The New Me And Our Quest To Become Debt Free And Have Self Belief

moonlightpjs

My mum didn't really want children and treated me awfully and to this day, still does but oh, how she loves my children - very clingy and its sickening to watch. She craves loves and attention and is useing my lovely boy to get it whilst ****ing his mind up. He doesn't know who to tell he loves the most and he bloody well shouldn't have to. He shouldn't have to choose - he a little boy for gods sake.

Sorry, getting annoyed now, it says something that he is upset that she doesn't tell him off when he is naughty. We tell him off and explain to him why we are telling him off, he understands that and appears to be happy with it. He knows that at the end of a telling off and him saying sorry that he gets a cuddle and told he is loved and all in right in the house.

Going to give both my babies a kiss (i love to see them sleeping and peaceful but I don't like the quiet - I miss them) so goodnight all - tomorrow is another day and I've ranted enough today.

kathfisch

Weller, I just want to add to the voices that are saying its not ok for your mother to behave like that. To try and make your lovely son choose between you and her is unacceptable and must be so confusing for him.

Your son sounds like a kind, caring and thoughtful boy of whom you should be very proud! He knows you love him and that's a million times more important than anything you could buy him.

Take care and keep talking if you need it, that's what we're here for!

Kath x

Hello

I think that a little boy that can say that sort of thing openly is in a caring and supportive family and is obviously loved very much.

Dumyat

what cruel things for your mum to say. no wonder you are doubting your parenting skills. from what you've said here and by what happened with the wee incident with those boots, sounds like you are doing a fab job. thank goodness mr weller is supportive.

take care x

MinnieSpender

Your little lad sounds like a treasure. Your mother, on the other hand...

If you really do have depression (or is it just your mother saying you have it to undermine you?) have you seen your doc? And if you have, have you seen the right one? I've suffered with this for many years and only started to get real help when I changed my GP. It can be tackled (I promise) and you can feel better.

Do PM me if you want to chat about this privately.

Mins x

moonlightpjs

MinnieSpender wrote:

Your little lad sounds like a treasure. Your mother, on the other hand...

If you really do have depression (or is it just your mother saying you have it to undermine you?) have you seen your doc? And if you have, have you seen the right one? I've suffered with this for many years and only started to get real help when I changed my GP. It can be tackled (I promise) and you can feel better.

Do PM me if you want to chat about this privately.

Mins x

I do have terrible depression and am on medication and see a CPN every week and at most times feel ok. I suffered from Post Natel depression when Sam was born but graduly got better and then when Andy got ill I started again and have suffered this terrible illness since - which also got worse when I had Mollie. I had a mini breakdown over Christmas - again over my Mum and my CPN thinks the route of all my problems is my Mum but she won't have it and continues to get at me constantly like I've said in previous posts. Though I hate to say it (and Andy dosn't know) she is in a lot of debt herself and my Dad doesn't know and she is blackmailing me with the threat of Social Services so that I have to give her money every 4 weeks to help pay her debts and this has been going on for over a year. So along with the problem of our debts I have to find money to give to her and find a way for it "to go" so Andy doesn't find out.

She has got me over a barrel as I can't risk having my children taken from me. I can't tell Andy as he would go really crazy and stop her from seeing our children and then of course my Dad would want to know why and if he knew how much debt she was in it would kill him. By the way, she goes on 4 holidays a year and buys new clothes every other week.

Its just a nightmare really, one that I'm living in and I can't get out of it. The only thngs I have and want are my children and husband and if I can keep them then I am willing to do anything it takes. I cannot take the risk that my children are taken from me and even though my CPN has assured me this is not the case at all, I worry about what lies my Mum would tell them in order for SServices to take them and I would kill myself if that happened.

Sorry to have a moan - I'm very lucky really, two beautiful, wonderful children and a lovely supportive hubby.

barnaby-bear

weller711 wrote:

Though I hate to say it (and Andy dosn't know) she is in a lot of debt herself and my Dad doesn't know and she is blackmailing me with the threat of Social Services so that I have to give her money every 4 weeks to help pay her debts and this has been going on for over a year. So along with the problem of our debts I have to find money to give to her and find a way for it "to go" so Andy doesn't find out.

She has got me over a barrel as I can't risk having my children taken from me.

No she doesn't you are just more scared of her. People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.

