The New Me And Our Quest To Become Debt Free And Have Self Belief

LookingAhead

I have to say, I also find it incredibly audacious that someone who has been as indiscreet as Lisa's Mother feels she can try & seemingly blackmail someone else ("I'll get social services....") etc etc. :eek:

Minnie's right in that pointing out certain things to Mother dear needs to be done - and gently where possible. Get the feeling though that it might just fall on petulant closed ears.

But I know what MS is saying....you need to at least try and be in control.

moonlightpjs

MinnieSpender wrote:

Don't you rise to it weller! You've come so far in the last few days. Keep going.

I am not going to rise to it, no way at all. I will keep getting stronger day by day (and week by week and so on) and I will keep going because for the first time in my life I have realised I am better than my Mum. I am a better parent, a better person and don't need to be pulled down to the ground all the time. She has gone too far and enough is enough - she has only herself to blame.

I have everything i want in my little family (wouldn't mind doing without the debts though :rotfl: ) and I honestly don't need anything else.

I feel happier and I haven't done for such a loooooooooooong time.

ZTD

weller711 wrote:

Andy went to see my Mum tonight and it didn't go very well, we didn't really expect it to.

It sounded like it did go well - from your point of view at least?

weller711 wrote:

she couldn't understand why we were going to hurt Sam in this way by stopping her seeing him.

What a manipulative...sheesh!

weller711 wrote:

Andy was calm and explained it all and said she wasn't going to get any more money from us and she said that I owe it to her cos she brought me up and has paid for holidays (when I was a child) and all the Christmas presents she had bought etc etc.

Holy...!

weller711 wrote:

She said that most mothers take all their childs wages for board when they are living at home (she took half of mine)

There are so many mothers who take nothing from their children. They take board, then give it back as a deposit for a house...

weller711 wrote:

and don't we think she deserves something back after all the years she has put in to bringing me up!!!!!!!!!! The mind boggles

She does - peace away from screaming kids. Which you are now providing her with.

tesuhoha

I think you must know by everyone's reaction on here that your mother is not normal. I hope you dont mind me saying that but maybe if you try to keep her in perspective it will help. You dont owe her a thing; she chose to bring you into the world. You dont have to pay back what she gave you as a child. It is amazing that it is SHE blackmailing YOU when you have far more information on her. Maybe you should say to her that you want £200 a month or youre going to tell your dad all her secrets. But seriously please try to keep it all in perspective. What she wants from you is a total joke, utterly ridiculous. Just do exactly what your husband tells you and everything will be okay; he's obviously a wise man. Everyone on here also is telling you what a good mother you are. This is another thing to keep in perspective. You are getting upset over things that in a few years time you will look back on and think, why was I so anxious? Your children are going to be just fine; they are well loved and that is what is most important. The reason you are the way you are is because you obviously didnt get that kind of love from your mother and suffering from low self esteem due to having such a dominant mother. Your self confidence needs a boost, that is all thats wrong and that wont affect your kids, just you. So try to accept that you are basically a good person, you love your children and that is enough. All children play up and have upsets but they get over them and they grow up into happy, well adjusted people. It is only people who are abused and treated badly that are not ok but even they can make things right for themselves if they try. So dont worry about your kids apart from loving them. Concentrate on being happy with your family and having happy times together and everything else will come right. I think maybe you should stay away from your mother because she is not good for you. Until she truly changes and repents her ways then she is not a fit grandmother for your children. What she has been doing to your son is a form of abuse and I think she is mentally abusing you. So please keep her away from your family until she realises the error of her ways, if ever. Hope you dont mind me saying all that.

southernscouser

I'd still be inclined to tell her to go f*** herself!

kathfisch

weller711 wrote:

I am not going to rise to it, no way at all. I will keep getting stronger day by day (and week by week and so on) and I will keep going because for the first time in my life I have realised I am better than my Mum. I am a better parent, a better person and don't need to be pulled down to the ground all the time. She has gone too far and enough is enough - she has only herself to blame.

I have everything i want in my little family (wouldn't mind doing without the debts though :rotfl: ) and I honestly don't need anything else.

I feel happier and I haven't done for such a loooooooooooong time.

Weller, please please please, print that bit ^^^ out and read it any time you feel down. You have come so very far since just the beginning of this thread and I am really so pleased for you that you have that confidence now.

Kath x

Dumyat

I agree with Kathfisch!
And reading your later posts I think you truly believe that!

I am still shocked at your mother thinking you owe her for your keep when you were a child! I have never heard such SH**.

hope you've got those wellies ready for today! looks like we all need them. hope sam's not too poorly.

seven-day-weekend

My husband's mother was very difficult and manipulative and didn't love either my husband (her only child) or our son (her only grandchild). Or maybe she did love them as much as she was able, but it was a warped, selfish and manipulative type of love.

She told Social Services that we never came to see her and she hadn't seen her son for years, which was total lies! We all went once a week and my husband went two or three times a week.

Anyway, why I'm telling you this is to say that in the end we realised that no way was she going to rule our son's life and treat him the same as she treated my husband. So, if she behaved she could see him, if not, she didn't. Very sad, but we had to put him first.

You're doing exactly the right thing. You and your husband and children sound a lovely family and your little boy sounds terrific.

Don't let her spoil your life any more. You just enjoy those children and have some fun with your husband and if she misses out, well she's brought it upon herself, and although this is sad must not be allowed to spoil the relationship your family has got together.

Well done on how you are handling things. xx

hypno06

kathfisch wrote:

Weller, please please please, print that bit ^^^ out and read it any time you feel down. You have come so very far since just the beginning of this thread and I am really so pleased for you that you have that confidence now.

Kath x

That is a fab idea - print one out and keep it in your purse - perhaps you could make it credit card size and laminate it so that it is always there reminding you of how important your family are to you.

You could do a bigger one to put on one of your cupboard doors or something.

A little positive reminder every day never did anyone any harm!

Allow yourself to smile every day - it works wonders

MinnieSpender

Good morning weller! Just popping in before I leave for work.

Still feeling strong? Good!

You've had some lovely posts on here over the last few hours. Come back here if you start to feel in any way wobbly and re-read them!

Have a lovely day in the snow (if you've got any - we've been sadly let down here).