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Help To Reolve Issue With My Ex
Lyrrad
Posts: 180 Forumite
I will try to be brief.
I have a 9 year old son that lives with his mother. At the moment I am on good talking terms with the her.
In the past my son attended private school that was being paid for by a trust fund in my sons name.
His mother, without any discussion with me or that school, withdrew him on the last day of term.
Initially the school pursued a terms money from the mother which eventually lead to court action. The mother pointed out to the school that fact was there were 2 people that had signed the agreement on a joint and several basis, her and me. The school addressed this problem by including me in the court case.
She believes that she has a case, and I believe she does not. Through the court mediation services I have managed to get the school to accept an amount of £2000 as settlement out of court. The original bill was £2480 but now it is going to court the fees and interest will bring it up to around £3000.
If she wins lovely, if she loses she intends to plead poverty and I feel I will need to pay the major amount outstanding.
I have offered to pay the £2000 and allow the mother to pay me back £1000 over an agreeable timeframe (I am looking at £75 to £100 per month). Her response was I am not prepared to get into debt to you. I want my day in court
I have said it is fair that my liability should not go beyond £1000 and if she goes to court and loses, I will pay the court and would expect her to come to an agreement with me where she repays me the total less £1000. Again her attitude is she will not do a deal with me at all.
I have also offered her £1000 cash to keep provided she accepts everything beyond that. So if she wins she has just made herself £1000. Again not acceptable to her.
So does anyone know where I stand?
It feels like she is getting her day in court with nothing to lose. She has already stated she intends to pay nothing and does not mind a CCJ. Can/will the judge decide who pays what and over what period of time. If, as I believe the mother is going to plead poverty and offer like £5.00 per week, then surely the school are going to ask me to pay the bulk.
My intention is either to let her have her day in court, pay the bill if she loses, and then reduce maintenance payments over a period of time. Or to do the same prior to any court case.
Obviously the reduction of maintenance money is going to cause 3rd world war, but I firmly believe that I am dealing with someone who is being extremely selfish over a situation created solely by her
Thoughts and advice please.
I have a 9 year old son that lives with his mother. At the moment I am on good talking terms with the her.
In the past my son attended private school that was being paid for by a trust fund in my sons name.
His mother, without any discussion with me or that school, withdrew him on the last day of term.
Initially the school pursued a terms money from the mother which eventually lead to court action. The mother pointed out to the school that fact was there were 2 people that had signed the agreement on a joint and several basis, her and me. The school addressed this problem by including me in the court case.
She believes that she has a case, and I believe she does not. Through the court mediation services I have managed to get the school to accept an amount of £2000 as settlement out of court. The original bill was £2480 but now it is going to court the fees and interest will bring it up to around £3000.
If she wins lovely, if she loses she intends to plead poverty and I feel I will need to pay the major amount outstanding.
I have offered to pay the £2000 and allow the mother to pay me back £1000 over an agreeable timeframe (I am looking at £75 to £100 per month). Her response was I am not prepared to get into debt to you. I want my day in court
I have said it is fair that my liability should not go beyond £1000 and if she goes to court and loses, I will pay the court and would expect her to come to an agreement with me where she repays me the total less £1000. Again her attitude is she will not do a deal with me at all.
I have also offered her £1000 cash to keep provided she accepts everything beyond that. So if she wins she has just made herself £1000. Again not acceptable to her.
So does anyone know where I stand?
It feels like she is getting her day in court with nothing to lose. She has already stated she intends to pay nothing and does not mind a CCJ. Can/will the judge decide who pays what and over what period of time. If, as I believe the mother is going to plead poverty and offer like £5.00 per week, then surely the school are going to ask me to pay the bulk.
My intention is either to let her have her day in court, pay the bill if she loses, and then reduce maintenance payments over a period of time. Or to do the same prior to any court case.
Obviously the reduction of maintenance money is going to cause 3rd world war, but I firmly believe that I am dealing with someone who is being extremely selfish over a situation created solely by her
Thoughts and advice please.
