A new 'tougher' thread... and so it continues

Cheapskate

vjsmum - what a state of affairs! What happened to common sense prevailing? Hope he's settled soon, whether at hospital or supported at home x
smileyt - can only echo what the others have said; your home, your rules, regardless of whether the person's your child, lodger, hubby, mum.... x
fuddle - what a frustrating situation! Do they have their own money worries and are taking it out on you as you've got to grips with your finances? You're an adult, can manage your money (and it seems you've got yourself out of a hole as well!), kids are well-cared for, etc., I'd just smile sweetly and carry on (and then scream when they've gone! :rotfl:) x I have lots of family issues that cause me sleepless nights often, but have slowly (over 10 years) come to the conclusion that it's they who have problems and not me! :j

Our anniversary dinner wasn't very OS - bought pizza and potato salad with Parma ham, bought pudding, wine we had - total spend £8.10 with son's staff discount at SM, but still cheaper than going out! During dinner received texts from 2 oldest children (family problems I mentioned?) - but I bravely ignored them so I could enjoy my meal. I still haven't answered - I'm incommunicado tonight! :rotfl::rotfl:

A xo

prepareathome

Fuddle as hard as it is, like others have said from now on they do not come to yours you make arrangements to meet up out some where, budget ahead for lunch or afternoon tea ( be a lady who lunches), it will be worth it as if you are paying and its must be at a place you decide not them then you are in control. Even if it means putting a pot aside to add money to towards that.

smileyt - I know its supported living you are doing but that is it you are supporting him to live away from home by himself, you should only have to interfere if he hits a snag not look after him as if he was incapable of looking after himself, but its your home and you cannot be expected to clean up, he is there to learn that - or you give him dishes and if he leave them you dump them in his room and you buy a cheap padlock for your own dish and food cupboard, makes it a bit awkward I know but if he runs out of dishes and cannot get any more hopefully he will wash his used ones and might just get into the habit of doing them.

Hubby came home from work not feeling the best but as usual trying to get him to go to bed is like moving a mountain - but its not dark, its not late, I just want to watch this and while saying all this is dozing off, he always has had this thing that as he is grown up he cannot go to bed till very late even if all he does is sleep all night on the couch.....so not got any milk, just was enough for now so gives me the perfect reason to get up tomorrow and go and have my fasting bloods then pick up milk on way home for his breakfast ( he never eats before he goes out around 5 -6am) but should be in about 10am before doing his next round, but as he will have works van then he cannot go and buy milk so going to get head down, have given up on him, he is sitting down there with tv off insisting on drinking tea there instead of bringing it upstairs so no doubt will be there till 3am or so then will go to bed for an hour and moan how he tossed and turned.....men.....

Went to put more food out for birds as they are going through it with all the babies and found I had run out, was so sure I had another full packet, did have some nuts left but that was all so dug around and found a packet of sunflower seeds for us to eat, so they are out, I blitzed some bread to make breadcrumbs and some almonds and raisins in my kenwood grinder ( such a handy thing) and put them all out so hopefully birds should enjoy them and none big enough to choke a baby.

Wow he has just come up and is brushing his teeth, wonders will never cease and the thanked me for making him get up and go to bed - there you go even after 34 years you can be surprised by the males of the species. Right got to push two of three dogs off the bed so I can lie down, how come small dogs can take up some much space - their bed is big enough for all three to lie fully stretched and not touch each other yet lying on my bed much better.......

Night night all, lets hope I don't get up in morning and make a cuppa, water only must remember

Hugs, Love and Healing - sending extra to your DD Byatt, poor lamb xxxxxxxxxxx

Byatt

Thank you PAH, I so appreciate it and am very touched. :A

kidcat

byatt is your DD still having problems with her abcess?

grandma247

vjsmum I am so sorry your dad is back in hospital. Words fail me, and as someone else said there is precious little common sense any more. I hope they do it properly next time and make sure he is ready.

Fuddle ((hugs)) . I cannot understand why family members have to meddle in other family members lives. It shows a total lack of respect.

For what it is worth smiley your lads problem is also a lack of respect. He knows perfectly well he should do the clearing up and washing up but he is choosing to ignore it. I would get a calendar and mark off each time he does do the washing up so he can see just how often he does it. Men are very good at selective amnesia.

jpscloud

VJsmum, sorry to hear about your Dad - I hope it's just a temporary setback. It's such a big deal coming out of hospital after a long stay like that.

fuddle, I can't say more than others have said except to add my own support to you. I have a very judgemental and (if I'm really honest) uncaring father, he's uber selfish and can be very cruel without meaning to.

I have to just keep remembering that last bit! Maybe your Mum doesn't really mean to be hurtful, I don't know... but whatever the case, you absolutely must listen to us and not to her! We only know you via the forum but I am in no doubt at all that you are a lovely person full of love and kindness.

Byatt, thinking of you too - hope your DD feels better soon.

Well, family duties went surprisingly well and I also got to spend the evening with my lovely cousin, who besides my Mum is my bestest friend in all the world.

Night night all, I hope everyone has had/is having a good night.

fuddle

As always, thank you all for your support. I looks very bad seeing the words written down and I have paraphrased/took the worst elements/interpreted meaning etc but it still hurts and annoys me. Scratch that annoyed me. I just have to remember that if I needed help my mum would try her best to help me out. She does care for me in her own way, she's just a rude, opinionated lady. I have to just put up and shut up. I agree, no more coming here for a while. I'll go meet up with them, probably at my sisters, then the pressure is off me. The focus will be off me.

