The New Me And Our Quest To Become Debt Free And Have Self Belief

Imelda

I have just read this and I am disgusted at the way your mother is treating you. I really would tell someone, it is no wonder you are depressed with this going on....... it is bullying and blackmail.

Hugs to you, what an awful situation. I am just glad you have a lovely little lad to help you through the bad times. He sounds like a real credit to you x

ilovebooks_2

Hi I have just read the whole of this thread and I went from tears because of your lovely little lad which reminds me of my lovely kids to anger to you mother. What a witch! I have depression which for most part is in hiding and have had for over 10 years from when my daughter was born and I know that my debt makes it worse. So I can relate to you quite a bit. By the sounds of it you have a really good hubby and if this was me I would tell him, yes he will go mad but by not telling him your mother still has control over you and she relies on your silence to keep up her twisted little mind games. No one will take your kids away from you, if she did report you to ss you might just get some extra help but I would think they would be very reluctant to take the kids. I am sure your dad knows what your mother is like and maybe he might put her in her place if he knew what she was doing to you. Your doing fine, stop beating yourself up it is not worth it. You are a really good mum.

appleyard

It looks to me like your mum has decided she'd like to play mum now when she didn't want to when you were young. the nicest part (I'm told) of being a grandma is when they go home - my parents certainly have a damn good sleep. My kids are 6 and 4 and very energetic! Maybe the grandma tag makes her feel too old.

Its all very well and good thinking you could be a full time parent but I reckon within hours she'd be giving up and treating him like she treated you.

All of her nasty manipulative tactics, beating you down, and the over-neediness with him is her trying to raise her own ego.

I'm so sorry you're going through this when you've got a young child. I suffered after both mine and I could only see how bad it was once i came out of the other side. I have a good relationship with my mum but she is prone to being a touch interfere-y. when she gets like that I pull back for a couple of weeks - just a bit of time to get me less cross with her. If it gets really bad I dob her in to my dad!

chevalier

Big HUGS to you. What a time you are having. I was blessed with ace parents in law when my second child was born (we were living with them at the time). I couldn't have coped without them, and when we moved into our new house, didn't cope at all. It was only when I got really desparate over 18 months later, that I got the treatment I needed.

Your little boy sounds lovely and caring. I am sure your DD will turn out the same way.

Being depressed does tend to make you second guess everything you do when it comes to child rearing. I know that the reason that I went to the Dr was because I was shouting at the children for no real reason. Thank heavens I did. The medication means that I am more like my old self, though I still have a ways to go.

No one ever mentioned the Social Services taking my children away. I think your mum is terrible to work on your fears like this. How horrible for you. I would tell your OH, it will make you stronger if you can work together against her. At the moment she is using the classic divide and rule method, to control the situation. :mad:

And if you didn't have to pay this money to her any more, then how much sooner would you pay off your own debts. Then you would be able to afford more treats for your own family. I would tell her to take a hike.

Does your dad know how she is treating you? Would he support you too?

The very best of luck with sorting it all out.

AND YOU ARE NOT A BAD MOTHER.
Chev

moonlightpjs

Again, thanks for all your support - i suppose years of being told you are useless and no good take years to get over.

When I really think about it I honestly do think I am a good Mum to my children, they may not have all the material things they woud like but they (especially Samuel) knows he is loved without a doubt. I give him things that money can't buy - my time, lots of attention, lots of love, lots of support etc etc. I save up 50p's in order that I can pay for Sam to have the swimming lessons he loves, which we got him started on on advice from our Doctor to help with his co-ordination and in all honesty (though it may sound awful) I would sell my body to give him what he wants. Luckily, he doesn't ask for much.

We have decided that we are now going to start giving him pocket money - I will put approx £10 a month in his savings account and if he "needs" something then he has to wait to until he has enough so he can buy it. He says (bless him) that he is going to save up and buy Mollie a doll for Christmas as she will be old enough to have one then but we don't want him to do that so will work something out - the money is for him, a reward for being so good and helpful etc.

I must point out though that my children don't see me at my lowest ebb, I aways wait till bedtime to have a good cry or a rant. I will not let them see me like that as it will only destroy them, again, espeacially Samuel.

As for my Mum (if you can call her that) well, somethings going to be sorted out - she controls my life and as my CPN said, "your mum isn't going to change - its you thats got to change how you deal with her". It will be really hard as I want my Mum to be a Mum and love me and support me, be there for me etc, even though I am 36, I still want my Mum, how sad is that? But I can't let her ruin my life anymore. Again, this may sound awful but one day she won't be here anymore and I will have let her ruin my life so that I have no life when shes gone. I will end up having a nervous breakdown, I will end up a wreck unless I STOP IT NOW.

