Finally seeing the right track getting closer

MuffinTops

This weekend is starting to worry me a little based on spending money tomorrow. The friend I'm meeting really does like to spend a fair bit when we go out (which is fine, I have no problem with people doing as they wish with their own money). But she has a way of wording things which come out sounding really offensive and when I'm not splashing out the same levels that she is she tends to make inappropriate comments.

I think this is due to an insecurity on her part as her family are often in competition with her and she's regularly put in a position of fighting her ground, and I do understand that. I guess I'm saying that I don't want to suffer for other's bad behaviour though.

I've spoken to her a few times about this, as have other friends (on the whole she's a good person so it's not about walking away from the friendship or getting into a big argument about it). But her response is just that if we have a problem with how she is then that's exactly what it is - it's our problem, and it's not her responsibility to fix our problems!!!!!!

Anyway, things always feel worse than they turn out to be, and worrying won't get me anywhere so I'll just work on a list of sudden departure style excuses, take a deep breath and smile! There, that feels better already!

Right, now onto more immediate things. I have checked my bank again including pending payments and nothing is due out yet. I know I'll have 2 small bills coming out around 25th of the month and there's more than enough in there to cover it. As we're now at 20th I'm starting to breathe a little easier that I haven't actually forgotten anything and I won't be going overdrawn this month. I do like the habit of checking the account and pending payments each day though.

I downloaded excel to my home system last night so that I can keep playing with my spreadsheet when I really need to. Then I'll save it to a memory stick so it's always to hand for those constant updates.

If my account continues to remain this healthy then I should have around £30 spare at the end of the month, so I will transfer that straight to the CC on payday. Then I'll make my inflated payment to the CC on top of that. :j

I'm looking forward to drinks out tonight. I'm making a good effort to push through the awkward feelings and have been a little more social in work too, so all should be fine later. I'm very lucky with some of the people I work with and a couple have expressed surprise that I'm going tonight and have asked that we make sure we have some proper time catching up so I think that's made me feel better.

My posts do get a bit monumental! I'll have to start working on that next!!! I'm pleased I'm a little more open now though, although there's still room for improvement.

I really have that Friday feeling today - and what a great feeling it is! Bring on the trumpets!

debtfree2015_2

I have a friend like yours, its got to the point now I prewarn her before we go out, Im strapped for cash at the moment so can do x y z - sometimes she will fire back grumpy coments, but whatever she says doesnt change the situation, so I try to let it go over my head. Though I have to admit I have cancelled a few outings just because I couldnt face her


Anyway I hope it goes well & you enjoy your night out tonight

MuffinTops

debtfree2015 wrote: »

I have a friend like yours, its got to the point now I prewarn her before we go out, Im strapped for cash at the moment so can do x y z - sometimes she will fire back grumpy coments, but whatever she says doesnt change the situation, so I try to let it go over my head. Though I have to admit I have cancelled a few outings just because I couldnt face her


Anyway I hope it goes well & you enjoy your night out tonight

Thanks DF

I'm really stressing about the day tomorrow! I don't know why I put myself through the worry as it makes no difference.

She said something particularly patronising earlier today so I think I'm going to speak to her about that. Maybe I'm just over tired tonight. I'll see what tomorrow brings.

I don't mind people being grumpy with me over money. I can almost understand that, but making me feel bad and sneaking in patronising digs because I don't splash the sort of money around that she does is unfair and not very friend like.

LondonGirl252

Hi

Thanks, when work quietens down I will defiantly PM you and arrange It'll be great to meet you too!

Sorry you are stressing about tomorrow, I don't really feel qualified to advise as I handled todays situation so badly! lol but I can totally relate, I think from the way you write about this friend you know their reaction won't be supportive so elaborate departure excuses would be my plan too! It is a huge worry though when you know there's pressure to spend on the horizon, I try to set out a realistic budget that I can afford then try to come in under and that's an acheivement.

Brilliant news on the wiggle room on your account this month, that's such a good feeling! Hope you get to make that overpayment!

