Do you let your toddler in bed with you?

Mimi09

A tad frazzled and can't see the wood for the trees. My 2.5 year old slept a good 11 hours with no problem until we went on holiday. He shared a bed with my OH ( I shared with DD who has sleeping problems due to her condition). Ever since then he has become hysterical about sleeping by himself, saying he's scared etc. Now I know this is a perfectly normal phase, I remember being scared myself as a child....

I've always been led to believe its a no no to have your child in bed with you. At the moment he has stories in his bed, waits until i go downstairs, climbs into my room and falls asleep immediately. I then put him back in his own room. Somewhere between 10 and 4 he'll wake up crying and come back into my bed.

He obviously needs the security, I'm wondering is it really all that bad to have him in bed? If I let him, is it a phase that he'll grow out of? DD gets up at 5, so I'm Knackered and don't feel up to fighting this. Any experiences/thoughts would be welcome.....

onlyroz

You need a gate to go over the door to his room, and you need to be firm. It'll be a tough few weeks but with bribery and persistence he'll be fine.

Alikay

I don't agree with gating a frightened child in his own room, but the wandering into your bed in the early part of the evening isn't on. Can you give him your pillow or something that smells of you for him to have as a comforter in his own bed? And make sure he can hear household noise, maybe keeping the living room door open so he is reassured that you're nearby.

Coming in to your room in the night is a normal reaction to him feeling scared and either you could train him to call out for you, and you'll go to him (which could possibly disrupt your sleep even more) or maybe make up one of those inflatable children's "sleepover beds" in your room so he can be nearby if he gets scared but not actually in your bed with you.

rachbc

if it works for you then why not? Not many 13 year olds get into bed with their parents so he will grow out of it at some stage - wih encouragement to gain independnace and a rate he feels comfortable with rather than 'toughness' that might leave him feel more insecure.

peachyprice

Mimi09 wrote: »

I've always been led to believe its a no no to have your child in bed with you.

I'm wondering is it really all that bad to have him in bed?

There's nothing 'wrong' with having your child in bed with you, as long as you are all happy with the sleeping arrangements.

For me, it's a no-no purely because I'm selfish and I can't stand being crowded in bed, it's my space and I don't want to share it with anyone other than my OH and wouldn't sleep well at all with a child in there too.

If you and your OH are happy to share with your son, then no, it's not 'bad'.

One thing to bear in mind though, the longer it goes on the harder it is to break the habit. My sis is now regretting being so free and easy with her bed, her children are 11 and 15 and still want to bed hop, it's rare in her house that anyone sleeps in their own bed. Now that would drive me insane and it's really starting to get to her OH too, causing a fair bit of friction.

MessyMare

While I don't have children, I distinctly remember getting into my parents bed, but only in the morning- I wasn't allowed any other time, they came to me if I was ill etc

idristhedragon

Oh My God how could any of you not let a frightened child in the bed to be comforted? We are pack animals and as somene said before- you dot get kids still doing it at 13 so just ride it out. Gating them in a room :mad: is just going to make them more scared, insecure and frightened and want to get in your bed even more. Have a snuggle and its a phase that will pass shortly, as all childrens phases.

All mine (now 14,8,6 and 3) have got in with us through the years and now sleep merrily in their own beds each night, or in each others at the weekend when they have "sleepovers" in each others bedrooms :rotfl:

Buttonmoons

My little one used to sleep fine by herself, with the lights off, none of this "Scared" nonsense. After being poorly and I let her in my bed for a week at age 3, she magically got scared, off her dolls, her cupboard, the dark etc etc.

It's just me and her, she's 5......and she is in my bed still! I don't actually mind, she's cheaper than an electric blanket, I have a king size that needs filled, but it can be annoying sometimes, especially when I have to get up at 11pm to work, and she starts mithering on about sleeping alone/light being off.

She isn't scared of the dark, I don't care what she says!

gill_hc

A sticker chart has always worked with my DD2 but am not sure if yours would be too young for it yet ?? The only problem is that the night after she gets her toy then child + new toy ends up back in my bed so we just start another chart. Oh well a £2 little pet shop every month is a small price for me to pay for a months worth of sleep but probably not very MSE !!
Please be very careful with the stair gate - we tried that then middle of the night there was a terrible thump where she had climbed over the stair gate by piling up toys and then while balancing on the top fell off the thing. Luckily she wasn't hurt but it did give me a fright....

Angel9876

I let my 2.5 year old into my bed whenever she likes and never reject her. At first she came through every night and now only comes through when ill or scared (less than once a month). I don't think I'm harming her in any way - she doesn't seem any more dependant on me than her friends are on their mothers.

I don't get the current thinking that we should gate them in their rooms. It seems so harsh. But to be honest I don't really get a lot of our modern day techniques with child rearing. For example, a few weeks ago I was moaning at my mother about my baby who wants to be fed to sleep all the time. I was saying that I knew it had to stop, but that I couldn't bear the idea of controlled crying either. She said that in her day, they had an intermediary step before they went to cc - hand on chest and saying shh shh. Works a treat for me. Why had my health visitor been so quick with telling me the controlled crying route had to be done?

Trust yourself on this one, OP. I don't think there really is a right answer.

adamantine

the child may not be scared and may just be trying it on to get into mum and dads bed. maybe mum and dads bed is more comfy?

i have a gate on my kids room but thats coz i dont have one at the top of the stairs so its a safety thing not a keeping them in their room thing but that is a bonus lol.

if the child isnt scared then maybe a gate could be an option after everything else has been exhausted. supenanny recommends the rapid return technique where you say the first time "its time for bed night night" or whatever you normally say put the child back to bed and leave. 2nd time you simple say "its time for bed" put the child back and leave. 3rd and any subsequent times you put the child back saying nothing. they soon get the message.

if however you want the child in your bed then that is entirely up to you. there is nothing wrong with it if its what you want to do.