Overbaring mum or am I too sensitive?

londonsurrey

Lol. I must confess to a chuckle at the pun even before I read the apology in the brackets!

You are exactly right. It took my very good friend to bring up the word narcissist before I recognised it as applicable.

The problem for children of women like this is that when the children say anything, most of the blissfully ignorant population turn to the children with "But it's your moh-thah!" (My attempt at a sarcastic rendition of their slack jawed utterances), thus stymying any attempt by the child to redress the balance or put things vaguely right.

meritaten

then you must read happyhaddocks 'I dont like my mother' thread! you have so much in common!
hun, mothers are venerated in our society and the narcissist is well aware of this and plays on it! if they do have friends - those friends will be convinced the narcissist is a fantastic mother - cos she keeps telling them so! her child will be either 'golden' (cannot do anything wrong even if that child is a raging sociopath) or a 'scapegoat' (cannot do anything right 'despite' the best efforts of the narcissist, for which the narcissist will extract every ounce of sympathy).
in each case the child cannot win - they either SEE through mum - in which case they will then be reviled and cast out or they suck up to mum and become her. in which case all their siblings will not want to know them!
in any case - Narcissists cause trouble and are best avoided as you know!

meritaten

meritaten wrote: »

then you must read happyhaddocks 'I dont like my mother' thread! you have so much in common!
hun, mothers are venerated in our society and the narcissist is well aware of this and plays on it! if they do have friends - those friends will be convinced the narcissist is a fantastic mother - cos she keeps telling them so! her child will be either 'golden' (cannot do anything wrong even if that child is a raging sociopath) or a 'scapegoat' (cannot do anything right 'despite' the best efforts of the narcissist, for which the narcissist will extract every ounce of sympathy).
in each case the child cannot win - they either SEE through mum - in which case they will then be reviled and cast out or they suck up to mum and become her. in which case all their siblings will not want to know them!
in any case - Narcissists cause trouble and are best avoided as you know!

btw - I LOVE making jokes about Narcissists - They absolutely HATE being laughed at more than anything else! just my little revenge on my personal Narcissist!

londonsurrey

meritaten wrote: »

hun, mothers are venerated in our society and the narcissist is well aware of this and plays on it!

This might sound really dim of me, but that sentence struck a chord with me. I have never actually thought of it in those words before. Thank you.

I must find that thread.

londonsurrey

meritaten wrote: »

btw - I LOVE making jokes about Narcissists - They absolutely HATE being laughed at more than anything else! just my little revenge on my personal Narcissist!

Please do feel free to share if you can remember any of them. I think I'd find it hugely therapeutic!

meritaten

OK - here goes

Q - How does a Narcissist find a soul mate?

A - They look in a mirror!

tbh - its not funny! except if you have been a victim of a narcissist and know they dont love anyone except themselves! not as WE know love that is! the narcissist will insist they love thier OH, Kids, family, pets etc! but only as long as these will be willing to play their 'PART' in the narcissists life.

londonsurrey

Lol. Sadly true.

meritaten

off now to beddybyes! londonsurrey - if you can keep awake then there are some really good threads on here about narcissists! you aint alone hun!
G'night!

TimBear

To the OP, just think, if it was a 'friend' acting in this way you would no doubt cut them out of your life, or else get them reported for obsessive behaviour!

Just because it is your mother doing this to you doesn't make it acceptable.

You really need to talk to her to explain how you feel.

I think the idea about turning your phone off is a good one. If you can warn her that this is what you'll be doing from now on so she comes to expect to not be able to contact you at any time she likes perhaps that may help in time?

Hectors_House

londonsurrey wrote: »

Lol. I must confess to a chuckle at the pun even before I read the apology in the brackets!

You are exactly right. It took my very good friend to bring up the word narcissist before I recognised it as applicable.

The problem for children of women like this is that when the children say anything, most of the blissfully ignorant population turn to the children with "But it's your moh-thah!" (My attempt at a sarcastic rendition of their slack jawed utterances), thus stymying any attempt by the child to redress the balance or put things vaguely right.

Yes, unfortunately when you realise there is something wrong and start to face up to it the world tells you you are wrong - she's your mother, she's just being protective etc. etc.

My mother bought me up thinking she had the right to say anything to me because it was better that I know the truth. This was an excuse for her to put me down constantly and I was told I was oversensitive if I reacted.

I have a thread somewhere on here about her abuse when we got our house (I live with my twin sister) and I finally went no contact with her when she turned being told to stop coming to the house and leaving notes telling us she didn't like whatever new thing we'd bought and moving things (I missed a train I had to catch cus I couldn't find something I needed to take with me and was told it was my fault because I didn't look hard enough) by waiting until she had me alone when I visited my folks to tell me I had to take some responsibilty for being raped by my ex.

She said that to me three times before I realised A) she wasn't going to stop, NOTHING was too sensitive to bring up if it meant she won the argument and C) I was already struggling with an alchohol problem but, thankfully had worked with therapists long enough to no longer be suicidal and knowing that I had been in the past she still thought it was OK to say these things.

An extreme case perhaps but from the messages above I would say there is an identifiable problem.

It took my sister intervening and telling my father not to keep on coming to the house to try to get me to make up with my mother for me to finally get some peace.

A word of warning to the OP: you will have been conditioned from a very early age to not stand up to your mother. Please read more about personality disorders and find the strength to do whatever it takes to help you and your family break free of this.

This isn't healthy for your young son.