Do you know what, see how you feel in the morning about tomorrow, if she isn't that good a friend just save yourself the stress, if you can handle it, talk to her about the comments and fingers crossed she'll realise she's been a bit off...?!

freebyfifty

Hey Muffy

It's Saturday and I finally have time to post, I've been keeping up but just not managed to find the time to put my tuppence worth in

Hope you had a great time last night with your work mates. It's good that you decided to go and chip away at those insecurities. Just take one little bit at a time

As for your friend today ....... well all I can say is that my bff used to be like that. Designer this, top of the range that, gets her weekly shop in M&S :eek: etc etc and she always made me feel about an inch high when I said I had got a jumper/top/something out of Mr T or shopped at Mr A (she shops in Mons00n etc) until I straight up told her to stop it!!!!
I sat her down told her how she made me feel and can she please have a little more understanding of my situation.
She was horrified that she'd made me feel like that and since then has been so supportive. Instead of meals out for birthdays etc she organises meals in at her house, made us stick to a budget for Christmas & birthdays etc, takes her car whenever we go anywhere and just generally been the best bff a girl could want.

Maybe a cappuchino and a chat with your friend would be the answer???? You don't even have to mention debts or anything, just say your saving really hard for a holiday (or something).

And if she wants to go on a pub crawl then just stretch out your drink so she has two to your one and then she'll fall over and you can go home earlier :rotfl:

Not much useful advice - sorry. Try to have a stress free day.

Ohhhhhh and take care on that blimmin' bike x x

MuffinTops

LondonGirl252 wrote: »

Hi

Thanks, when work quietens down I will defiantly PM you and arrange It'll be great to meet you too!

Sorry you are stressing about tomorrow, I don't really feel qualified to advise as I handled todays situation so badly! lol but I can totally relate, I think from the way you write about this friend you know their reaction won't be supportive so elaborate departure excuses would be my plan too! It is a huge worry though when you know there's pressure to spend on the horizon, I try to set out a realistic budget that I can afford then try to come in under and that's an acheivement.

Brilliant news on the wiggle room on your account this month, that's such a good feeling! Hope you get to make that overpayment!

Do you know what, see how you feel in the morning about tomorrow, if she isn't that good a friend just save yourself the stress, if you can handle it, talk to her about the comments and fingers crossed she'll realise she's been a bit off...?!

You'd be most welcome to do that. Feel free to pm anytime.

I have decided that this friend just has her ways and I've tried to work around them. I pick her up each time she says something I find offensive but I've noticed she has this desperate need to be a victim and I think that's where a lot of her inappropriate wording comes from. We generally see each other once a month or every six weeks and she's also just met a wonderful man, so I think our meetings will naturally pull back now anyway.

I'm really hoping there's a decent amount left at the end of the month for wiggling with. This will be the week when the last bits and pieces come out so we'll see how I feel this time next week. I think it's going to be just fine though, and I'll keep a close eye on my account in the meantime. At this point I'd just be happy with no bank charges.

MuffinTops

freebyfifty wrote: »

Hey Muffy

It's Saturday and I finally have time to post, I've been keeping up but just not managed to find the time to put my tuppence worth in

Hope you had a great time last night with your work mates. It's good that you decided to go and chip away at those insecurities. Just take one little bit at a time

As for your friend today ....... well all I can say is that my bff used to be like that. Designer this, top of the range that, gets her weekly shop in M&S :eek: etc etc and she always made me feel about an inch high when I said I had got a jumper/top/something out of Mr T or shopped at Mr A (she shops in Mons00n etc) until I straight up told her to stop it!!!!
I sat her down told her how she made me feel and can she please have a little more understanding of my situation.
She was horrified that she'd made me feel like that and since then has been so supportive. Instead of meals out for birthdays etc she organises meals in at her house, made us stick to a budget for Christmas & birthdays etc, takes her car whenever we go anywhere and just generally been the best bff a girl could want.

Maybe a cappuchino and a chat with your friend would be the answer???? You don't even have to mention debts or anything, just say your saving really hard for a holiday (or something).

And if she wants to go on a pub crawl then just stretch out your drink so she has two to your one and then she'll fall over and you can go home earlier :rotfl:

Not much useful advice - sorry. Try to have a stress free day.

Ohhhhhh and take care on that blimmin' bike x x

I did have a good evening with work friends on Friday, thank you. I didn't get to stay too long but I felt like I'd left before I was feeling too awkward so it was all very positive.

That's lovely you sorted things out with your bff and she's really stepped up for you. It's so lovely hearing stories like that.

