Time to Take Control

wannabee_in_credit

Last day of half term and the sun has finally showed itself. Unfortunately I am absolutely shattered after my worst night of sleep for ages and still have a huge pile of marking sitting waiting for me which I just can't seem to get started with.
DD has tonsillitis as well, which is a bit unpleasant for her so we can't get out and about.
Just been sorting out the June budget and it's looking a little tight. Thankfully it's a short month, and it's also the last full month of nursery fees as well. I won't know what to do with myself any more when I find myself with a spare couple of hundred pounds each month. Well I will, it goes to paying off the debt much more quickly, but a reduction in childcare costs from £800 a month to about £400 will be really very helpful indeed and bring that dfd a little closer.
I've got to start getting some school uniform in as well. DD needs a few new things but DS needs the lot. Good job it can be gotten relatively cheaply - I've gone for M&S as it's long lasting compared to the supermarket stuff, and the school jumpers from the school as they last for ages. The Clark's school shoes go for the whole year as well, but they come into the August budget.
I really need to get some work done but can't be bothered - I want a nap.

Igamogam

Take an item of M&S clothing to Oxf*m and get a £5 voucher off a £35 spend on clothing - works for school uniform and I add school socks and underwear etc if just shy of the £35:) - I usually take the old school uniform to Oxf*am to get the voucher - vouchers are time limited.... but my local Oxf*m branch will swap it for a voucher for the next month...................if you didnt know all this already! I agree with buying the better quality stuff - it lasts longer - buy cheap buy twice and all that. M&S seem to have a deal on uniform at the moment BTW - not everywhere though

wannabee_in_credit

Thanks for that - I didn't know that I could get a voucher by trading in the M&S stuff. I can pop to Oxfam in Durham and do that. According to the website they have 20% off uniform at the moment so I suspect it'll be worth buying sooner rather than later if I can afford it.

wannabee_in_credit

Right,
June budget is all done and accounted for apart from one thing. I thought I'd paid for my car insurance on Thursday night online. I rang them up, and they confirmed, and the money had provisionally gone from my bank, but when I've checked the bank today the transaction has disappeared. Hmmmmn. I'll leave it for a week before I contact them again and find out what is happening.
It is going to be another tight month though. I've already done a bit of spending, and there's the uniform to think about, plus a load of birthdays/father's day etc. Thankfully it's all sorted apart from my dad's birthday and his father's day stuff. Stuff from the kids is sorted, as is my stepdad's birthday and father's day stuff.
I've been back onto spreadsheets and put the budgets in. Fingers crossed I can survive. Thankfully I have exam marking at the end of the month, which always helps (although a 4 night trip away with the kids and a friend in July).
Hoping to start the month with a no spend, but hubby took the car to work today, and I suspect it's coming back to me without petrol. :mad:

wannabee_in_credit

What a week I've had. It's been terrible in a lot of ways, but also strangely refreshing.
Those of you who have known me from the start on here, know that my husband has suffered with his mental health over the years, and has a couple of extended periods off work, which resulted in us being in the financial mess we're in now. He also confessed to me a few weeks ago as to being worried about his money and spending more than he was earning. So I went all mse on him, showing him how to budget and cut back, and discussing the differences between wants and needs etc etc. I broke myself trying to scrape the money together to get him a season ticket for the football.
Then, he went out and spent £350 on a new bike to get him to and from work. Fair enough, as that is his transport to and from work. Then I was off all of half term week with the kids, cleaning the house, doing cheap days out, garden play etc. He then booked the next week (this week) off work (?), and then contacted me at work out of the blue on Monday to tell me he'd hired a car and was going to Scotland on his own for the week.
I think that was the final straw for me. I've spent years pandering to his mental health needs, letting him do what he wants in order not to rock the boat, accepting that he's distant from us and so on. But I just thought how rude of him to watch me cutting back everywhere while he finds hundreds of pounds spare to buy a bike and go off on holiday on his own. Then I just realised how very selfish he is, always putting himself as number one and leaving me to sort stuff without a second thought for me or the kids.
So I've spent the week, just me and the kids trying to decide what to do in terms of us and our relationship. I've come to the conclusion that I can't make him want a family life if that's just not what he wants. So I wrote him a 3 page letter, explaining how I'm feeling and basically telling him to start making the effort to be part of the family, or to leave and go live his life on his own. It's been a horrid, emotional time and I still don't really know what is happening. He arrived home at 7am, and I left for work at half past, having not spoken to him at all since Monday. I know he will have read the letter, but he wasn't here when we got home from work at 5 tonight - presumably he's taken the car back to the hire place, and I also presume he's in no hurry to get home. He will have some thinking to do too.
I've had the kids out to Harvester, pizza hut and KFC - all horrific for my diet, and my purse, but unfortunately it's what I've needed to do to get through the week without taking any time off work and without having a complete meltdown in front of the kids.
I've pulled myself round a bit now, taking one step at a time and trying to make sure I put myself first instead of worrying about him. He's a grown up and will have to start behaving like one. Back on the shakes tomorrow, back to budgeting hard and life goes on - me and the kids, with or without him...

pennywisepoundstupid

Hi WIC, I just wanted to send you hugs, you have been through it with your OH, but you always come across as being a strong woman and if he decides to leave you will be able to cope, you come across as being a fab mum and a lovely person.

Take care and keep posting.

PWPS.x

Bobarella

Just read your post Wannabee, I just wanted to say, good luck. You sound like such a strong person, and I hope you can work things out. Hang in there, and then, keep hanging in there. x

wannabee_in_credit

Thanks both. It's strange, but I have accepted that I've been a doormat for far too long and that things have to change. He's at work at the moment, but I spoke to him briefly to ask if he'd read the letter. He has. I told him I'd give him a few days to think but that if he doesn't make a decision then I will make it for him.
I feel so torn, because I do love him - we only got married last year (although we've been together almost 11 years), but it's not fair of him to treat us the way that he does. And that will have to change, one way or the other.

Igamogam

Whatever it is you are seeking I hope it works out for you.

wannabee_in_credit

Well, we talked. He seemed quite upset that I'd even considered the idea that he doesn't want me and the kids. He reckons that we are the most important things in his life. I told him that he doesn't show it, and that he always puts himself first. He says it's difficult to explain how he feels, but he knows that he wants to be with us. But sometimes he's anxious about everything, and then other times he just wants to live for the moment and do something.
He played with the kids in the garden all afternoon yesterday, which is an improvement.
I have also reminded him that I'm his wife and not his mother, and that things will have to change and he has to stop being so selfish and so lazy.
We'll see...