A new 'tougher' thread... and so it continues

bluebag

Popperwell wrote: »

Of late a few people have said something similar to me kidcat strangely enough about how it's almost as though loved ones wait until you slip out of a room or have turned away for a second before they go. Thank you for your comforting words...

Looking back and thinking was there more you could have done is something I did too after my dad's death. I realised it was like walking an unfamiliar road in the dark, you are feeling your way along with your fingertips and hoping you don't fall down a hole.

Afterwards, it's easy to see where the holes are, because you've trodden that path, but while it's all going on you are just trying to do the best you can.

Would I do thing differently if I had to tread the same path again, absolutley!, but at the time in my heartbreak, I did the very best I could. I am sure from reading your posts that you did too.

A mother had been nursed by her daughter for weeks, she never left her side for more than a few moments. Mum asked her to make her a cup of tea, when she brought the tea her mother had passed. It happens over and over, it's like the first steps of that last journey needs to be taken alone.

The sun will still shine for you and the rain will fall for you, the night will still come and the dawn will break, in the days that follow your back will unbend from it's burden, your knees will strenghthen and support you and your smile will be easier to find.

May you find peace on your path.
bb

mardatha

Some very wise women in here, wise words and good counsel. I'm very lucky to know you , all of you xxx

meme30

Am sitting here eating Chocolate Buttons....I got sick of waiting for the Jelly babies. :rotfl:

Popperwell:- Aren't these people here amazing! All very different souls, all of them folding you into their wings. :A

fuddle

littlecal such good news and what a great time for you. I love good news on the thread. Congratulations :j

MrsL we have a fine spray bottle (an ex leave in hair conditioner bottle) and have been using that while preparing tea. He wasn't keen at all. He's also scratched my arm tonight for attention and I've put him in the porch for two minutes. Should it be longer? Kids and naughty steps I can do but poor little doggies :eek::rotfl:

Spiders. Apparently if you put a conker in the corner of each room in your house it wards off spiders. Anyone heard of this one? I'm not too bothered about spiders in the house but thought I might try it in the store cupboard - when I find a conker that is!

I have rhubarb in my garden :j and a batch on my bench destined for rhubarb crumble. It's from MIL garden. Am I right in thinking I can't touch it next year but can harvest the year after?

Margaret54 I saw gailey post on OS a week or so back. It was nice to see her post. I do miss her on this thread.

Popperwell if we get a new thread i'll private message you the link so you know where to go, don't worry. I'm so relieved that you've been able to talk to people on the thread today that understand and can help you. I lost a parent to cancer too but I was only 10 and see it from a different perspective. Type away your feelings and grieving here because it's the tough thread and life is tough, it doesn't have to financial tough all the time. Some gorgeous hearted people here.

kidcat

Fuddle - I hate to say it but the conker thing does not work, in our last house we were plagued with them and I had conkers all over the place never stopped any of the blighters.

Popperwell when a new thread is started the link is posted at end of old thread before it is locked so simply clicking the link will bring you home as it were.

Mrs_Chip

just in from work and wanted to say how much I agree that loved ones seem to chose their time - certainly happened with MiL, we had been with her all day and I left in the evening to feed the cat and she passed while I was away - she was waiting to be with her only child who meant the world to her. She would have not wanted to be alone, and would not have wanted me there.

Mum I am sure just said enough was enough, waited for Christmas to be over and my brother just out of the house. just like mum, she would not have wanted any fuss.

Popperwell, everything will remind you of your mum at the moment, and it will seem painful but be assured this will pass and your thoughts will be less troubling and more 'connecting' if you know what I mean.

[Deleted User]

Hey FUDDLE hope you had a good day with the relatives and wowed they with your sartorial elegance! I would leave pup in the porch for a good 20 minutes, to drive the lesson home, they hate being on their own, being pack animals. If he doesn't like the spray it will not be long before he knows that if it is in sight, he is going to get sprayed if he does anything naughty, they learn pretty quickly and if you use it every time he goes to go near the worktop he'll soon get the picture. It doesn't hurt him at all, in fact all it ever did to Doc was make him sneeze, but he hated it, and still does. It is a good tool and totally humane, very effective and lasting, let me know how you get on. Good luck Lyn xxx.

kezlou

Just thought i'd say sorry for loss popperwell.
I lost my mum to cancer 81/2 years ago. Its an awful thing to go through. You have my deepest sympathies.

