First steps make me feel sick.

paulcornwall

Well my first post on this board, guess I'm looking for some support over the months to come. Yes I'm scared and feel sick. I feel a failure and let down to my family and worried even bankruptcy won't go right. Am i feeling sorry for myself?, probably yes, guess i should man up and face the mess i created. Over 20k in debt, no "job" (Im a carer for my mother) and advised today by a CAB advisor to go Bankrupt. She booked me in for an "emergency appointment" to she the trained lady on Wednesday. Is this whole bankruptcy process interrogation? Admittently I can't count for every penny but know we took more credit to pay other creditors, the process continued. Tried our own business a few year ago (a sandwich business) but that failed. I'm sure I'll unravel more of my story but thats enough for the moment...pass me the bucket!

fermi

Welcome.

Interrogation is the wrong word. Certainly isn't that.

The OR/trustee will want to understand how you came to be insolvent, and to that end they may have to ask some difficult questions.

Not something easy by any means, but not something to be overly concerned over either.

mandyl

i thought id be sat there and told off and told how could i have been so stupid! its not like that at all.
yes they are questions but only to get details etc not to intergate you.

JoePublic

I'd echo what the other guys have said; you'll find that you beat yourself up far more than anyone else will. Yes it's a daunting process and yes, there are much better ways to spend your time, but it's no different to ripping off a plaster on a particually hairy man-part. Deep breath required, get it over and done with, and i promise you'll feel better once it's done.

I don't know your circumstances obviously, but you're not a failure, because if you are, then everyone else here is, and i for one am not a failure so you can't possibly be!

You mentioned starting a business and failing, well done you! 90% of people will dream about running their own business but won't ever take the plunge, having the balls to do that in the first place makes you a winner in my eyes. Chin up fella, it's not as scary a time as it might seem, just make sure those around you understand what's going on and you'll be fine.

The hardest part is accepting that you've reached the end, everything from this point onwards will be easier.

paulcornwall

thanks for the replies. I don't know where a lot of the money has gone, i can't pinpoint xyz credit card was spent on this or that, I just wish i owed less than 15k as the DRO seems less daunting. I should mention my partner owes approx 7k as well, will this be dealt with separately?

We seem to be spending 4-500 on food and baby food a month does this seem excessive. We go through 2 tubs of baby food a week plus nappies. We have a 8 month old and a 5 year old.

mandyl

dont worry about it. my examiner asked about 3 debts out of a damn sight more. one of them i had to say i didnt know what id actually spent the money on. it was all ok. no one could have been more worried about it all than me lol. hugs x

fermi

Are you and your partner both going BR then? If so, then they are 2 separate cases.

But with £7K debts, would a DRO suit them?

fermi

paulcornwall wrote: »

We seem to be spending 4-500 on food and baby food a month does this seem excessive. We go through 2 tubs of baby food a week plus nappies. We have a 8 month old and a 5 year old.

For two adults and 2 children, that may be around the average figures the OR might expect to see.

If that is what you spend and you can justify that, then shouldn't be a problem.

Ineedaname

If any of your debts are joint then when you go BR your partner will be solely responsible for repaying them.

If she only owes the 7k though and is struggling then she needs to take advice separately as there are several avenues she could end up taking to pay everything off, BR/DRO may not be the advised route in her case, all depends on her situation.

RuthnJasper

Paul, sweetie, you HAVE "manned-up". Admitting that you have a problem is not a weakness, it is a strength. There are so many who live lives of appalling debt and squander, not caring because it is the next generation (their children) who will have to pay - you are man enough to not let this happen.

Every one of us makes mistakes - if we didn't, we would not be human; we'd be deities.

Yes, this is a grim place to be in - and I have been there too. But this awful, sickening, gut-wrenching place is ALSO the beginning of the end of these problems. I, myself, am not yet out of it - but I'm getting there.

PLEASE do not beat yourself up for the past - because no-one can ever change the past. Accept what has happened; face up to the present; work towards the future. That is all we can do.

My situation was/is different to yours, as (mostly) is everyone's. I owed around £28K and got an IVA. Not right for everyone, but is working for me. A couple of years still to go until I'm clear but, beyond a doubt, the best thing I ever did.

Keep going with this - you're on the right track now. xxx

paulcornwall

thanks Ruth for your kind words of support. Well not long now until the visit with the proper adviser at the CAB (tomoz). Both my partners debts and mine are seperate however we have a joint income albeit consisting of benefits. I've read I should open a seperate account up once declared bankrupt however what can i do in the meantime leading up to the bankruptcy. Where can i get our benefits paid too? do i use a family member? is there anything I should be asking tommorrow or be aware of?

I've "heard" alot of old debts can be obsolete (not valid) if no credit agreement can be produced? Should I be asking for all credit agreements from creditors? If i can reduce the debt by 5k I thought a DRO may be an option. Many of my debts have been passed from one company to another hence the lightbulb moment!