you know when all you lovely people give advice...

postingalwaysposting

well still had no text but i am not worrying... i have however extended my overdraft to one of my accounts by £50... thats because both are touching the top of there limit and i dont think i can offord all the postage for ebay... :mad: but if i get it then i will reduce it as soon as sainsburys gives me my money back... fingers crossed they will... i am also cancelling this weeks driving lesson, i cant afford it so it will have to wait untill payday now :rolleyes:

lynsayjane

pap, I have actually just read the whole 34 pages of this thread. I have so many comments I want to make but I think first I NEED a cuppa!!!

CAFCGirl

ooooooooh i'm mow waiting for LJ to get back

lynsayjane

CAFCGirl wrote: »

ooooooooh i'm mow waiting for LJ to get back

right washing in (just as the rain started too!), bathroom visited (had my legs crossed for the last ten pages!) and cup of tea had! phew the things a girl will do to avoid finishin her essay....

wow pap, first a huge big hug for all the things you've been going through. I knew htings at home weren't great but I didn't know the half of what you were going through. You have made such great steps in saying no to your family, I can only imagine how hard that is. My little sister only gets in touch when she wants something (though we have a much better relationship than you and yours) and I rarely say no, but then she doesn't ask as much as yours does either....anyway the point is I know how much you want to help yoru family, how you'd do anything for them and have total respect for you for standing up for yourself. All the posters before me who advised that your mother is an adult and should look after herself are 100% right, doesn't make it any easier though does it?

your job. how bloody pants is that place? I think you are so right to go forth with mission: get pap a job! You say you want to get into office type work but only have retail experience...it might not be quite what you had in mind but how about starting as a receptionist somewhere? it's a good foot in the door with admin work and you don't need much experience/qualifications. I have been in retail for many years through uni and after, my degree is in zoology so I have absolutely no relevent things, yet I applied for a receptionist job at my gym and got it. Like I say it's a good place to start, then onto an office type environment, then internel promotions etc etc etc

your education. All through the 34 pages I was wanting to cry out, don't do the gcse! I know it feels important as you didn't get it in school etc but unless I'm wrong it'll mean two years of study which will hold you back in your career and goals for a relatively small qualification. was very releived when I saw your post saying you were choosing not to do it. So the !!!!!!s didn't think you could do it, well your doing bigger and better things so rasssssp to them!

your car. I know how hard it is to want to drive. I started lessons when I was 17 and had to stop a couple of months later whenI moved to aberdeen, I was then a student and had no money for lessons and no hope of a car when I passed. My last bf got a new car a year and a half ago and got me insured on it, I was driving with him for six months and it felt so great. Sure my first couple of lessons were terrible and left me in tears, I thought I could go straight back to being the good driver I had been in lessons ( I didn't allow for the fact the new car was a petrol and the old a diesel :rolleyes: ) but I very quickly picked it back up. Now that we're through I know how to drive, I just don't have the money to do the last few lessons and get my license. But like you I live in the city, the places I can't walk to there are buses so the added expense of a car seems silly just now. If you do give up your lessons you will not lose the skills you have learned so far. It may take a few lessons for you to get back to scratch, but like riding a bike, just cause you've not done it in years doesn't mean you've wasted it.

moving out. This is the one I feel for you the most. Although I had a much better relationship with my family I was soooooo glad to leave home at 17. I was always an independent child, damn near from birth! and I felt smothered being dictated to by others, having to consider them in my actions etc. I had a smooth transition as I was in student halls for two years, albeit self catered flats, then bought my own flat. I would not change my living arrangements for the world. Yes some months it can be quite tight, and yes thats partly why I got into debt (mostly through stupidity!) but after a hard day at work I can come home, close the door, cry in peace if I need to or curl up on the sofa. I don't have to consider anyone else, I don't have to talk to anyone else, to me this is perfect. If there were anyway you could get out of our mums house I'd suggest you take it. When I saw you saying could you live on £40/80 a month I was sitting here shouting yes! It's tough, I wont' lie to you, but by meal planning and sticking to my budgets I can live on £40 a month food budget and that isn't as frugal as it could be. Judging by some of the targets I've seen you live on for moozie's challenge I think you could do it. My only other thought as regards that budget was the tv license, do you watch it a lot? I know your on here often (NOT a bad thing!) and you have your games consoles....I cancelled my license last year and actually spoke to someone who said that so long as you were only using the set for games/dvds then you don't need it, if it's not connected to any ariel that would save you another £12 a month.

