A new 'tougher' thread... and so it continues

Popperwell

Bluebag,
I am who I am because I had two wonderful parents and I must continue to make them proud of me. I will either sink or swim...

You could not have had two people so easy to get on with and cooperative and yet I felt we were fighting those who should have been helping us. They caused a lot of stress and heartache at a time that we should not have been put through that.

For all I am going through and have so far I am still compasionate and feel for others.

Can you believe even taxi drivers who knew Mum were upset about her being ill and were down when they heard the news. If they found out that I was in a taxi and they were not driving me they were contacting the driver of the taxi I was in and asking how Mum was and how I was doing...

One in particular who really felt it had some bad news to tell me a few days ago...his Mum had fallen at home and he'd arrived just as an ambulance arrived with the flashng blue lights, he walked in and found she was dead! So he's now going through a similar situation but he has family and is married so there is support.

fuddle

MrsLurcherwalker wrote: »

Hey FUDDLE hope you had a good day with the relatives and wowed they with your sartorial elegance!

I was looking good It was alright, although they seemed to take offence at me not drinking. One said to the other (I don't know them, SIL's in-laws) "She said she doesn't drink. How weird is that?!" Cheeky so-and-so. I rose above it. I'm really notgoing to get worked up over someone thinking it's wrong to not drink alcohol. One thing is I had a good free feed so that was good

Popperwell

More and more I care less what others think. I could never get to the bottom of something the Social Worker and District Nurse said when I eventually kicked up about what was going on when they said we were unconventional. How?

Its only recently someone said the trouble is not "Us" but them, professionals follow certain procedures and they cannot see things except their way.

If you don't need booze Fuddle good luck to you. It's your life.

nuatha

Popperwell wrote: »

I was there and still missed the final seconds...a resident who was in for respite said "You have to look after yourself" "Have lunch with me and then come back and look after your Mum" He waved to Mum, he turned to go out of the room, I said goodbye to him turned back to Mum and thought something was wrong. In that short time, she had stopped breathing and slipped away. Whether she passed away whilst he was in the room or as he left I have no idea.

Hi Popperwell,
I usually lurk on this thread rather than post (or make GQ's tea ) but thought this was something you may appreciate knowing.
Last year my father in law died from cancer, we had the support of an excellent Macmillan nurse and she'd warned us near the end that people often seem to rally and find a way to say goodbye, then slip away when your attention is diverted. In her career I'm sure she's known a lot of passings, but this actually put my mind to rest over several other deaths in my family. My Mum when I was 18, who died as a nurse spoke to my father and me just outside the doorway of Mum's room - a conversation which took seconds. My Gran, who who passed as my father answered the phone to me.
My father in law did indeed rally, we bid him goodnight and returned home, mother in law was sitting with him and when she was distracted changing a CD, he died.
We always wonder whether we could have done more, whether we could have been better or changed something that would have made a difference - we do our best, sometimes our best isn't as perfect as we'd like, but the thing to remember is that we did/do our best.
Part of that best is to survive and carry on, partly because its what our loved ones would expect and partly because that's how we carry their legacy. It isn't easy, some days are easier than others, and over time it becomes easier to enjoy some of the memories.
Meanwhile do the best you can, nobody should ever ask for more.

grandma247

Popperwell wrote: »

Its only recently someone said the trouble is not "Us" but them, professionals follow certain procedures and they cannot see things except their way.

Oh how true that is.

Popperwell

Thank you Nuatha, for what you have said and for posting specially when as you say you'd read more.

When my Father passed away in hospital 28 years ago(cancer)he was only there perhaps 12 hours.

We went home thinking we'd seen him the next day, we were not allowed to stay. Around 11pm(ish)we got a call to come in...by the time we arrived he'd passed away but the nurse said...he'd asked for some water. She had gone to the door and for some reason turned to around to have one last glance, in that short space of time...he'd passed away.

When I lost Dad at least we were there for each other. Now I do that alone but hope I have that inner strength. I have surprised myself so far and think contary to what I am writing, I am doing better than I feared.

But though I have had enough of Dr's and hospitals, I have to have a check up at the hospital on Thursday and my bloods taken on Monday so its always a bit of a worrying time when this comes round and I know at some point I will have to have an operation for a bit of a personal problem. I don't want to but...Mum would have been there for me but I'll be doing it alone but heigh ho...

nuatha

Popperwell wrote: »

Thank you Nuatha, for what you have said and for posting specially when as you say you'd read more.

You are very welcome

When my Father passed away in hospital 28 years ago(cancer)he was only there perhaps 12 hours.

We went home thinking we'd seen him the next day, we were not alllowed to stay. Around 11pm(ish)we got a call to come in...by the time we arrived he'd passed away but the nurse said...he'd asked for some water. She had gone to the door and for some reason turned to around to have one last glance, in that short space of time...he'd passed away.

When I lost Dad at least we were there for each other. Now I do that alone but hope I have that inner strength. I have surprised myself so far and think contary to what I am writing, I am doing better than I feared.

There's a lot of that inner strength shows in your posts.
I hope you continue to surprise and even delight yourself.

But though I have had enough of Dr's and hospitals, I have to have a check up at the hospital on Thursday and my bloods taken on Monday so its always a bit of aw orrying time when this comes round and I know at some point I will have to have an operation for a bit of a personal problem. I don't want to but...Mum would have been there for me but I'll be doing it alone but heigh ho...

You'll have the wishes and support of OS (and lurkers) which I'm aware isn't quite the same as someone to hold your hand when you need it, but can be surprisingly effective.
Its all too easy to neglect your own health or put things off (I can be an expert at it) pleased to read that you're continuing on.

Popperwell

grandma247,
I think from what I have written and others have, you have a fair idea of what we are like and how reasonable we are and our concerns about how we have been treated there are shortcomings. I did not want to delay Mum's funeral/cremation nd if they'd found something could've been done and Mujm would still be here how would I live with that? It would not bring her back.

But a cousin whose wife works in aursing home said a few days before Mum was cremated that there was something not quite right about the care she had received but once cremated it is too late. If they'd found something I would have just lost it! And I'd be beating myself up!

But of course I later discovered that Mum was released from the hospital to the home under a plan that suggests they knew she was never going to come back to her own home which I myself was never told. My hope always was that she would be back in her own surroundings which she wanted to be.

Popperwell

Nuatha,
I have put off whilst looking after Mum, not knowing this was going to happen I used to say I would have Mum looked after for a week, get fixed and bring her home. That never happened. My own problem is kidney related...In 1997 I went down with a rare condition and it wasn't looking good.

I have been on very, very strong medication including steroids and a drug that is given to avoid organ rejection when you have a transplant. it is an auto immune system problem. And now either due to further problems of mobility probably related to the other problem or the drugs that I have been on.

I don't think that I am depressed as such and I am taking an interest in things again. I guess writing things down does help.

Mum used to say all these thoughts are normal and everyone thinks them at some point but when you are not depressed they don't dominate your life and something else replaces them.

If/when I have that op it is not connected to the Kidney situation...

smileyt_2

Just popping in really quickly to say hugs to Popperwell and happy birthday to Byatt (all ten minutes of it that is left!). Popperwell, I can't add any more to the wise words that have been said. On a slightly different note, could you contact a kidney charity for help with dealing wiht benefits? Got to get to bed as I am having a volunteer induction at the dogs' home tomorrow at 10am so will have to be up early to get my own two babies walked and fed. Tired tonight.

Sweet dreams everyone xxx.