feeling very down

rinkydink_2

Hi there just needed to talk really, have posted before but not a great deal,my marriage has broken down completley through dometic violence husband was arrested again last friday night and im not having him back this time, i have been fine up untill today when i went round to spend my emergency food vouchers the social gave me yesterday they are involved cos the violence against me is an on going thing and i have a son from a prev relationship, my temp job came to an end last thursday and i am penniless with a mortgage (in my name only) and debts cc cards & loans i have rung them all but none will help me just say i will still incurr charges and my interest rate will go back up as i have defaulted on my deals i have.

Today is the first day i have felt this lonely and the worry of not having a job is sinking in everything could so easily spirral out of control very quickly just by missing a months payment on everything with charges and interest etc. The worst thing is im missing my husband today (something i dont want to do) as things wernt always bad and we used to have nice days at the weekend and not really any money worries to think of instead im sitting here with nothing to do and no money to do anything with and a mountain of stuff to sort out not least getting a job, sorry to winge on i just have no one to talk to i got plenty of friends but they are all married etc and weekends they spend time with thier other halves.

Dumyat

so sorry to read all this. what a tough time for you. it's just all piling on top of you there. any one of those issues would be tough with out having all the rest too.
what are the chances of getting another job?

I dont have any experience with dealing with banks in this situation. hold tight someone wise will be along soon.

Spendaholic_Chick

Sorry to hear things are so bad - I've been there (the loneliness thing, not the violence) and it's horrible. Firstly, I'd say, call a friend. Just because they have family life, doesn't mean they won't come round and spend a couple of hours with you if they knew you were so low. When I felt like that I didn't contact anyone, but when I felt better I told them and they were all horrified I hadn't wanted to 'put on them', as I put it. That's what true friends are for, just ask yourself this - if they were in your situation would you want them to call on you?

The other thing I would advise is go to your local CAB on MOnday. Take details of all your debts and creditors and let them do what they do best and help you sort it all out. You'll beamazed what they can do that companies wouldn't do for customers directly.

And lastly, you will miss your husband. We all think of the good times once a relationship is over, it's only natural. If you're wearing rose-coloured lasses regading him though, try and replace thoughts of the good times with the reasons why you split. This should help you come to terms with it, it worked for me. NOwadays I can look back fondly on teh good times, but detach myself from thinking it could be like that again.

Hope things get better for you soon xx

rinkydink_2

hi thanks for replying not good at the mo registered with agencies spent whole afternoons last week doing that just to wait for the phone, sent off a good few application forms and c v s im not a skilled person so never get well paid jobs anyway, my husband was the big bread winner. I have been fine till now but then i have been busy and friends have been looking after me iv got quite a bit to do next week APts with womens refuge solicitor and some witness defence lady every one is so nice and there is lots of support but weekends there isnt and nothing is going to help me bring any money in, the gas is eating money im sure (Key Meter) i managed to borrow a tenner for that from a friend it wont last long though especially as its so cold. when i say iv been left penniless thats exactly what i mean. xxx

FieryBlondeScot

my immediate advice is to look at the Consumer Credit Counselling Service website they were a godsend to me.

check out the moneysavingoldstyle board - great for new moneysaving ideas

fill your time with addressing your debt - financial independence is a great thing- makes you realise although it would be nice to have a man its not essential at lease in terms of paying the bills! i have in the past been totally dependant on a man for keeping the house running smoothly and trust me once the relationship broke up it was hell trying to work things out for myself but id never go back to that! now i have the luxury of seeing a guy and knowing i am independent and can look after myself. this will boost the self esteem that hes no doubt chipped away at over the years.

in terms of feeling lonely your never alone on MSE! get over to the moneysavingarms board for a bit of light relief away from this board.

try the discount vouchers board - the boots adv card and tesco health and beauty vouchers are cheap ways to get yourself a little treat on the cheap.

it is good also that your linked to social services - they are there to help and assist you in terms of what support you can get - im a drugs worker and some of my clients are involved with SS but overall they can be a useful resource so use them whlst u can
You can do it!!

cant do the 'hugs' icon but sending you big hugs today!

tight_jock

Hi
I can`t give any better advice than has already been posted but just want to let you know that you will never be on your own in this community.
Hope things can be worked out
X TJ

rinkydink_2

thanks for such quick responses, i was just wandering around the house going mad its the cleanist its ever been ive been at such a loose end today just me and my thoughts, i also dont want to feel like i am becoming a burden by moaning all the time especially to my friends thats why i dont want to bother them every day they got their own lives.

dont worry no matter how lonely or hard up i get i wont take him back i feel very sad about what hes done to me and the reason i am like this now he was an alcholic! and i was on anti depressants for a time due to aspects of my home life i really want to come through this im just glad the house is in my name and im lucky that my mortgage is fairly managable just wish i didnt have the debts things would feel so much better then.

FieryBlondeScot

rinkydink

even with the debt things are gonna be sooooo much better for you. the effects of alcholsm affect the whole family you dont need it in your life. no doubt you have tried to support hm through this - he can only do it on his own. right now you are limiting the damage to your family think of it like that. it aint easy to be strong when you feel your life has crashed around you. throw yourself out there and grab any support you can get wth both hands. you have to thn of you and your kid now and that is it. this site will be a godsend to you. with every day that passes the pain will get less and the recovery will gather strength.

my weekends are consumed with moneysaving/debt management activities if its any consolation!

my son (16) went out clubbing last nite with 23 mates and i stayed in looking at bank statements how sad is that!! i consoled myself that by not going out i saved money, a hangover and bettered my financial situation by keeping on top of the paperwork (sigh)

RoCas

rinkydink ... just wanted to send you a big virtual (((((hug)))))

rinkydink_2

yes the alchol thing is bad we could never go anywhere socially together as he just got so drunk so quick and would get louder and brasher and stagger around it was just to embarrasing and then my friends would all be sympathitic towards me while i made excuses for his behaviour i was just ashamed of him and the drinking at home every night a three litre box of wine most nights ( im not joking) and then this stuff called jagermeister hed have that for breakfast if he had a hangover. i dont think i even want to talk about the bed wetting. he just thought i was a nag

anniestar

((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))) to you hun. The only way is up now sweetie. Things will improve now that you are not having to worry about what sort of mood your husband is in or worrying about "keeping the peace" You can focus on you now. You will get such support on here, we are a friendly bunch. good luck and kep posting.