Tell your counsellor and GP about the blackmail, get it written down. Make sure the money you give her is traceable, if means setting up a separate secret account and writing her a cheque or electronically transferring it, you can explain the extra account by saying you are paying out of ebay, survey, mystery shopping earnings.

Few traceable transfers, documented history with counsellor and GP - documented bitter old cow discredited and ignored by social services.

Social services are actually very reluctant to take kids away (even when soometimes they should) and very used to all manner of twisted, lying, vindictive loony relatives. It's better for you to get your side documented e.g. with GP and some support, people don't lose their kids because of depression especially with supportive partner and treatment.

susplum

weller711 wrote:

Hi all, just need to write this down as my heart is well and truly broken and I feel that I am just failing my children. As most of you will know we are in a lot of debt and are doing a self admin DMP, everything seems to be going ok so far and hubby is working lots of overtime to help reduce debts.

We have a 7 year old son and an 8 month old daughter. My son couldn't speak until he was approx 5 and still has trouble sometimes, ie: stuttering when hes tired or upset. He has improved really, really well and tries so hard and I am so proud of him, he has made friends at school and is coming on in leaps and buounds and is a very loving, caring, kind and clever boy - the apple of my eye.

This morning, hubby at work and my son comes into our bedroom and asks if can get into bed with me for a cudlle, of course I say and in he jumps. I love moments like this when I can devote time to him as with new baby its quite hard (baby asleep in her room). The conversation goes like this:-

Sam - Mummy do you love me?
Me - Yes sweetie, more than all the clouds in the sky
Sam - Are you upset Mummy
Me - No, why darling?
Sam - You know when you thought I had gone to bed the other night, well I came downstairs for a drink of milk and heard you and Daddy talking (kitchen on floor higher than living room)
Me- Did you darling, well you should have been in bed? (laughing)
Sam - You were upset Mummy because you said you couldn't afford things and I don't like it when you get upset.
Me - Well, we couldn't afford for Mummy to get some new boots - I was only a bit upset but Mummy has other boots.
Sam - Well, I;ve been thinking and I think I should go live with Grandma and Pa then you can afford the new boots
Me - (horrified) I am not bothered about the boots sweetie, I love you and want you to stay here with me
Sam - But you can't afford me Mummy cos I need new clothes and food and toys and things so if I go live with Grandma and Pa you won't need to afford me and then you'll be happy and wont cry anymore
Me- (tears rolling down my cheeks, heart literally broken) But I only want you, you Samuel make me happy, happier than anything else and I don't want you to go, I don't wnat anything else other than you, mollie and daddy

sorry, can't type anymore - i've ruined my childs life and what kind of Mummy am I. I'm no use to him, maybe he'd be better off with my mum and dad as I'm obvioulsy destroying him. I feel like a piece of me has been ripped out

I haven't time to read the whole thread due to school run, but...

What a lovely, unselfish, loving, generous spirited little boy you have raised OP. You should be proud that he thinks of others like that 'cos you and your OH have made him that way. He's rationalising, trying to find a way to give mummy something that'll make her happy, and in his little mind he probably thinks he's found a perfect solution.

Explain to him that you wanting new boots is like him wanting every toy in the shop, you didn't need them you just wanted them.

You haven't ruined his life in any way. You aren't depriving him of anything he needs and you're giving him lots of love. He's going to grow up into a wonderful man with his beautiful heart.

((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))

hypno06

Please tell someone that you are subject to these "threats" from your mother.

You neither need, nor deserve this extra hassle right now. She knows that and is playing on it.

You have others there that will support you, please speak to one of them x

susplum

Gahhhhhhhh

Just made hubby take the boy to school so I could read your thread (is that bad parenting??? )

I hope I don't offend you when I say your mum is a b!tch!!! :mad: And she is talking through her A$$ about social services. If they wont take away babies of crack wh@res and abusers, why on earth would they take the child of someone who gets upset. Don't give her a penny more, tell your hubby and next time she asks tell her she has to ask him now as he deals with the finances.

Sorry... ranting now

P.s. If you haven't already, see your GP about the depression... having a new baby can do that to you (it did to me). Even if he medicates it won't count against you with anyone like Social services. Everyone seems to be depressed nowadays. Maybe you're not 'normal' if you aren't depressed.