Help-Father-In-Law tried to commit suicide

dancingfairy

Hi - what a terrible time for all
Whilst I agree that you should try and support your husband as much as possible it's obviously putting a great deal of strain on you (and bringing up some issues).
I'd definitely see if you can speak to some very close friends (who aren't likely to gossip) or maybe someone like the Samaritans/ a private councillor for a few sessions to try and get things off your chest so you can be there for your husband as much as possible.
Best of Luck
df

Thriftkitten

Sorry to hear your husbands dad is so ill, unfortunatly he felt no other way than to attempt something so awful.
Re your immediate family, I'm sure the children are missing their dad as much if not more than you, maybe you could offer your mother in law a helping hand at this awful time, sometime pain and anguish is better shared, rather than handled alone, you, although not as much as your hubby are also feeling anguish, are you able to offer any help to mother in law?? if only the offer of a coffee over a phonecall a couple of times a week, if closer, maybe a food shopping trip for essentials, this will relieve stress for both parties, maybe during the day if you have younger children have them paint some pictures for daddy, make something xmassy for him so that when he comes home he sees them and feels comforted that you all have done something nice for him whilst he has been away.
If you find yourself housebound and climbing the walls why not join the "Preparing for winter 111" thread on here part of the old style money saving thread I think. they have people who post what they are doing to prepare their home for winter and it really will help to take your mind off the monotony of the day rather than looking at the phone all day.
Hugs to your family and the little ones, try to hang in there, your hubby will really appreciate the fact that you are holding things down whilst there is madness all around him.:)

Peanuckle

My husband lost his Father at the beginning of this year after a year of knowing it was coming because of cancer. I know he struggled with the confusion of fearing losing his Dad but also beating himself up over the fact that at times he wished it was all over and done with. He felt so guilty over that but it was a normal reaction to the situation. We can only speculate how your husband is feeling at the moment but there is bound to be an element of hate for his father, for creating this situation, guilt over feeling that way and also over the fact his Dad didn't feel he could open up to the family over what had happened and took what seemed to be the easy way out. Alongside all of this he has the fear that he's losing the man he's always looked up to and the confusion of "will I turn into him"?

It's a very stressful and emotional time even without all the travelling, decision making and trying to hold everything together all at the same time. To be honest I would be keeping an eye out for signs of him having a breakdown and questioning myself over whether he's safe doing all that driving whilst so distracted?
Is there no way he could either spend a few days staying at his Mum's house to cut out the travelling or could you even step in and offer to drive him over a few times? The children will cope as long as you reassure them that Daddy does love them but it's a busy time for him.
It's a tough one and there are no right or wrong answers, you know your husband, would he want to talk or just appreciate you welcoming him home with open arms and no questions? Ask him what you can do to ease the load? The situation won't last forever but your marriage should, so be patient and be there for him. Best of luck x

getmore4less

I don't recall you aying how old they are but remember the kids are also potentialy about to lose a granddad they need to be prepared as well.

how close are they to grandad, have they seen him.

When I was looking after my dying mum we had to take time out,
near the end so we were never away for too long this would be simple thing like just going for a nice meal, neutral surrounding, not home or hospital.

If practical could you all go over and perhaps stay in a hotel nearby just for a couple of nights as a family

Mayflower10cat

I read your experience literally with my hand over my mouth, I was shocked and so sad for all your family. What a dreadful and tragic sequence of events. My deep sympathies go out to you all at this hardest of times.

Husbands (not always!) can find it hard to offer emotional support/accept emotional support. I'm sorry to read that you felt your husband wasn't entirely there for you recently - many of us have loving partners that on the whole are brilliant but just every so often, they haven't got that empathy that we really need and often that's a nasty surprise.

I do feel very sorry for your husband and his poor Mum, what a dreadful situation they're facing. Not just the betrayal which is bad enough, the suicide attempt and the method chosen are terrible to bear. I'm trying to imagine from a childs point of view how I'd have felt to be told not just that my Grandad was seriously ill, but that he'd tried to kill himself.

Please, as everyone here has already said, just do the best you can to show your husband you are firmly on his side and that whatever he needs, you will be there.

I truly hope you will all cme to feel closer as a family at this dark time and be even more loving and kind to each other. And I'm so very sorry.

Needhelpsaving

Hi anon - my thoughts are with you x

I may be completley off the mark here, but maybe the fact that he is travelling so far everyday is adding to this. I don't want this to come across wrongly, but how about telling him that you are concerned that he is running himself into the ground and maybe agree that he stays with his mum a couple of nights a week so he can get a bit more sleep (if thats possible in this situation). I appreciate its not ideal in the short term, but it might give you both the little bit of space you need and once he has the time and energy to get his head around the situation he has found himself in, he might be able to open up to you a bit more and when he does see the kids, he might be able to spend a little more quality time with them, which in turn would take a little pressure off you.

