Time to Take Control

pennywisepoundstupid

It's good that you have talked an made your feelings clear, fingers crossed it gets better for you.

wannabee_in_credit

Well, in terms of effort over the past week I cannot fault him. He's partaken in housework, dinner making, kids taxi services etc. Let's just hope that he can maintain it. I wish I wasn't so suspicious by nature because there's still a huge chunk of me that wonders if I'm just being a fool believing he can change. I might just need to keep reminding him when he falls into his old ways. I went and posted all about it on the relationships board. I've never really been over there before, but what a lovely bunch of people. And some really inspiring threads on there as well.
Work is still a pain in the backside. The timetable rolled last week, and just when we should all be winding down for the summer holidays we have new classes, new work etc etc. It's not ideal - and I don't have as much free time on the new timetable - and I have precisely 3 weeks to write a KS3 scheme of work as well. So much for getting a break after the exams are over. Thankfully, I have my exam marking starting this week - which is lovely - always nice to earn a few extra quid doing something work related that I love. There are some big changes ahead - we have a new head of department starting in September, and he came in to meet us all last week. I hope that he makes some positive changes though, as we really need them. I got a good start - I'm getting a new room. I've always had a bit of an issue teaching chemistry in a room with a carpet on the floor. But new HoD has agreed that I need a proper lab. Hooray!
5 more weeks till the big hols. I really need to find my motivation and make sure that I get on and get some work done. If I just sit and moan about it then it's only going to get worse.
I promise now that I will use my time at work to actually work, and not sit procrastinating. If you see me on here during the day posting then you have my permission to shout at me.

brizzledfw

Good luck with everything..but it does sound positive. Well done you.

wannabee_in_credit

So, I went to the doctors yesterday. I made the original appointment when hubby was away and I was debating ending the marriage. With his renewed effort at home I had been going to cancel the appointment but with work being stressy again I thought I'd go anyway. He had once said to me that if I needed to turn up and just rant then I could.
Anyway, off I went and I didn't half rant. Everything came pouring out about how [EMAIL="!!!!py"]!!!!py[/EMAIL] I've been feeling in myself - how I feel like a doormat at home and how I wake up every day dreading going into work, how I can't keep up with everything I have to do and how I am terrified of my boss.
Doctor has signed me off for a fortnight. He wanted to sign me off the full 4 weeks running up to the summer hols but I talked him down to 2. I wasn't going to go off sick at all but he told me he thinks I'm on the verge of a burn out and I need a rest for my own sake. When I didn't buy that he told me that for the sake of my job I needed time off, in case I was pushed too far and said or did something silly. Not that I think I ever would but he knew what to say to get me to agree to time off.
I went to bed early last night to sleep on the idea that everything has finally gotten the better of me, and I've not woken up feeling much better this morning. Feel like I've failed by not being able to manage everything. And the work situation is so tough at the moment that the last thing my department needs is someone off sick for a fortnight. I know there's no shame in taking a break when you really need it, but as usual I am beating myself up over the whole thing. It's always funny when it's a mental problem, because there is no outward sign of anything being wrong at all. I feel like a fraud because the doc has told me to rest and put myself first for a bit - or at least further up the list than I am at the moment. That is a bit of an alien concept to me unfortunately and I feel quite guilty about letting other people down in order to make sure I'm ok.
Hmmm. Thought I'd feel better writing it down on here but I'm more confused than ever.

Igamogam

Only you know truly whats going on - there will posters along soon who will give you their wisdom and advice based on what they have read here..............I dont feel thats right. However IMO for what it is worth: there is no shame in taking time off work to get yourself back on track. Seek out your LEA occupational health dept they will have a counselling service and as some of the stress is linked to work they are the best to talk to ( they will deal with relationships too) and find somebody at work you can talk to - there will be somebody else feeling the same. Alert your union too. As far as domestic issues are concerned maybe you, on your own, getting some counselling at this stage will help you put things in perspective. I dont feel I could comment on the situation you find your self in at the moment. Hope things work out for you, in the way that you wish.

brizzledfw

Like Igamogam feel you should accept the help the GP has offered you. You need to be well in yourself to get on top of things in the future. Teaching is a bloody hard job,so is being in a relationship, mother and everything else besides. I have taken a breather before..not easy for me as I 'pride' myself on my resilience, in fact wear it as an absurd badge of pride, often, (anyone who knows me in RL would agree:eek:) but absolutely was in retrospect the right thing to do.

Take care and keep posting.

Hugs and more hugs x

wannabee_in_credit

Thanks both of you,
And thanks most of all for not judging. With regards to the work situation, I will be the 8th member of staff I know of going off on the sick. Morale is at an all time low for the staff and many of us hate going in. Just some give in easier than others.
I am just going to take a few days to let things sink in, then I'll speak to work/union etc. There are bigger issues than me going on there for definite.

brizzledfw

That's fine, it's what we're here for.

Take it easy and I think you probably need to not try and last until third week of July ( ykwim!) but take the doctors advice. I had a fortnight a few years back and it was enough to recharge and come back all guns blazing

Agree good idea to keep a perspective too..these things are usually much much bigger than 1 individual..8..hmmm.

wannabee_in_credit

I like being anonymous on here because I can say what I really think. But I know that work would be much different and probably less stressful if there were a different head in charge.
Shame is that the Head considers themselves to be somewhat of a kind and understanding person, and would take it very personally if they thought that they were responsible for the stress that they were piling onto there staff. But the morale doesn't lie. It would be a happier place if either the Head were more realistic or if there was a different person in charge.

OrangeFairy

Oh Wannabee- I'm sending some huge squishy cyber hugs.

I really agree you should accept the help. I think a rest will help you in all aspects of your life and a rested you will be able to tackle things more confidently. I really hope you feel more positive and in control soon my lovely

I am pleased hubby has stepped up a little. I really hope he carries it on and doesn't slip back to his old ways. I have no experience of mental health problem but I can imagine it can be a very hard thing to live with every day. You are a fantastic wife and mother. Hopefully this has given him the wake up call he needed.

Take care o yourself
OF x