Muchin's diary of recover; becoming debt free and being happy

alibob30

Just read through your diary, you're doing so well in all areas of your life.
Hope that the party goes well today.

Munchin

Hi alibob30, thank you for reading, as you can see I'm great at plans its the doing them I have a problem with:D

The house is lovely and sparkly and like a new pin. In precisely 1.5 hrs the party starts. I think in 2 hours the cake will be mushed into carpet and there will be children swinging from the curtains and I will have to start all over again:D

I'm back to work tomorrow so I need to get up early and start my knee strengthening regime. I was good at doing the Shred in the morning last year so I know I can do it I just need to find that willpower which I think is hiding under the bed

chevalier

I have just read your diary from the beginning. Well done on taking control of both your ED, and your finances. Either one would be no mean feat, so :beer: to that.

Silly question I know, but just wondering why you haven't moved into his place if you both think that each other is 'the one'? I was kinda surprised about that? Is it because before when your ED was still going strong he couldn't cope with it (or you didn't want to share that with him?)

Ref the ring and the child. Erm not sure how to phrase this. Some people (not only men) seem to think that a certain equilibrium is come to in their relationships, so they see no reason to make any changes.

In this case I imagine you telling him how hurt and upset you were about the no ring/ moving the relationship forward discussion, was a HUGE shock for him. Everything was fine he thought so why change any of it. And look at it from his point of view, he has you now, he doesn't have to do all the nitty gritty with you as he doesn't live 'with you'. You are jogging along fine to his way of thinking....

I wonder about why he wants to put off the marriage, till after the mortgage is paid off on his place. Surely you would want to buy a home 'together' once you are married, so paying the mortgage off on 'his' place is moot?

Ref the children aspect. Sorry to be a bit blunt, but have you actually discussed having children with him? And how there is less and less time to have a relatively untroubled pregnancy? It may not have even crossed his mind that you want children, as you are so involved with everyone else's children. And you have him don't you so isn't that enough (maybe how he is thinking).

I hope this isn't too much of a downer, but it seems to me that you are doing a lot of waiting for him to get his act together - marriage, house, depression. And he is taking his own sweet time about it, whilst you see that time is running out.

food for thought?
chev

Munchin

Hi Chev

Thank you so much for reading and posting:). Your post kind of touched on everything that is going on in my head with my relationship. OH doesn't know about my eating disorder (ED) and I suppose if I had lived with him he would have found out but really the main issue is that he never asked me to move in.

We've discussed kids and at the start we agreed we both wanted children but things have drifted along and there is always another reason on his part why I can't talk to him about it. We also discussed marriage but you can see from my posts that's drifted along.

When I started with my counsellor I started identifying things that were triggering the ED and one of them was my job, it wasn't easy but I changed jobs and thank goodness that worked out. Various things set me off and bit by bit I managed to identify the issues and change these things in my life and now I'm left with my relationship with so many negative issues that I need to address (& plenty of positive things).

It's finding the right time (which he very skilfully manages to avoid), and I know that things can't continue to drift any more. I know that I'm not happy with visiting his house at the weekends but it's a big discussion that could mean the end of a 4 year relationship.

Any suggestions?:D Don't worry I'm not on a downer and I was starting to fall into the trap of letting things drift again but then my eggs would have given up on me totally:D

Munchin

Hi all

On money front I've been thinking about my Tesco credit card and I know the plan was to pay it off and then my car loan but I finally decided to use up most of my credit union savings and pay it off in one go. So today I've done that and now I can wave goodbye to Mr T's card and focus on the car loan and start building up savings again.

I [STRIKE]think[/STRIKE] know that the Mr T card needs to be chopped up so that I'm not tempted to use it but as an interim measure it's going into the freezer:D

So this evenings plan is to work out how much I can fire at the car debt to try and get shot of it.

Munchin

Morning:D

Yesterday was an exciting day spent at Starplan, Harry Corry and DFS:) but thankfully no money spent.

Today I have mass to go to at 9 and then at 12 I'm going to a christening. I don't want to go as I don't really get on with that part of the family (well I think their selfish inconsiderate idiots) and it takes a lot for me not to try with people but the last straw was broken a long time ago. I can't get out of it and OH is working.

With recovery it's important for me to try and put things that trigger me out of my life. The above people no longer trigger me and they are family so I'm stuck with them but it would have been nice to use triggering as an excuse and veto them out of my life. It's a bit like Bridget Jones when she counts the number of jelly fish that come her way:D. I shall have a tally for you later today.

I need to fire up the spreadsheet and figure out how much I've spent this week and how much of my budgets I have left. I spent 69p on an app yesterday that is a money log book. As soon as I have it figured out it will be brilliant:o

Back in a couple of hours with my budgets.

Munchin

Back again

I went to the christening service but it was enough for me and I put my foot down and got out of the lunch. My Mum ain't happy but I just couldn't face it. It's amazing how many crappy things we do to please other people and my Mum will get over it eventually.

Looking at budgets again..