My mother was the same, she literally waited till the nurses moved away into the kitchen and she passed away, could not believe it.

At the moment everything will remind you of your mum, form seeing certain colours through to making a cup of tea. It does become easier with time, you won't think it does right now, but slowly but surely it does.

(((hugs))

happy birthday byatt!

Popperwell

meme30 wrote: »

Am sitting here eating Chocolate Buttons....I got sick of waiting for the Jelly babies. :rotfl:

Popperwell:- Aren't these people here amazing! All very different souls, all of them folding you into their wings. :A

Yes, to all you say. I wrote a post in reply to Bluebag and it's disappeared:(:mad: Will write it again soon.

Thanks Fuddle and Kidcat:)

Just had cheesy scrambled eggs and streaky bacon, a chocolate digestive bar and a coffee so I won't come to any harm. At least i am eating though you sometimes feel it is an automated response.

A stranger not long after Mum passed started talking to me about losing his Mum and he kept welling up taiking about her and this was a few years down the line, he found it still difficult.

Another person lost his wife and he said he feels as though he is doing what he is because it has to be but there is no joy being alone and at night he feels frightened on his own as if he was ill he knew she was there and now...

After the rememberance service a couple of weeks ago someone told me he had coped with the loss of his wife and thought he was doing ok and then two years later...bam! It hit him and he had serious depression.

I have found my worst times are weekends and I have come to the conclusion that without realising it my mind is responding to the fact that I lost Mum on a Sunday. And on the day of the service I really lost it!

I am friendly, sensitive and I know that I am liked when I meet people and by neighbours :p but I don't really have family and friends and no one to "knock around with" or phone. I am fortunate that I like my own company if I am a little lonely.

I would do voluntary work and if it's voluntary, if unwell, I can say "I'm not coming in" or leave early but if those at the DWP think I am capable(they may still when things change)my help could stop so I have to avoid giving them any chance of making things difficult.:think:

In the past I did 15+ years running and presenting at the local hospital radio service. the most important part and I spent many hours talking to patients on the wards with few visitors and who were lonely and frightened.

I've heard that they can even be funny about how long you are on a pc for similar reasons.:shocked:

I tend to pop on and pop off and a lot of the time my pc is used as a way to listen to music or the radio so its more like a hi-fi...

Eveything you seem to do you get penalised for. And when you really need more support and help.

I've never heard about that conker idea:p

Popperwell

kezlou wrote: »

Just thought i'd say sorry for loss popperwell.
I lost my mum to cancer 81/2 years ago. Its an awful thing to go through. You have my deepest sympathies.

My mother was the same, she literally waited till the nurses moved away into the kitchen and she passed away, could not believe it.

At the moment everything will remind you of your mum, form seeing certain colours through to making a cup of tea. It does become easier with time, you won't think it does right now, but slowly but surely it does.

(((hugs))

happy birthday byatt!

Thank you Mrs Chip and Kezlou,

You know Mum sailed through the radio therapy but in 7 months it was over and here I am and already 70 days have passed by. Everything you say is true.

I think but for this she would have been a long liver...she had sailed through two major things in the previous few years including a broken hip due to a fall and a crushed vertebrae, she was so strong in every other way and a fighter.

Maybe we were slow off the mark, see for a few years she had what we thought was(and it never really gave any problems)a haemorroid but too late it turned out to be rectum cancer.

I do find myself wondering what the point of it all is and I don't that will ever be answered and some of the joy of living has gone. I was never very materialistic, none of us were, we knew being there for each other was what was important. And every time Christmas and New Year came around I thanked God that we were together and hopefully would be for the next.