Do you let your toddler in bed with you?

make_me_wise

My nephew tried this on with my brother and sil. After a couple of nights of 'hell' as my brother put it, with nephew wriggling and messing around, he was told to stay in his own room.

They put a nightlight on, bought a big teddy and put one of my brothers t-shirts on it and he snuggled down with this. The slight cost in extra electric is worth it according to my brother to retain his sleep and sanity.

osian

My three year old goes to sleep in her own bed but regularly comes into ours in the early morning (6-7ish), or occasionally during the night (3ish). I don't fight it. I just lift her up in-between us and she goes back to sleep quickly, as do we. I don't see it as an issue (unless it's one of those nights where we are kicked all night!)

I have a friend who is always shattered because her child comes in at night and she spends half the night trying to put her to bed. This has gone on for a couple of years.

neverdespairgirl

On a more general front, I'm about to mount a hobby horse of mine.

Why do people think children ought to learn that their fears, emotions and needs don't matter? The whole idea of controlled crying, locking a child in the room, all the rest of it, is repugnant to my mind.

Don't people remember the fear from their own childhood of knowing that there was a monster under the wardrobe / bat hiding in the dark? Those feelings don't need to be endless pandered to and encouraged, but recognising them is important, I think.

The lessons children learn from controlled crying etc are entirely negative ones, to my mind.

Alias_Omega

Sometimes they come into our bed, depends on the time of the night & if they wont settle.

Its always the comfort hugs of Mum & Dad that send them off to sleep again.

merlot123

My two children when younger slept in our bed, my daughter just wanted company and we were happy with that. My Son on the other hand was genuinely frightened and slept with us for several years.

I remember as a child being frightened of the dark and shadows on the wall, my parents way of dealing with it was to shout at me every night despite me in tears very frightened and alone.

No way on Gods earth would I do that to my children, as a parent I'm here to protect them, and help them overcome their fears, shouting, using a gate or ignoring children crying because they are frightened doesn't work.

My children both decided one Christmas Eve to sleep in their own beds, and have done so for many years now.

Mimi09

Thank you everyone for your replies. I've decided not to make it an issue. I remember being scared when little, and as many have said, he'll prbably decide to move into his own room by himself. Thankyou for your reassurances.

hayleyc_2

I haven't read all the posts, but why should a child have to be scared to be allowed to snuggle up with his/her parents! My little girl is 17 months and usually sleeps a lot of the night in our bed anyway, but if my son who is 4 wakes in the night wanting a cuddle then that's what I'm there for! He knows that if he wants to he can come and cuddle up with us at any time of the night if he needs to. In my opinion, children will only become more clingy and insecure if they're not given the comfort they need when they need it. It makes me cross when people always see childrens behaviour as 'trying it on' or trying to get the upper hand.

vicker

My niece, aged 17 still co sleeps. Her mum (my sis) let her start doing this aged 2 when she became scared in the nighttime, she thought it was a phase, 1 year on she was still there. Sis kept thinking she'd grow out of it. Aged 5 onwards she tried to get her back into her own bed. 7 years of battling to get a night alone in her own bed, my sister put her foot down and told niece that she was getting a lock on the door and she could not come in.

After a month of sleepless nights for both of them (and my nephew) our mum suggested that niece came to sleep at hers (5 min walk away). Mum thought this would mean sleeping in the spare room. Niece climbed in with mum. 5 years on, mum still gets niece round every night and lets her share the bed.

I find it shocking. She's 17 years old. Everyone said she'd grow out of it, but still hasn't.

Our children only ever come in our bed for morning cuddles.

I find it a far better practice, if you really feel they are needing that reassurance, to give them a huge cuddle for a while, then put them down and curl up with a blanket next to their cot and hold their hand/stroke their hair through the bars. If older, I got into the toddler bed with them and cuddled rather than them come in with me. You stay for a bit, calm them, reassure them, help them relax, always telling them up front you will be leaving soon. Then off you go.

I've heard too many stories of husbands being kicked out of their own beds, or parents having no sleep for years on end, to have ever let our kids get in our bed.

skintchick

My DD is just over 2. She coslept with us for a year (I wish now it had been longer) and since then has had her own room but regularly comes in with us on waking at whatever time (rarely sleeps through) because it is easier then trying to get her back to sleep in her room only to be woken again 30 mins later.

I have no problem with it and am confident she'll grow out of it eventually. ANd if she doesn't, I don;t actually mind, in olden days we'd all have slept together in one bed.

Having said that, just to make you laugh/scare you to death, OH's colleague told him some months back that his 19yo daughter wasn;t very well, wandered (scantily clad cos she was in nightwear) into dad's room and asked if she could get in with him! He was very shocked and said no lol. But really, would there have been anything wrong with it? She felt ill and wanted to cuddle up to her dad to feel better, to me there's no higher praise of your parenting than that.

neverdespairgirl

hayleyc wrote: »

In my opinion, children will only become more clingy and insecure if they're not given the comfort they need when they need it. It makes me cross when people always see childrens behaviour as 'trying it on' or trying to get the upper hand.

I agree. If you're confident in your support and love as a child, you'll be more secure and independent.