day, the turkey, the carol songs on the stereo, opening presents, playing board games, everything as if it was the 25th, turned out that is one xmas the kids talked about because to them they had 2 xmases and loved it and no one missed out:D

A pre-emptive strike, I like your style

The more I think about it the more a second Christmas after Boxing Day makes sense so thanks to all that suggested it, at least then they'll be looking forward to it rather than resenting it. I will suggest to DH that we give them a choice of either coming back with us or celebrating it after Boxing Day so it's their choice and nobody can ever say he chose not to see them.

maidincornwall

Since my divorce 11 years ago my ex and I have always had alternate xmas days with the kids, he has a huge family and always goes there with or without the kids depending on whoevers xmas it is, I having no family have several times spent xmas day on my own, I simply have whichever day they are with me nearest xmas day as our xmas day, simply pretend it is the 25th and do everything we would normally do on the 25th, the kids have always loved it, having 2 xmas's! Also my honey roast gammon on Xmas eve is one thing they NEVER want to miss so they are always here on that evening even if they go at about 9 to their dads, i have tried to suggest the gammon on other days but am always met with a 'no its not xmas without your gammon on xmas eve!' funnily that seems to be more important to them than xmas day!

FBaby

I'm a bit in the same situation, but other way round! My kids (9 and 12 in a few days) will be spending most of Christmas with their dad and his partner and her extended family. It's not fair, because I do all the hard work (he doesn't get involved in any of the chores of education) and pay for all their everyday needs (he doesn't pay maintenance, but make sure to spend plenty at Christmas!!), but I've long accepted that fairness doesn't come into it

My kids are still happy to be with me and partner Christmas morning, but I know they prefer to go over to their dad for the rest of the day because they is a real family feeling there with young kids rather than with me and partner, his sister and older mum. They love us and like to spend time with us, but festivities are just more fun with many young people around. I guess I'm trying to be philosophical about it, at least ex partner has a lovely family who welcome my two with open arms and well, spending Chritmas day without the benefits of noise, mess, the prospect of potential tantrums and arguments (not an usual thing, but you never know when the time is right!), being able to have a drink if I feel like it without having to entertain pretending I am perfectly sober, and being able to go to bed when I feel like it, it's not such a bad prospect after all!!!

ButterflyKisses

I too would recommend doing something after Christmas. I would be very surprised if your Step-kids really want to spend most of Christmas Day in the car when they should be fighting over who gets the last purple one in the Quality Street!

My parents are divorced and both expect me there on Christmas Day. This year we will be seeing my Mum round my Nan and Grandad's in the morning, then dashing to my partner's Mum's where we will be on the receiving end of plenty of barbed comments about how much nicer it would be if we had the whole day there and how my Sister will surely understand if we're a bit late for Christmas dinner etc. After that we will be hotfooting it to my Sister's for the aforementioned Christmas dinner (probably late) and to see my nephews open their presents. Then it's on to my Dad's in the evening before ending up home about 9pm where we can finally have a drink!

It really is exhausting and to be honest I dread it. Believe me if one of them would manage not to have a major sulk if we suggested seeing them Boxing Day instead, or indeed suggested it themselves (the Holy Grail!!!) I for one would be incredible grateful.

claire16c

I agree that amount of driving seems rather crazy! Cant the 19 year old drive them about to all these places?

koalamummy

hi OP I hope whatever route you take it all turns out well for you If this is of any help for you at all my OH is armed forces and can be away for quite extended periods of time. As a result of this our family plan an alternative to every major holiday in our country....I still have Christmas day with the children because it as a rule has to happen on 25th December , but we also plan an alternative Christmas day for when OH is available. For us this is usually masses better as from experience I can absolutely state that Christmas parties any time removed from Christmas...especially mid summer are the best and most memorable ever!