A new 'tougher' thread... and so it continues

fuddle

I'm really unsure how our relationship is developing Byatt. DH has said that, that she's loosing the last bit of hold she has over me and that is why she's so negative about everything. I think my sister joins in because she gets a kick out of me being got at.

Although quiet, I am a strong person. Give me half an hour and it'll all be forgotten about i.e. onto the next hair brained idea/dilemma/drama

smileyt_2

Aw Fuddle, hugs to you. Take no notice of them. You are doing just fine and have the right ideas. You are among friends here and you will notice that no-one here has laughed at you or belittled you. All these forum members can't be wrong! You are also teaching your children important lessons about the value of money and how to use it rather than be a slave to it and to consumerism. You should be proud of yourself and I hope you are!

VJsmum I'm sorry to hear about your Dad. I hope the hospitals get it right this time. He must be so disappointed . I know an elderly lady who kept having to be readmitted to hospital, but now she is living back in her flat with carers coming in to see to her and she is fine. (Well, she's 91 and has dementia but she's OK in herself and quite happy to tick along). So there is hope for your Dad, it may just take a little more time.

No cats here - I'm allergic and Bruno would not tolerate 'the enemy' in the house :rotfl:.

Am I over-reacting here? Lodger-boy was away over the bank holiday weekend so I cleaned the kitchen and it was bliss. I did my washing-up every night and had the pleasure of coming down to a clean kitchen every morning. He came back last night, cooked spicy chicken and left the dishes. He went out at the crack of dawn to his voluntary work, came back briefly for five minutes, and then went to his friend's, where he might be staying overnight. Meanwhile, his stinky plates are in the sink and the bowl coated in curry spices and raw chicken juices is next to the sink and the kitchen smells of stagnant dirty water mingled with grease. I asked him about the washing up and he said he would do it tomorrow and what was the problem as he has been doing it every day up to now (he bl**dy hasn't!). Am I over-reacting? I think it has reached the stage where I am going to pull rank on him and say it's my house and I want the kitchen to be kept as clean as it is when I'm here on my own. :mad::mad::mad: The arrogance of youth :mad::mad::mad:.

Right, I'm off to empty his dishes from the sink, tidy up a bit and have a stab at the 'curry in a hurry' recipe.

Then I'm going to make a start on building an ark as it looks like it's going to rain for forty days and forty nights .....

Hobsons_Choice

VJs Mum. So sorry to hear about your dad. I sometimes think the NHS is going to hell in a handcart! My friend was treated for lung cancer, had part of her lung removed and sent home after seven days with paracetamol! Great.
My niece has had her pre-op ready for a hysterectomy and told to go home and wait. The hospital that's two streets away can't do the op and she will have to travel to one 40 miles away! I despair sometimes.

And Fuddle: I guess they're just totally JEALOUS of the way you're running your home and family. It is your right to run it as efficiently as suits your budget and lifestyle.....which is what you're doing.

smileyt: Of course you're not over reacting. Are you there to be his servant? I think not! You pull rank kiddo, like most of the male population they need to know you will NOT be taken for granted.

I've been out today, my feet are rusty but I swear I've grown two inches (blasted rain).

mardatha

Fuddle I bet a good few of us in here will know exactly how you feel. Seriously. xx

greenbee

Smileyt - supported lodgings are about teaching life skills and preparing people for real life aren't they? So, your house, your rules. If he wants to cook using your facilities, then he clears up after himself. If he doesn't clear up after himself, he provides his own kitchen equipment and a sealed plastic (rodent-proof) crate to keeo the stuff he CBA to wash up in. Or you turf him out and ask for someone who is at least partially housetrained!

Fuddle - ignore them. And next time they invite themselves over, tell them no. Meet them on neutral ground where they can't see the stuff about your life that you don't want them too. Keep your personal space personal and don't let them pollute your happy home. Try reading Toxic Parents too...

Byatt

Smiley, no not over-reacting. Your home, your rules and he doesn't leave the house until washing/clearing up done.

fuddle

Smiley I think you have got to say something. There's this one thing that is really bugging you and it is your home and that really he should be falling over himself to just do his dishes. You're not over-reacting at all.

I don't know about jealousy over how I'm running my home but I was wondering if I appear to be more content now, more grounded, in control and actually happier with my lot. Maybe they're not so happy and it makes them feel better to pittle on my parade kind of thing. I don't know. Anyhoo, yes. I am with a great bunch of people here.

off to read toxic parents. Thank you

lizzyb1812

fuddle wrote: »

Mum and sister came to visit today. I was dreading it. I was right to dread it..........

Oh Fuddle

I'm probably of your mum's generation (mid 50s) and don't have any children but I would NEVER presume to say such things or even think them about a daughter who is so clearly trying very hard to do her best for her family.

Keep doing what you're doing love - you have lots of support on here

Lizzyb

kidcat

vJsmum - how appalling, I was catching up and all ready to post congrats then see your next post. I do wish that these things were fully thought out before confusing older people. My mums friend has cancer and is dying, its recommended she go into a palliative care place, however there are no spaces. The friend is also adamant she wants to go home, she is 80 and the cancer is addling her brain, her OH is 87 and frail. Yet some moron at the hospital thought it was a good idea to allow her to go home and be cared for by her OH.

He cannot lift her and she cannot walk, they have no downstairs bathroom and she cannot walk upstairs. two days later she was returned to hospital in agony - apparently she also requires a drip for her painkillers!

If pouring rain again here, I have taken children to the aquarium today, it was absolutely bursting with people which made DS very difficult to handle. As a result I am exhausted this evening, although in fairness I have visited my aunt this evening finally and I found that emotionally draining too.

managed to call past Mr A on way home and got some whoopsies, which were well received into my trolley.

Trifles - I am afraid I concur, you have been chosen and are now the official pet of said cat, good luck with your training.

Fuddle - I really wouldnt tell them what you are doing any more, just basics and general. Certainly I would be refraining from any money talk and if she brings up finances simply change subject or leave.

elona

Fuddle

Any idiot can rain on someone's parade! It does not mean they are right.

A fool can ask questions a wise man cannot answer. It does not make them wise - just a pain in the posterior.

Sorry if I sound awful but the less intelligent someone is - the more critical and judgemental they become. I bet you would never treat them the way they treat you and that makes you so much the better person.