Upset about DH going back to 'work' and wasting money, really can't cope

Elsewhere

As someone else suggested, I think you should visit your GP. It's possible, on top of your natural grief, you could be suffering from post-natal depression.

As for your OH, to me it seems that he doesn't know how to cope with this situation, and is subconsciously trying to avoid coping, rather than being deliberately insensitive towards you

victory

It is absolutely essential that you see professional counselling, both of you, not one person grieves the same as the other person, there is no book to cover it, you could just be directing your anger at the friend with benefits because you need to put it somewhere and your OH is not listening.

Maybe he just does not know how to listen, spending money is just one way of making out that it is not happening, it is not real, like turning to drink or drugs, this needs the experts who deal with couples in such grief regurlarly.

You feel alone, that no one understands you, that this has not happened to anyone else, you feel anger, resentment, hatred, fear, insecurity, every single breath you take is tiresome, you shiver and shake and over react because you have been taken out of your comfort zone into a deep and dark place that you never expected to be or know how to deal with all the rollercoaster of emotions that are so severely swimming around you.

You have to be with people that know how you feel because they have been there, join a group, you will hate it at first and probably cannot be bothered or even want to go out to it let alone comb your hair, get in the car and drive there but every step you can take is one step to being amongst people that will make you feel you are not going insane, that the feelings you have are a normal way of dealing with things and they will very slowly make you better, never completely whole but better and you would want that for you would you not?

victory

Oh and you are not evil and if you want to keep the nappieso or anything else, keep them ,refuse to hand them over, refuse to do one single thing that you don't feel comfortable with, your time will come when you are happy to help others but this is not the time, this time is yours.

Katie_Cash-Strapped

I am truly sorry for your loss. I cannot even begin to know how you must be feeling right now, but you do need support from what ever source you feel most comfortable with. If you are not religiously inclined, do not go to the church for comfort, find another help network/coping mechanism.
You are not evil in any way shape or form, and you hang on to as many of your babys things as you can/want to.
Your husband is grieving too, but as another poster has said, you are dealing with a birth and loss both at the same time and you should be supporting each other right now.
Take good care xx