I know that I've been showing how much I have left in groceries, entertainment etc but I think for convenience I'm only going to show the budgets lumped together and these are what I have left to payday but in the case of fuel it's to the 14th of the month.

Everything budget - £127.53
Fuel - £26

Munchin

Afternoon all:D

I can't believe a week has flown past since I last posted. Well not much has happened in Munchin land but it's been an ok week.

OH asked me last week if I wanted to go away with his friends to a hotel for the weekend soon. I said yes (knowing that he didn't want to go) he then said that he really didn't want to go so I said fine. This weekend he's changed his mind and we're going for 1 night next weekend which will be fun but will be £65 + bits and bobs that could go towards debt. It will have to come out of my savings.

I also have to spend £400 - £500 towards the end of March on my car insurance (all money that I want to go towards my debt).

I read a free money saving book on my kindle and the girl was saying that she met a colleague who was with his family coming out of a big shop laden down with bags. The colleague was envious of all the holidays that she had but in short she said that she puts her money towards what she sees is important to her ie holidays and not towards material goods. It is a good mantra and I'm determined to be less of a fritterer and then I can have what I want.

However, of course as much as I would love more holidays I would really love a new kitchen too as this one here is about 20 years old and with kids swinging from the doors its on its last legs (there is only so many times you can screw the doors back on again). I keep hoping that OH and I will move forward and get married but as this doesn't seem to be on the cards for him I guess it's time to concentrate a bit more on me. I know that I have no money at the minute so the first thing in 2013 (debt free year) is to buy a new kitchen. I've been looking at kitchens and it's nice to dream. Having these things in my head really focuses me on what I want which is to be debt free. I have my car already and I'm slowly building up a fund towards paying it off 5 months early. With the kitchen the aim is to build up the funds and then buy it so at least I can see where the money is going to if you know what I mean.

I do want to have some savings if I ever move in with OH and even if we don't move in together it will still be my savings. The plan is to try to save £8,000 in 2013. I know I'm way ahead of myself and I could be run over by a bus tomorrow but I want something to look forward to rather than the daily slog of paying of debt:)

Today has been a very introspective day or it's the time of the month and I'm very melancholy.

Munchin

Morning all :wave:

I'm tired this morning. I just tossed and turned all night but hey ho it's another day.

Plan today is to spend some money . There are 3 things I need (honest) new trainers as mine are a disgrace, some gym trousers as I'm joined a gym and a work blouse as mine are horrible and maybe a tad snug (bloody ed recovery:o). We have an outlet shopping centre near us so I will go there.

I joined the gym yesterday as I was referred by my doctor under a local scheme. It's to help with my well being and my dodgy knee. It's £20 a month which is fine if I use it and it's not tied into a contract which is brilliant. The guy I saw me weighed me but I asked not to know but hopefully I will tone up at least.

The work top is because I'm now in charge of a special project and I will be attending loads of meetings so I need to look half decent.

On ED recovery front I've finally got the hang of structured eating which basically means I don't go nuts at night and eat the kitchen. I'm almost eating like a normal person (i know a normal person doesn't have to plan everything ) but fingers crossed I'm here now.

Money front - most of my spends are on necessities and I've eased off on the frittering which isn't so bad. I have £70 still in my account which is good. However I'm going to a nice hotel this weekend and that will cost me approx £80 (if OH doesn't pay). It will come out of my holiday budget which is sitting at £100 at the minute. Sky have finally paid up through cash back but I don't expect that until next week.

I'm looking at my summer holiday for later in the year and I think Cyprus looks good. I popped into the travel agents on way past just for a nosy and the girl looked at me and recommended Aya Napa :D. I don't know what she saw in me but I am not a party girl but I'll take it as a compliment.

So there you are I don't speak in a week and you get it all at once. Have a lovely weekend everyone and will let you know how much I spend today which might mean that I don't sneak anything else into my bag

Munchin

Morning all

Back from my night away. Hotel was lovely and OH was in good form. We went down on Sunday and checked in then went for a drive and a short walk as knee is really that bad. We met up with his friends for dinner and a few wines then bed. Yesterday morning I was up super early to take advantage of the pool before breakfast.

Today it's back to porridge but thankfully I have a meeting at 10 close to home. I won't have to leave here until 9.30:T

This evening is budget evening as I don't have my stupid HSBC calculator thing to get into my account. I spent money on Saturday but was very good and stuck to what I needed. I spent £60 but am taking a top back as it swamps me, so I really spent £45 on jogging bottoms, trainers and a sports bag (£4).

Today is pancake day:D but Lent starts tomorrow:(. i've decided to give up drink for lent. I don't drink tons but I like the wine at the weekend and then feel terribly sluggish the next day even if I only have a glass (yes I am a wimp). I'm also going to mass early in the morning each day. I can't give up anything like food otherwise it could easily be world of ED for me.

Tomorrow is Ash wed mass at 6.30am:eek: then induction at the gym at 8.

Have a good day everyone and I'll go look at my budgets this evening and weep:D