lastly (i think) your social life. sucks feeling like you've no friends eh? have to admit that there have been times over the last 6 months where I've felt soooo low like there was noone I could turn to. Hearing you say it too makes me wonder if it's a dfw thing??? I can certainly pinpoint what felt like the death of my social life to around the time of my lbm. I guess it's hard when your a dfw, it's quite an isolating thing, you don't want ot share what feels like a failure with others, but then you isolate yourself more as you don't do social activities with people and they assume (wrongly) that your being unfriendly. It's a catch 22 thing. I was so proud when you said you told your workmate at dinner about your debt, at least one person there understands

pap reading between the lines, and right on them too, I believe that a lot of your problems stem from your low self confidence, which is also why your family feel they can take advantage all the time. i know it's hard when you have health problems as well as everything else ( I have no idea what pco is btw but I have an underactive thyroid so I know the feeling of having these problems). But you are a wonderful, bright, compassionate girl who deserves a hell of a lot more than she's been given (hope you don't mind me swearing on your thread :eek: ). I think a little space is exactly what you need to help sort your head out. Your family constantly bearing down on you will not help you resolve any of these issues and until you do resolve them you'll never be truly happy.

As you know I work in a gym. At my heaviest (going back to high school age) I was 13st 7lb-ish. I have lost three stone (and put back on half of one:eek: ) in the past few years and in the next week I will be making a big push to lose the last of my excess weight. As someone who is only 5'3 thats a lot of weight over what I should be! I was hoping you'd give us an update on your weight loss but I understand if you don't fell up to posting it, when I was heavier I could never have admitted it. Did the doctor giv eyou any information on diet etc or suggest an appointment with a dietician? I can't remember what the threshold is but if your bmi is over a certain number you can get meetings with them on the nhs which would be a big boost.

I'm so very sorry for the size of this post, it's 34 pages of replies! promise I won't let it get to 34 pages before I'm back! I'm also sorry if any of this was harsh it was certainly not intended to be. Through this thread I've been outraged at the way people have treated such a good soul and overwhelmed by the support you've had from so many people and all the offers of help! I sinceraly hope you took/take kath up on her offer of coffee, at the very least it's someone else in the real world who understands who and where you are.

right think i need another cuppa now :rotfl:

postingalwaysposting

wow lynseyjane, i didnt know you have read the whole thread :eek: thanks anyway

yes my family arnt the best in the world, especially when it comes to money, they do ask for a lot and sadly i have to put up with them, i have however said no many many more times than i would of :T but its thanks to everyone on here teaching me to, yes mum has to start learning that she needs to do things for herself but she still struggles and moans to me, but unfortunatley i cant help her out anymore i have to think of my future, and a few weeks agao that was going no where...

lyn i have looked into receptionist work and i must admit i was/am tempted to apply at the momment i would gladly take a receptionist job. the thought of going to work each day kills me, at the momment i am only going because i need some money to pay bills, if i had no bills i would have handed in my notice over a year ago :rolleyes: sadly some adverts for jobs put me off as it states x amount of time experiance, but at the end of the day i am going to apply for as many jobs as i can possibly see me working in... i know i will get rejected but at least i am applying for them, i am even prepared to take a pay cut just to get out of where i am now...

the gcse will only take one year but at the momment i have decided not to take it... i still however have that day set off in work (starting september) so i dont know if it would be worth doing a qualification in clait/admin instead of losing this privalidge, i dont know if i will have to tell my employers of the course change though, i have a few more months though to decide

i dont want a car, i never have (ok i did once a tiny bit) :rotfl: and in all fairness i would love to give up but i am thinking if i just pass the test either in june or just after (i am only taking a maximum of 3 tests) then i can just tick it off and if i ever do what to drive again it wont be so much hassle. I love living in the city, yes bus travel is annoying but at the end of the day its much much more cheaper than running a car


moving out is still a huge maybe, i am worried that if i move out before i find a better job i will have to be tied to this job forever. yes i can live on about £40 but it allows me no savings and if i need to buy anything i will have nothing to buy it from, it just seems to me at the momment that its a silly thing to do (this side of xmas and a new job anyway) dont get me wrong i would love to move out just to allow me to do as i wish but its a huge undertaking...