I can't at all sleep. I woke up fretting about approved food of all things. I didn't tell you but when I submitted my order I accidently ordered 51 packs of naan breads at a cost of £4ish. School boy error and I should have checked more carefully before I submitted. Anyway. I contacted them and obviously subconsciously fretting about what I'm going to do with them all so I had to get up to check my emails... 2, 1 saying they have amended order and refunded £3.99 and the other telling me my order is getting delivered today.

So now I'm happy. Going to lie on the sofa with the snoring dog and try to sleep in a minute.

Oh, and I've checked the weather for the next two weeks or so. Rain. Rain. Rain. Well, it makes preparing for winter not so much of a silly thing to do. Thermal vests for eldest and myself is on the cards. I bet with all this weather there's no bargains to be had!

Heads up AF have lentils 500g 49p. doves farm organic wholemeal flour 1kg 39p. broth mix 4 x 500g 99p according to alert email I had.

GreyQueen

VJsmum wrote: »

Oh dear - celebrated too soon. Dad has had to go back to hospital. He just isn't safe at home, can't stand on his legs. Not sure what is going to happen now....:(

Oh hun, that's awful. I sometimes seriously wonder about the decision-making powers in such cases. We had a classic example in our exended family of a couple in their 80s, no children, she with several chronic health probs who could barely walk and he with several health probs plus dementia. NHS wanted to discharge him and for her to be his carer. Not possible to cope and she gave them an ultimatum; you can bring him home if you like, but I shan't be here, I'm checking into a B & B. They found him a care home pdq. She wasn't joking btw; although they'd been married for 60+ years they hated each other for the last decades and lived separate lives under the same roof. They're even buried in different villages.:(

fuddle wrote: »

Mum and sister came to visit today. I was dreading it. I was right to dread it.

6) I need to get off the anti-depressants as I will become a walking zombie..

fuddle (((((hugs))))) no one should be put down-like that, never mind by their nearest and dearest. You strike me as a successful and level-headed woman and I'm sure if we met in the real world over a cuppa we'd get on like a house of fire. And that comment about anti-Ds is just plain ignorant. I know several people who use them and they're all working f/t and some of the liveliest people I know, they just have a chemical imbalance in their brains which can be corrected and by golly, they're taking advantage of the meds and getting on with their lives.

greenbee wrote: »

Smileyt - supported lodgings are about teaching life skills and preparing people for real life aren't they? So, your house, your rules. If he wants to cook using your facilities, then he clears up after himself. If he doesn't clear up after himself, he provides his own kitchen equipment and a sealed plastic (rodent-proof) crate to keeo the stuff he CBA to wash up in. Or you turf him out and ask for someone who is at least partially housetrained!QUOTE] Smileyt in my younger, skinter days, I shared flats with young men and I have to say that vile domestic habits are the norm, not the exception, but that you shouldn't have to put up with it. He's living in your home and that means he has to fit in with your lifestyle, not the other way around. I'd be livid if I was in your shoes. Perhaps it's time for some tough love and a suggestion that he cleans up after himself like the adult he is, as soon as he's finished eating, or he can find some other landlady.

Well, had a bit of a weird one yesterday. Came in just before 5pm and went to bed at 6pm as so tired couldn't keep my eyes open. Figured on having a wee nap then resurfacing after an hour but guess what..........slept for 12 hours! ME is such a fun-packed condition. I feel that I've been robbed of an evening and now have to go to work again. 'S'not fair!:p Thank golly it's Friday and after a few more hours at the salt mine I shall be a free woman for another couple of days.

I'm getting a wee bit of AF-envy (assuming this is a viable medical condition) but will have to restrain myself. I have plenty of storecupboard foods and no room for any more. Went to the Magic Greengrocer on the way home from w*rk and got a carrier bagful of fruit and veg for £1 so starvation not imminent.

Hokay, time to sort some brekkie. I forgot to take the h.m bread rolls out of the freezer yestereve (on account of being in Bedfordshire) so will be having porridge.

Have a good 'un and don't forget your brollies, it's a bit black over Will's Mother's.

Memory_Girl

fuddle hon

Hope today you can put it behind you -harder to do than to say I know.

You have a plan now - and you are working the plan. Its a quilt made up of lots of different patches and you are just starting to bring them all together - soon you will have a strong quilt that will keep your family safe and warm.

There is a strategy in place, one created with coaching from people who have been exactly where you are and have got themselves clear and supported by people who care about you and are working through this with you.

All you decisions HAVE been made with sound reasons, but I can see why you were annoyed at her "second guessing" you - I think I would be too ................... even though these same strategies have got me out of 10K of debt, saved my home and are providing for my family.

Keep the faith hon - we are here with you (even when all you need to do is rant)

................ and I may need the favour returned today as today I am in battle with a new piece of technology - AND IT IS NOT GOING TO WIN!!!

MG

shelley_crow

Fuddle, that's terrible! They've got no right at all to barge in and start telling you how to live your life. Grrrr. I find a "I didn't ask for your opinion" or "you are being nosy aren't you?" or "that's got nothing to do to you" might help them keep their thoughts to themselves. If they start on about antidepressents then a, "wow mum/sis, I don't remember you doing your medical degree, where did you graduate from again? Oh you're not actually a proper dr, best leave the medicating to the professionals then. You know, the ones who actually know what they are talking about." Grrr, I am incensed on your behalf.

Talking of drs, OH has been told he has to lose some weight, it surprised me because he doesn't look like he needs to. I know I do though. Need to tweek the meal plans and stop baking, argh.