I do apologise if this has come across wrongly x

anon0079

Thanks again everyone for more responses. Last night after reading your responses it really made me buck myself up to be honest and catch myself on I know I was being selfish now looking back but that was just how I felt at that time it had all built up and that normally doesn't happen me. I was on a different planet yesterday!! I can't lie, I am angry that FIL has put this pressure on everyone within a couple of hours so many lives changed, family circles entirely broken up so many unanswered questions, honestly at the start I felt like we're part of tv show and its not real!! The shock was terrible for everyone there was no warning at all. It's the worst possible situation, I have not been to see FIL because I don't see the point tbh I just don't know what I'd say to him, I just see that he caused this all, I see it as cowardly how he acted but then again I have never been that far through so can't judge. I do think he must have been desperate to try what he done and I feel sorry that it reached that stage. My opinions are my own and I have to keep them to myself at the end of the day this man raised my Husband and other siblings and did a very good job and they love him dearly they really are on the fence, yes they are angry and admit he done wrong but they don't want him to die like this. My MIL refuses point blank to see him also and has not visited since it happened she is angry with him and hurt and wants answers. Our children are 2, 4 and 8, the two younger ones haven't really a clue whats going on, but our eldest was asking questions and his father spoke to him today (he can be an over analyser like I can be sometimes). My FIL would have been generous with the children but to be honest didn't bother with them much and that may be down to us not been nearer to them. When my husband come home last night he actually come in spoke to me in depth and said I was been really supportive and he hoped I didn't feel excluded,we needed that for both of us. We are a strong couple but thats due to us talking any problems out normally but this was a hard situation. I decided to make arrangements and go to MIL's today to be with her (I also was down for the first few days and I know she appreciated it) In honestly I can't imagine how she feels, today she seemed to be pushing the family away but we know she is going through a nightmare and expect her to be all over the place. Me and Hubby are so much happier today, I also spoke to a family member and have arranged to go out for a coffee and chat, I've also suggested a family day for the kids not atm but down the line and Hubby wants that to. We will just have to wait and see what happens but know it won't be an easy road. I hope what I can take away from this is that life is hard each of us face so many challenges and it can either make or break us, I hope it will make us stronger. Thanks x

neverdespairgirl

Good luck to you all - it's not much fun for you either, at the moment.

I agree with you, suicide can be (not necessarily) a very selfish act, and I completely see your point that FIL got caught, and threw his toys out of the pram in a massive way.

I also think you're right that saying this to OH at the moment isn't a great move.

victory

Glad you feel better and spoke to other half but please keep talking and sharing with everyone you can it makes it all easier:D

Nicki

anon0079 wrote: »

Thanks again everyone for more responses. Last night after reading your responses it really made me buck myself up to be honest and catch myself on I know I was being selfish now looking back but that was just how I felt at that time it had all built up and that normally doesn't happen me. I was on a different planet yesterday!! I can't lie, I am angry that FIL has put this pressure on everyone within a couple of hours so many lives changed, family circles entirely broken up so many unanswered questions, honestly at the start I felt like we're part of tv show and its not real!! The shock was terrible for everyone there was no warning at all. It's the worst possible situation, I have not been to see FIL because I don't see the point tbh I just don't know what I'd say to him, I just see that he caused this all, I see it as cowardly how he acted but then again I have never been that far through so can't judge. I do think he must have been desperate to try what he done and I feel sorry that it reached that stage. My opinions are my own and I have to keep them to myself at the end of the day this man raised my Husband and other siblings and did a very good job and they love him dearly they really are on the fence, yes they are angry and admit he done wrong but they don't want him to die like this. My MIL refuses point blank to see him also and has not visited since it happened she is angry with him and hurt and wants answers. Our children are 2, 4 and 8, the two younger ones haven't really a clue whats going on, but our eldest was asking questions and his father spoke to him today (he can be an over analyser like I can be sometimes). My FIL would have been generous with the children but to be honest didn't bother with them much and that may be down to us not been nearer to them. When my husband come home last night he actually come in spoke to me in depth and said I was been really supportive and he hoped I didn't feel excluded,we needed that for both of us. We are a strong couple but thats due to us talking any problems out normally but this was a hard situation. I decided to make arrangements and go to MIL's today to be with her (I also was down for the first few days and I know she appreciated it) In honestly I can't imagine how she feels, today she seemed to be pushing the family away but we know she is going through a nightmare and expect her to be all over the place. Me and Hubby are so much happier today, I also spoke to a family member and have arranged to go out for a coffee and chat, I've also suggested a family day for the kids not atm but down the line and Hubby wants that to. We will just have to wait and see what happens but know it won't be an easy road. I hope what I can take away from this is that life is hard each of us face so many challenges and it can either make or break us, I hope it will make us stronger. Thanks x

I hope this doesn't sound really weird or creepy, but you come across on this thread as a really lovely, warm and honest person. I think your husband and your MIL are really lucky to have you. I sincerely hope that nothing like this ever happens to me, but if it did you are exactly the kind of spouse, or daugher in law, or friend, I would want to have supporting me!

Hope things start improving for you all soon.