Overbaring mum or am I too sensitive?

happyhaddock_2

Hugs to all the other posters, once again I am amazed and saddened by the stories of how "mum's" treat their children.

londonsurrey

Narcissistic Personality Disorder in Mothers:

http://parrishmiller.com/narcissists.html

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/brainstorm/200809/getting-over-narcissistic-mother

http://gloriarubio278.hubpages.com/hub/Do-You-Have-a-Narcissistic-Mother

http://narcmom.blogspot.com/

meritaten

depressing reading - but strangely reassuring if you are the 'child' of a narcissistic mother! For once in your life 'someone' has said 'That behaviour is NOT normal'!

meritaten

Hi LondonSurrey - been doing a lot of reading then! enjoyed our chat last night!

anmarj

think we all have stories, my mother, who lives 500 miles away, does not like it when I get my hair cut, I keep it short as it is rather thick and gets rather unruly when long, but I should be keeping it long because she likes it that way, the person who told me I was rejecting her because I refused a cup of tea, I am sure if I had gone a lived with her after my dad died (another story) i would not be having the life that I have, it has taken me a long time to accept my husband's love for me because I am me.

alyth

Hector's House I remember your thread on your mother from ages ago. For reasons I won't go into I'm having massive issues with my mother - I'm a 41 year old student and she has been really nasty to me over the past few weeks, saying I am too stupid to study, I should just get an office job - I have a definitive plan that I am working towards in my life.

I have been terribly upset over the last few weeks at times, and from speaking to friends they seem to think that she is jealous - of my freedom (I got a large divorce settlement so don't have to worry about money) and the fact I am able to do whatever I want with my life. I'm planning a day in London in January, I have tickets for an event, and she is going nuts over this - what is the weather is bad/how will I get across London (I lived there for 8 years!) and she is really undermining my self-esteem when in less than 48 hours I have a massive exam to sit.

A word of warning to the OP: you will have been conditioned from a very early age to not stand up to your mother. Please read more about personality disorders and find the strength to do whatever it takes to help you and your family break free of this.

This is particularly true of me, I am terrified of her and take the nasty comments - my mother had a difficult childhood, has no friends, only my father who worked away and whilst I wanted for nothing emotionally I wanted as a child - if that makes sense.

So it's been really interesting for me to read this post and I've gained a little bit of strength. My passion is pandas and the plane flies into Edinburgh on Sunday - again I was told I was stupid to want to go and see a plane land - but I am going to, otherwise I will regret it.

londonsurrey

Meritaten, it was lovely talking to you too. It made me laugh to find on the first page of one of those sites the "But it's your mother!" refrain. Lol.

Alyth, it took me years to decide to break free of my mother. It took a surprising amount of self control to not take her calls or read her virtually daily letters. They were full of hate, and comments like how stupid it was to want to do the things I did, so your panda landing comment struck a chord with me. One good thing about the letters was that I saved a couple of years' worth(gave them to a friend who was acting as legal advisor to read), and they were handy ammunition for the court case. I gave myself "permission" to break free because I realised that all phone calls, all letters, were going to contain those painful barbs. It was never going to stop.

All those tiny insignificant hurtful little jibes suddenly look like madness on her part when they fill a whole bin bag.

meritaten

Alyth - Its YOUR life hun, the fact that you are not living your mothers' plan for your life is what is really bugging her! YOU are NOT doing what you are told and she doesnt like it! !!!!!! - you arent five years old anymore, and have to 'do as you are told to'! YOU are an independant adult now and totally capable of thinking for yourself and deciding how you want to live your life! Dont feel guilty hun - normal mothers encourage thier children to lead their own lives! Narcissists cannot let go! but its not out of love - its out of a need to control and I think, pure jealousy.