Advice re: Ex and my Mother.

newcook

bunty109 wrote: »

Doodot, I totally understand how you must be feeling. I don't suppose it would be an idea to take you mum with you to the psychologist and examine the effect her actions might be having on the boys?

Or to have a session herself…

To be honest I too would be putting the kids in after school care and telling them that you are the only person to collect them.
I might even go as far as to say that if your mom wants to see the kids she can come to yours so you can see what she brings with her (cards or presents so she cant give to the kids without you knowing)

Ames

Why do you want them to have a relationship with their grandma? Is it because she's a nice person who enriches their life? Is it because they love her? Is it because you think kids should have that relationship?

My mum kept me and my sister in touch with our grandparents for the second two reasons. Little did she know that we hated our grandad (for very good reason), and there was nothing positive from the relationship. In fact, there could have been a lot of negative (he's very racist, narcissistic, and more). Luckily we saw through him from an early age.

Sorry to be blunt, just something to think about.

mummyroysof3

at least now he has been you havent got to worry about him turning up when kids are there..have a word with her..is it possible for themto go elsewhere after school to avoid her being alone if she is causing them problems?

Abbafan1972

I would be fuming with my Mother for going behind my back so blatantly!

I would definitely arrange for alternative after school care. I only think that Grandparents enrich kids' lives if they are actually "interested" in them and it's not just about sending a card with £20 inside at birthdays and Christmas, which is what my in-laws do.

I hated my one Nan (dad's mom) and did go and stay with her occasionally, she was a horrible woman, pictures of her 2 favourite Grandchildren on the wall, whereas mine would get stuffed into a drawer. I was glad when she died actually.

doodoot

It's tough being in this sort of situation huh?

Firstly she is the only family that I have, and therefore the only family that my boys have - I hardly see my half-brothers and see no-one from my father's side.

So I suppose I don't want to cut her off and then years down the line get grief from my sons that they weren't able to decide for themselves whether to see her or not.

They themselves say to me that 'nana's just being batty mum, ignore her' and they don't get upset...it's me that rages.

She treats them both like kings, so her immediate behaviour towards them isn't an issue - they always get well fed and looked after when they go.

It's just her strange attitude...last night I told her that me and DH have decided to get the CSA to chase after my ex and she said it's about time! :eek:

Go figure...:rotfl: