A new 'tougher' thread... and so it continues

LavenderBees

Hope this isn't your company - we circulated something similar round our HR dept [STRIKE]last [/STRIKE] this year. Hope it didn't give the HR Manager ideas


Dress Code.
It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

Sick Days
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Personal Days
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.

Bereavement Leave
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.

Toilet Use
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders category". Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.

Lunch Break
Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.



Thanks to you all for keeping me company. Sweet dreams all.

S x

prepareathome

someone's eager it seems to see the back of 2011 as they have started their fireworks, better go and join hubby and grab a drink......happy new year all.......sorry jokes never stay in my memory am hopeless with them and card games cannot remember then no matter how hard I try.....

Fruball

Wishing all the Toughies a fabulous 2012

Nite nite xx

paidinchickens

blinkin prada hills *****........... girl stops me and asks for a fag and because I gave her a roll up starting going on about how she was high up in the RAF and how well she was doing and I should aspire to something lol. Then the **** calls me fat when she was at least a stone or three heavier than me and then calls me a liar for saying i was only under 9 stone plus when I said at least I have had two kids she said oh I bet they don't love you..... DH said I should have knocked her out but at nearly forty I could not be asked to chase the stuck up **** down the road, besides what do you do when their Dad is apologising and saying she has had a tough time lately........... thinking oh she may have been abroad somewhere rough but no, silly *** is only admin in UK grrrrrrrrrrrr may karma bite the b*** in the butt............yeah me for not fighting though but now sat here thinking I should have spread her across the road !!!!!!!!! ******* New years no wonder I stay home.


I am so sorry if this does not make sense but out of 24 years this is the first New years I have been out and I have had a few glasses more than normal.

I am really upset people are so up them selves and so mean when you stop to help.......even in a nicotine emergency.........never again. Horrid person.

PIC xx

Moral of the story GIVE UP SMOKING !!!!!

Hardup_Hester

I went to bed before midnight, as others have said, the TV was dire, so I read my Kindle instead.
Let's hope we can all keep out heads above water for another year.
Wishing you all a stressfree new year.
Hester

fuddle

In such a positive mood this morning. I am relieved.

I'm determined to sort out my stress levels. I've looked into how to help with food which will tie into ragz weightloss challenge. When ragz give me that kick up the bot the other day I went and joined the challenge and will try to lose some weight. Acceptance, in this instance, was being lazy and not being bothered to change for the better.

That being said I am trying out my new puddling dish today. I'm making a golden syrup pudding for after dinner. I'm also going to wear my apron all day. Do aprons make any one else happy? I have a bizarre love for aprons.

A very windy day here, again. And it's raining. A day indoors, just me and the kids today. We're going to make puppets (they got a kit for christmas) and I am going to get on with a bit of crochet.

katieowl_2

Good morning and a Happy New Year to OSers.

Cooked OH's birthday dinner last night which was a nice meal, but one of the DD's and I were both feeling carp, so didn't eat much, and I'd offered to drive other DD and BF home, so no drinkies for me, and I'm still feeling carp this morning. Feels like a tummy bug.

I made my HM butter from the whoopsied cream yesterday - OMG I am SO impressed! I got 3 12oz packages and one 1lb package of butter from 4 X 600ml pots of double cream - which cost me 40p a pot, and I've got 600ml of buttermilk to use in something baked. I made three lots and saved the last batch to show DD no. 1 when she arrived, as I knew she'd be impressed (she was!) I so often see cream whoopsied, so will definitely do this again. OH who is a bit lactose intolerant was looking at it askance, but I'm going to cut it into 100g chunks and freeze it, and I'll probably mainly use it for baking.

So it's offical - you CAN teach an old dog new tricks! :rotfl: I've been squeaky tight and frugal for years, and I've never done butter before!

Also part of my masterplan for next year was not to buy any books until I've read all the unread ones in the house, I thought I might be able to feed my vice via freebies for Kindle, but really wasn't at all sure I fancied forking out for a Kindle....but I read whilst searching on here yesterday (about free kindle books) that you can download a Kindle PC reader for FREE from Amazon, which I have now done!!! And got my first free download - LOL! :T

Anyway...off to try and drag DS out of bed, as he's supposed to be over at my friends at ten, feeding her dogs and cats, as she was away last night!

Kate

parsonswife8

Happy New Year everyone...here's to another O/S money saving one.:beer:

miss_emmajane

Morning all and happy new year

I fell asleep at 10pm, all full of cold but had a nice day with my OH. We went to see The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo at 5pm, then we made a nice curry together at home. I woke up for the countdown but was half asleep and in a mood because I didn't feel well so it wasn't great, then had an awful nights sleep, woke up and cried. I feel much better now, still full of cold but having a little cry made me feel better! I think I am the only one of my friends to stay in, I think I am getting old before my years at twenty-four because I would much rather that than busy venues/not being able to get a taxi/drunk people everywhere .... and aside from my cold I feel nice and fresh this morning, hangover free zone!

Starting the year as I mean to go on, NSD & NPD is my aim but it won't be hard as I am going to stay snuggled up in bed!

Hope everyone has a nice day

icontinuetodream

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!:beer:

Hoping to have a reasonably productive day today.....sprogs returned home at 4am so have had very little sleep and as one of my promises to myself is to stop procrastinating......the new me will get on with stuff that I should have done yesterday but was aching too much from my big dog walk to do!!

Hope everyone is not too hungover and enjoys their day.....:D