By the way, i am giving her £200 per month which would make a big dent in our debts. In all honesty, my hubby is working all this overtime for nothing.

Thanks again for all your kind words and support - sometimes you need people who are not close to you to make you see sense - which you all have done. Words are not enough..................

Snaggles

weller711 wrote:

When I really think about it I honestly do think I am a good Mum to my children

Whenever you feel like this again weller, I want you to read this over and over again to yourself until you start to believe it, because just from reading your posts, it is SO obviously true.....it REALLY is.

I feel so sad for you when I read about your Mother's behaviour because I've been in a very similar position (although not to the same extent), and I know how you must feel. Unfortunately, as you say, she wont change, so it's down to you to change how you react to it. It really can be done, and I think a lot of it is about letting go - about realising that you don't actually need her affection and her approval.

She can only bribe you if you allow her to. Try picturing her in your head and saying very clearly to her 'I'm not afraid of you'. You don't have to stop loving her, I'm afraid we're genetically programmed to love our parents, and being the caring person you seem to be, this isn't something you can just switch off. But you can learn not to fear her, and you can learn to protect your head and your heart from the things she says.

I also just wanted to agree with those that have said Social Services wont take your children away because you suffer from depression, but at the same time, if you feel that your depression is getting any worse, do push your doctor to provide more help, and do speak out to someone about the threats from your Mother, because they need to stop right now.


Take care and I'm thinking about you.

Love Snaggles xxx

dips_3

Have I got this right. First of all your mother is calling you a !!!!!! mother, then she is threatening you with social services and telling you that you would get your kids taken off you, and then you are giving here £200 a month to pay off her debts because you a scared of loosing your kids?

First - you have got a kid with special needs and you are under a CPN ect - yes? So you have had professionals crawling all over your personal life over the past few years and their response to your concerns was that no - taking your kids isn't an option. Do you really think if they had any concerns that they wouldn't have voiced them before now?

On the evidence you have given here social services wouldn't take a blind bit of notice of some looney relative with a documented grudge against you. SS do not take children into care unless they are are risk of iminate harm and it is always a last resort.

I would agree with the other post about documenting these threats and the money with your GP and CPN - not because I think you need to protect yourself from social services but because they need to know the full extent of what is going on.

Your mother is essentially blackmailing you - not only is it imoral it is also illegal - document the money you have given her - tell someone about it and get it logged - do not give her any more money - she is taking your money then telling you that you are too poor to raise your kids!!! She is systamatcially abusing and probably has been doing so since you were a child.

Is it possible your mother has a personality disorder? What ever it is you are in a very toxic relationship with your mother and you need to get out of this as soon as possible.

Please talk to someone about this asap.

Storm

I can see why it would be upsetting to you, but look at the wonderfully generous little boy you've raised! Just think - he could have offered to go out and steal the boots for you, now that would be worrying!

dips_3

Storm wrote:

Just think - he could have offered to go out and steal the boots for you, now that would be worrying!

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

moonlightpjs

Storm wrote:

Just think - he could have offered to go out and steal the boots for you, now that would be worrying!

Oh that makes me laugh - he wouldn't know what to do and would probably tell the salesperson that he was taking them home for his Mummy - I'd end up with two left boots. I'm not even really bothered about the boots - it was just a chance for a moan, I liked them but I probably couldn't even walk in them they were so high :rotfl:

All this has come out other a pair of bl**dy boots - so glad I posted, feel so much better for getting it off my chest. Its crunch time tonight as I am going to tell my lovely husband all about the money - I know he won't be mad with me but will probably want to hit my Mum.

Then at the weekend, my darling mother is going to Bracelona and I am going to go and have word with my Dad. He will go crazy and probaby offer to give me all the money back which I wont take but should I warn my Mum? He will not be a happy bunny at all and I would hate to be her when she comes home.

You are all absolutly wonderful people:A , - it says something that I'm laughing now, just wait for the next installment :rotfl:

I just can't understand, being a Mum myself and loving my children so very, very much, why she doesn't love me and treats me like she does. I could never treat my children in that way, whether they are 10 or 50 years old, I live for them and they are the best things in the world, really they are!!! I will support and love them until I am in my grave - isn't that what being a parent is all about?