0
Comments
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Why did she withdraw him?
Why can't the Trust pay the debt as it's education related?Try to be a rainbow in someone's cloud.0 -
you don't want a CCJ so go and pay the school now, and deny her the day in court, which will irritate her cos she sounds a bit mad, but there you go. You already know she is in breach of contract.
re: maintenance, was that set up by court order or similar?Debt free 4th April 2007.
New house. Bigger mortgage. MFWB after I have my buffer cash in place.0 -
If the amount owed is joint and several, then why would they refuse an offer from you? It sounds like you should be able to tie this up behind her back so if you're the only person who really stands to lose, I'd do that.
And tell her not to gamble with your money in future.
Edit: Emmzi and I were thinking along the same lines at the same time.Hi, we’ve had to remove your signature. If you’re not sure why please read the forum rules or email the forum team if you’re still unsure - MSE ForumTeam0 -
What an irresponsible woman.
It seems that problems within a marriage don't end when the marriage does.Value-for-money-for-me-puhleeze!
"No man is worth, crawling on the earth"- adapted from Bob Crewe and Bob Gaudio
Hope is not a strategy
...A child is for life, not just 18 years....Don't get me started on the NHS, because you won't win...I love chaz-ing!0 -
Why did she withdraw him?
Why can't the Trust pay the debt as it's education related?
She withdrew him because she claims that they were not dealing with issues in a correct manner. to be fair she does have a good point here, but she did not put anything in writing. She was being hassled by parents in the playground, she claims that our son was bed wetting, she claims that he was made to stand in the classroom with his face against the wall.
All these things are disturbing and wrong, but you still need to discuss these issues with the school rather than just withdrawing him.0 -
you don't want a CCJ so go and pay the school now, and deny her the day in court, which will irritate her cos she sounds a bit mad, but there you go. You already know she is in breach of contract.
re: maintenance, was that set up by court order or similar?
Sadly she holds the Golden Goose, my son. I would then find it more difficult to get access to him and times would be difficult. We have recently drawn a line in the sand on our past and have both accepted we need to change for the next 9 years so that the damage caused by us in the 1st 9 years can be repaired. Well thats my take on it0 -
If the amount owed is joint and several, then why would they refuse an offer from you? It sounds like you should be able to tie this up behind her back so if you're the only person who really stands to lose, I'd do that.
And tell her not to gamble with your money in future.
Edit: Emmzi and I were thinking along the same lines at the same time.
Yes I know. I offered £1000, the school want £2000. I could offer £1500 and see what happens.
Err if I told her not to gamble with my money again it would be a wrong move.
She would say if you want to be stupid enough to interfere in court case that I was going to win, more fool you0 -
VfM4meplse wrote: »What an irresponsible woman.
It seems that problems within a marriage don't end when the marriage does.
It takes 2 to Tango.
Whilst she did not tell me about the withdrawal from school, I am no angel.
However should I dare remind her that she was talking to me enough at that time to invite me into her house to repair her PC she would say I was harassing her and that she has made her point of view perfectly clear.
I have tried to draw a line in the sand and move forward not back. I have accepted, however difficult it was for me, that I was 50% responsible for his removal from the school, and that the costs involved she be shared between us.
However she wants to treat me like a stranger over this incident as she just does not want to pay.0 -
Could you not support her on this? Ok she went about it the wrong way but if she felt that was the only way to resolve it, then does she need your support?If you haven't got it - please don't flaunt it. TIA.0
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Why did she withdraw him?
Why can't the Trust pay the debt as it's education related?
The Trust will not pay for education that never happened. Thank goodness for that. My sons mothers inability to get herself as executor of her mothers will as was asked of her has led to the Trust fund being controlled by solicitors.
Guess what, my ex blames anyone other than herself for that situation.
If the mother was in charge of my sons trust fund, it would not be good.0
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