Unfortunately my friend drinks around 2 bottles of wine each day so her 2 for my 1 drink would never have worked. I avoided the pubs very successfully though and she just had a large glass of wine with lunch.

I think our next meet up will be around March time so that's all good too.

LondonGirl252

Glad you had a good time on Friday!

It sounds like your friend has some issues herself, it might not be such a bad thing if it naturally falls by the wayside

No bank charges is always a plus! I hate them, used to pay £1 a day on my overdraft it infuriates me now when I think how much Ive wasted on charges by not being money savvy in the past!

MuffinTops

Well, my evening on Friday went really well and I didn't have to spend anything. I don't drink alcohol so I just had 2 orange juices from the jugs that had been put out for us all and that was it. I only stayed a few hours as I didn't want to end up going on anywhere else or get to the stage where my awkward feelings were taking over, so I said goodbye to all and left. I'm glad I did too as Saturday was such a hectic day.

Meeting my friend was as expected really. I called her a couple of times on my way to organise meeting place etc and she said a few things on those conversations that made me feel quite deflated. Just things like not being sure I was going to show up (I've never stood anyone up in my life and pride myself on how reliable I am) so she had gone to a different stop where she could go shopping if I didn't show up. Things like that.

I have mentioned to all of my friends that I'm not in a position to throw money around, and most of my friends appreciate that and are great about it. Some of the highest paid people I know will go to restaurant voucher sites before going out for dinner etc and refuse to pay full price for anything (I work in an accountants with some very money savvy people) so they completely understand. But as we were wandering around shopping I picked up some towels I liked the look of, which were designer but in the sale and I was curious how much they'd cost. I didn't have any intention of lugging a set of towels around or buying anything while I have an outstanding cc bill, but she looked at them and said "yes, they'd be nice if you could afford them" and walked away!

So, as everywhere was so busy yesterday we cut the day short and went our separate ways!

Yesterday did highlight something about me though, and that is that I feel I'm not making the most of myself and therefore feel inferior a lot of the time to all of my friends. This has spurred me on for a plan, not just to reduce pounds on my debt but to reduce pounds on me. I had a comfort eating year just gone (I put on a stone in that year) and although I promised myself I'd work on losing weight, I've not put any real plan into action (I was hoping that my cycling alone would be enough, but it isn't).

So, lbs and £'s are on the agenda now and the more I reduce on both the better I'll feel. Then woe betide (ha ha!) anyone who tries to talk down to me again!

Well, I have a pile of washing up mocking me, so I'd better get that out of the way now. I hope everyone is having a wonderful and frugal weekend!

x

MuffinTops

I've woken up today with a really positive outlook again. Writing a diary and getting such lovely supportive responses is a real boost.

So, today is the first day of the rest of my life (so cheesy! but it feels apt). Debt, food and diet are just four letter words and I can overcome any 4 letter word! Bring it on! (by diet I mean healthy living diet, and not a temporary diet).

Phase 1 - I have made a list of foods that I cannot eat in the short term at all. There are a lot of C's here!

Coffee
Cola
Cake
Chips
Crisps
Chocolate
Biscuits
Sweeties
Fizzy drinks - including low and zero calorie

I will have tea as that doesn't have the same negative effect on me that coffee and other caffeinated drinks have. Decaf coffee also has a bad reaction so I won't be having that either.

To be honest, the only thing I'll struggle without is the chocolate, but I've had to add cake, sweeties and biscuits because the chocolate demon in my head tries to manipulate me into eating those instead even though I never normally eat them.

For the main part I eat a healthy diet. By that I mean my main meals are always nutritious, low in fat and healthy. But I snack - a LOT, mostly on crisps and chocolate, and so this is my first goal. I also need to seriously increase my intake of water.

So, this week I will be mostly eating .... main meals with no snacks.

On the bank account, I have a DD coming out tomorrow for £7.50. This is my monthly film by post subscription which I'm addicted to. I am looking into alternative cheaper solutions now as I have an internet linked console so will probably replace LF with the new alternative and see what they have as they're £1.50 cheaper a month with unlimited offers of the things I watch.

I get paid next Tuesday so am on the final approach of pay day too! I have my spreadsheet at home now too, so it's easier to keep shuffling around to make sure I'm on top of everything.

Have a great day and "happy last full week of January" x