Problems with partner's daughter!

princessdreamer

How old are you?

Try blended soups, spag bol, cut up raw stuff with a dip, finger food, natural yoghurt with honey and fruit.

saroec

I'm 24.

I am asking, not because I have no idea what to give them, just because someone might have some ideas that I didn't think of. I used to have the 'bits on a plate' concept when I was young, as long as it was all cut up into tiny pieces..

princessdreamer

I'm asking because I have to keep stopping myself laughing (sorry), it just sounds like you are playing house while the grown ups get on with life. the two parents still have issues with each other to the point of him not being sure what he wants. It is so much easier to be with a younger woman who will look up to you than a strong partner who stands her ground.

saroec

Thank you, i'm pleased you find a situation you know nothing about funny

maggied_2

Saroec - PD clearly has some problems of her own regarding step mums - I'd ignore! You do sound like you're trying and being a step mum is bloody hard work! I'm always highly amused at the attitude from certain posters that SMs should treat their stepchildren as their own when it suits and to butt out when it doesn't.

We also had a fair bit of carrying on with food, and it's absolutely a control thing. She's learning to push buttons and although it's really frustrating you can get through it. You just need to show consistency and a bit of solidarity. Cut the snacks out close to mealtimes, involving them in cooking is always good - if you find a couple of meals you she will eat easily (with me it was spag bol and stew) you can blend other things in there - my SD has eaten lots of vegetables she hates this way Cottage pie is another good one - you can chuck all sorts in there!



It's a difficult line to tread but if you're planning on sticking around then you do need to be involved...you can't suddenly get more involved in a few years time!

It's a shame you've asked for help with a very common issue and you've had so much vitriol poured on you. Good luck x

miss.bint

saroec wrote: »

I'm not trying to BE their mum, just try and help my partner do right by them when they are here. We have a great relationship, they tell me stories and we play games together, I help her get changed in the morning, and at bedtime, she lets me brush her hair, and wash her face. She will come to sit with me and give me a hug, and tell me she loves me.

The cough starts before we even pick her up, she's coughing all the way home in the car, she can have coughing fits after running around, which is why I thought it might be asthma.

With regards to the sweet cupboard.. it is one shelf of a high up cupboard, so when the children are here they can't go peeking into it. My partner will eat things out of there more commonly when the children have gone back to their mums.

Does anyone have any suggestions of good meals to try them both with?

Regards with the cough; is her mother a smoker?

saroec

I'm not sure if she does, but I'm pretty sure her partner does..

miss.bint

saroec wrote: »

I'm not sure if she does, but I'm pretty sure her partner does..

That's probably your answer

barbiedoll

OP, I think that pd will only apologise if she is wrong on all three points.

a)...you're younger so that makes her "right"

b) I'm pretty sure that you're not Jordan, so I guess that makes her right on that point too.

c) lower social status than the wife. I'm not sure how that really works. My husband's ex-wife has a 5-bedroomed house whereas my house only has two, so I suppose that makes her status superior to mine. But then again, I have a job, qualifications and I can spell the word "naive", which possibly makes me superior. Who knows and more to the point, who cares?

OP, get your OH to take his daughter to the GP or hospital, that cough may be nothing but it really should be checked out. You can't realistically do much about his ex's parenting skills but you can start to set some boundaries for the daughter at mealtimes. Don't worry, many of us have struggled with picky eaters, it's often just a power thing but again, she should probably be checked over by a doctor. Agree with other posters about treats etc, no dinner...no treats/dessert etc etc, if it makes you wicked stepmum for an hour or so after dinner, so be it, all part of being a parent/carer unfortunately.

And don't worry about posters having a little dig, it's an open forum, you have to take the rough with the smooth!

jellyhead

Saroec I don't know what the answers are, but I have a relative who is often breathless, coughs a lot etc (he has asthma and takes a lot of medications) and he is similar with food. He seems to be frightened of a full plate of food and is always asking for chocolate, yoghurt or bread/cake type stuff. His mum recently saw the doctor about it as he's lost a lot of weight and they have been referred to a dietician, but that might only be because of the weight loss. I saw a dietician with my eldest when he was 3, but he he really didn't grow or gain weight.

Is the girl underweight, do you think? Is she at school yet? If so perhaps her dad could go to the next parents evening, or pick her up from school one day and have a quick chat with the teacher to see if they think her coughing is an issue.

Your OH needs to talk to the mum about it though, and about the eating issues - is she this fussy at home, or is it just that she thinks dad is a soft touch? If she is a poor eater at home then I think that mum and dad should have a united approach and try the same techniques.

My eldest was a poor eater at that age, and while the health visitor and everyone else was telling me to just offer him whatever we were having and let him starve if he didn't like it, after he'd starved for too long the dietician told me to give him what he liked as long as it had enough nutrition in it, to stop to battles and the cycle of mealtimes being a power struggle. After a couple of years he stopped being so frightened of food and was relaxed enough to try new things without getting upset. I don't suppose this would be an option if there are no fruits, veg etc. on the list of things she likes though ...

What will she have for school lunch though?