Do you let your toddler in bed with you?

WestonDave

If you've had a kid with genuine night terrors you'll know that for some kids its not just a means of seeking attention. Attention seeking kids don't sit up bolt upright screaming in bed, totally fail to recognise you (because although their eyes are open they are actually still in the dream) and require repeated reassurances in order to get back to sleep.

That said we did manage to get through that phase without resorting to having our son sleep in bed with us - often it meant us sitting for long periods in the chair next to his bed, or even lying on the floor next to the bed. He was however willing to go back to his own bed provided someone sat with him until he fell asleep - sometimes after a while he'd say to us that we could go back to bed now as he was OK.

If you want to have him in bed then its not a problem unless its a problem for you - however if its just a means of getting attention at some point you'll need to make the change which may be harder as time goes on. I'd look to make his room as inviting as possible - maybe let him choose a new set of bedding with some favourite characters on (Argos do an Octonauts set for example for relatively little money). You can then ask him who he thinks should sleep in the new bed - him or mummy/daddy. Chances are he will at least say that he will, and hopefully with a bit of "banter" over mummy having his nice duvet set if he doesn't want to sleep in it, he will gradually decide that he's OK with sleeping in there. Do try things like leaving a light on somewhere - we leave the shaving light on in the bathroom, which by the time its gets across the landing into their room is pretty dim but enough that when they wake they can make out the shapes of things in the room rather than them becoming like monsters.

Try also to see what he's scared of - if it is "real" then it will probably from our experience quite vivid - our son could take us back into the room and try to point at the "wasp" (etc) he could see crawling on his bed - of course there was nothing there but he was absolutely convinced there had been moments earlier. If you know what it is you can then try to explain that it was a dream and that sometimes we see things when we are asleep that aren't real - for example because wasps all die off in the winter etc. To some extent however you just have to be the parent and help them get through it at whatever cost to you it takes.

Cullumpster

my ds always wants to sleep in my bed but I always say no not tonight because it's a school night, but if.you sleep in your bed for *add the amount of sleeps till the wekend* you can sleep.with mummy, always seems to work and he's usually forgotten about it by friday!

sassyblue

My 5y.o DS comes into our bed most nights, sometimes it'll be 1am sometimes 7am - sometimes not at all. l work everyday and love my sleep so l'm not turning it into a battle. He won't want to sleep with us when he's a teenager so l'm okay with it.

Don't be too stuck on rules OP, if it works for you and your little one, fine!

onlyroz

Is there any indication that this child has genuine night terrors? I'd say it's more likely to be an attention-seeking phase, which my own son went through at about age 3.5. It just takes persistence of repeatedly putting them back to bed, no eye-contact, a gate to keep the blighter in, and a promise of a reward if they make it x-number of nights without getting out of bed (sticker charts help here).

mammyof7

My 5 year old sleeps with me every single night. All my kids have been in bed with me at some point and it really doesn't bother me. Once they feel ready then they just move into their own beds. I think we are getting to that stage now with the 5 year old but I wont push it, I'm happy to wait for him to make the move himself. My little one has always had his own bed so I think that its probably a comfort thing with him. However I do have a friend who is a single parent and her 11 year old son sleeps with her every night despite having his own room. To me that's a BIG NO NO and will certainly not be doing him the slightest bit of good !

pinkclouds

I have a 2.5 year old and I co-sleep with him whenever he wants. The time goes by so fast that you shouldn't worry about it - my 4 year old is now past this stage. Do whatever works for you and your baby. I sometimes feel like you blink and they've grown. My toddler is starting to lose a lot of his baby ways and is getting very grown up for his age.

Alternatively, if you don't want to co-sleep... the usual options are night-lights, gradually withdrawing from the room (sit on the bed, sit by the bed, sit by the door, sit in the hallway, leave them on their own), some sort of comforter or soft toy, a couple of drops of lavender oil, bribes aka reward charts (if your child understands the concept), etc.

pinkclouds

mammyof7 wrote: »

However I do have a friend who is a single parent and her 11 year old son sleeps with her every night despite having his own room. To me that's a BIG NO NO and will certainly not be doing him the slightest bit of good !

For the OP, the above story is a bit unusual. At 11 years old, I'd expect that sort of thing to only happen once or twice year if the child has a horrible nightmare! Really, most kids will gradually move on to the next stage/phase quite naturally, all by themselves.

peachyprice

pinkclouds wrote: »

For the OP, the above story is a bit unusual. At 11 years old, I'd expect that sort of thing to only happen once or twice year if the child has a horrible nightmare! Really, most kids will gradually move on to the next stage/phase quite naturally, all by themselves.

Did you not read my post above, sis still has her 15yo and 11yo wanting to get in her bed. So, perhaps not as unusual as you would think.

yummymummy79

I didn't do it with DS and won't with DD either, IMO you're setting yourself up for a lot of stress and hassle further down the line. Kids use a lot of lines as to why they should/shouldn't do something (scared, need a wee, need a drink etc etc) and a lot of the time it is just a ploy for your attention. I'd be more inclined to take him straight back to his bed and sit with him whilst he goes back to sleep, and if it carries on for a few days/weeks, then shorten the time you are there to wean him off you being there.

The only time DS sleeps in my bed is a handful of times a year if he has a nightmare at around 5am and can't get back to sleep, as it's close to getting up time anyway, he's such a fidget I can never sleep with him. We always have cuddles in the morning in bed which is a nice time for us both.

19lottie82

peachyprice wrote: »

sis still has her 15yo and 11yo wanting to get in her bed. So, perhaps not as unusual as you would think.

Sorry, but I would find that VERY unusual!