lyn the social life thing has been an on going thing, i was always the outcast at school and college and i was 'used' then in one way or another, i have no faith in people/friends now, hence why since the day i have been allowed and internet connection i spend my evenings online on one chat forum or another, this is my escape... it doesnt help with being the way i look as people dont like to be seen with me, but i have got over that now.. i am me, what you see is what you get and if i have no friends it doesnt bother me

yep i agree with the self confidence, i have always been the one hiding at the back of the class or doing everything last. again this stems from school days and home life. i do want to change this though but have no way/knowledge of doing such..

my weight is a hard one, i weigh 17st exactly i would lose a few lbs and then they would go back on in a flash... i am only 5,1 so it shows even worse than it is... i need to change this though, my doctor has said i am only allowed to lose 1lb a month so thats my target but i am hoping for more... i have took up swimming full time now (at least twice a week for 1 hour each session) and i have also cut out 99% of my carbs and started having a salad each day... i know it will be a hard slog but the thing i will enjoy even if i only lose 2st would be going to a normal shop and buying clothes, i hate it when my clothes are behond repair as i know i have to look for new ones, now this is no mean feet and i hate it....

dont worry about the length, i am sorry for the length of this one now none of what you have posted has come across harsh, non of anything anyones ever posted on this thread has been harsh, yes some of it i didnt like hearing but thats like it with anything... and yes i am overwelmed with all the support too, i just know now that i am not alone and although i have no support in real life i am sure i have some here... havent took kath up on her offer yet, i think its the confidance thing again, but i am sure one day we will meet...

thanks lyn have a nice

lynsayjane

not met kath yet....hmmmmm

kath I fancy a daytrip, wanna meet me in the makro cafe for dinner? :rotfl:


cant remember if I actually said it in my post (and too tired now to read it back) but if you need any help or advice with your weight loss be it diet or exercise please please please feel free to pm. I'm learning heaps of new things these days and if I don't know the answer I'll know someone who will. Your doctor seems to have a sensible take on the 1lb a month thing, though a little more won't hurt too much. When you lose it a little at a time it's easier to keep off and like he said your less likely to have any problems with excess skin.

as for diet, I'm not sure about these no carb diets etc you need to ensure that you get a healthy well rounded balance to your diet. carbs are what gives your body energy so if you don't eat much of those you don't have much energy. likewise you need to ensure and take plenty protien to help your body rebuild itself especially if your doing exercise. swimming is a great thing to do as it works almost all the muscles in your body. walking is also great, think I saw you saying you walk part way to work? thats a really good thing to do, financially too!

right I think I'm gonna head off to bed, on an early at work tomo and need to get some study done before college tomo :eek: roll on friday!!!

sweet dreams pap xxx

kathfisch

lynsayjane wrote: »

not met kath yet....hmmmmm

kath I fancy a daytrip, wanna meet me in the makro cafe for dinner? :rotfl:

Sounds delightful, just name the day!! :rotfl:

lynsayjane

kathfisch wrote: »

Sounds delightful, just name the day!! :rotfl:

hmmm wonder what time I'd have to leave to get to you for dinner tomorrow??? this morning most likely hehehe:rotfl:

kathfisch

lynsayjane wrote: »

hmmm wonder what time I'd have to leave to get to you for dinner tomorrow??? this morning most likely hehehe:rotfl:

Well on sunday i'm driving down from durham to home, if you can get to durham we're sorted, very dfw!! :rotfl:

Snaggles

I wish I could join you for that drink at Makro - there's a few things I'd like to say to some of PAP's colleagues....but perhaps it's better that I'm nowhere near - got to think of the blood pressure you know lol!