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A few months and several questions

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  • RosaBernicia
    RosaBernicia Posts: 4,909 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    Big scary title for a little post! [Warning - this is a huge post. I seem to have been fibbing here.]

    I got my MSc results today... I passed :j


    Which is good, because it gives me more job options and security, and means I didn't waste the 18 months or so that led to and followed the minor meltdown.


    But.


    I don't feel particularly delighted, or pleased with myself, or excited. I know that my work didn't reflect my ability, although given that my ability was stretched over so many other things it does show how much I was coping with and how hard I tried.

    Mostly I just feel sad that I put myself through all that for something that was mainly a grab at a one-off opportunity. I didn't really take or have time to think whether it was what I wanted in the long term. Actually no, that's not true. I gave up finishing a course in something I loved to do something that I thought would end up paying me better. I thought the potential for owning my home etc would outweigh the dissonance of no longer doing things I wanted just because. I know how it feels to turn in work that I've sweated over, because I wanted to learn rather than because I needed to pass to avoid feeling foolish to anyone else - and I didn't do that for a good part of the MSc.

    And I gave up almost three years of my social life with all the possibilities that entails. I'm scared to think how long I've been single, and despite the assumptions people are starting to make this is not a deliberate lifestyle choice or an identification with friends who appear happy to be single and fabulous.

    I'm also pretty much where I started with the debt, due to both reduced paycheque and travel costs etc. That will probably be more than compensated for over the rest of my career but it bugs me to think that if I'd just said 'no thank you, I have other priorities in life' I would probably be debt free, less stressed, and though still skint, involved in a field I do love.


    I am now about to turn into one of those incredibly annoying people who earnestly insist that their meltdown was one of the best things that ever happened to them :rotfl:. Sorry :p. Because I've learnt so much since this time last year.

    It doesn't matter if I fail at things that aren't important to ME.

    You can't control everything and shouldn't be expected to. Life makes strange detours for everybody and it's not your fault if you get caught out. (Today I interviewed three people to backfill bits of my job. All of them have better CVs and min 10 years more experience than I do, and all of them have probably earned 1.5-3 x my salary until the recession.)

    Stuff doesn't matter. Let it go - if you need something similar again, you'll find one at the time. (Hoarder parents, finally defeated.)

    TIME is incredibly important. Having enough time to think, to mull things over, to do nothing, to chat with friends, to look at art, to garden, to play with the cat... is vital. Without it, I can't function properly in the time I do give to achievements.

    If you are not honest with yourself about what you want, you have very little chance of randomly receiving it.

    Some people don't seem to need to live by their personal beliefs to be happy. I am not one of them.


    Not such a little post after all :o.

    I will be celebrating passing, but will do it as my lovely friend pointed out - I am resilient and determined, and have grown. Not just stuff about showing I'm clever and getting to wear a daft hat.

    I think it's also about time for a new thread, since it's been rather more than a few months. And now I have some new questions :)


    However, this one wouldn't be complete without a huge and teary THANK YOU to everybody who's joined in. It really helps, and it's very much appreciated.


    Rosa xx
    Debt free May 2016... DFW#2 in progress
    Campervan paid off summer '21... MFW progress tbc
  • Knitting_Nora
    Knitting_Nora Posts: 1,450 Forumite
    Ninth Anniversary Combo Breaker Debt-free and Proud!
    RosaBernicia wrote: »
    Thanks Nora - I looked in Duo a couple of years ago as I have the opposite problem and need to avoid the 'Welly Effect' lol (guaranteed to completely undermine even the sexiest of boots). Might try them again, in fact I think they have a showroom in the city and I have to go in for a meeting in a couple of weeks.


    Rosa xx

    You mean London? If so, they do - just behind Regents Street, and it's lovely.

    Make sure you have plenty of time, as they really want to help you find the right boot, right fit etc. Assume you know you just order them there, and they send them to your home? Mine were ordered on the Sat, and arrived on the Tuesday - impressive. Plus, no need to lug them around London!
  • Knitting_Nora
    Knitting_Nora Posts: 1,450 Forumite
    Ninth Anniversary Combo Breaker Debt-free and Proud!
    Oooo, just caught up with your thread.... you're moving?!! Remember to leave a forwarding address!

    And congratulations on the Msc! Stuff the 'am I pleased, and could I have done better?' thoughts - you are seriously fab, m'lady!!

    Nora.x
  • RosaBernicia
    RosaBernicia Posts: 4,909 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    Knitting_Nora wrote: »
    Oooo, just caught up with your thread.... you're moving?!! Remember to leave a forwarding address!

    And congratulations on the Msc! Stuff the 'am I pleased, and could I have done better?' thoughts - you are seriously fab, m'lady!!

    Nora.x


    Thank you :kisses3:

    I won't be going very far :D just think it's a good point for a refresh iyswim. Will sort it out probably over the weekend and put the link in here.

    And yes I am fabulous, thank you for the reminder, as well as a tad over-introspective :o:D Although I have a couple of emails to send that might help put the MSc and other things together, and could result in something more than the sum of its parts... :D and in fact, I could get at least one of those fired off tonight... :D


    Rosa xx
    Debt free May 2016... DFW#2 in progress
    Campervan paid off summer '21... MFW progress tbc
  • ZTD
    ZTD Posts: 24,327 Forumite
    RosaBernicia wrote: »
    Big scary title for a little post! [Warning - this is a huge post. I seem to have been fibbing here.]

    Have you hit the MSE size limit? Nope...

    So this is *not* a huge post.
    RosaBernicia wrote: »
    I got my MSc results today... I passed :j
    :T:T:T CONGRATULATIONS!!!!! :T:T:T
    RosaBernicia wrote: »
    Which is good, because it gives me more job options and security, and means I didn't waste the 18 months or so that led to and followed the minor meltdown.

    It's also good for other reasons.
    RosaBernicia wrote: »
    But.


    I don't feel particularly delighted, or pleased with myself, or excited. I know that my work didn't reflect my ability, although given that my ability was stretched over so many other things it does show how much I was coping with and how hard I tried.

    Woah there! You can't compare what you produce under real life conditions, with what you *think* you'd produce under ideal conditions. External conditions have a *profound* effect on internal ones.

    You did well: You passed. Don't sit there thinking "I could have done so much better only if..." You could have done so much worse too.
    RosaBernicia wrote: »
    Mostly I just feel sad that I put myself through all that for something that was mainly a grab at a one-off opportunity. I didn't really take or have time to think whether it was what I wanted in the long term.

    "Hello gift horse. Open wide."

    Carpe diem!

    And you did! Life does not offer opportunities coming out of every rock. You seized this one.
    RosaBernicia wrote: »
    Actually no, that's not true. I gave up finishing a course in something I loved to do something that I thought would end up paying me better. I thought the potential for owning my home etc would outweigh the dissonance of no longer doing things I wanted just because.

    No longer?

    You *can* do things you want to - just because. If this MSc pays off, then you can do *more* things - just because. Money is opportunity. That's just the way it is.
    RosaBernicia wrote: »
    I know how it feels to turn in work that I've sweated over, because I wanted to learn rather than because I needed to pass to avoid feeling foolish to anyone else - and I didn't do that for a good part of the MSc.

    And you can do that again. Some things in life you do for pleasure, some things you do for necessity. I hope you don't expect a similar sense of fulfilment when you clean the lav... ;)
    RosaBernicia wrote: »
    And I gave up almost three years of my social life with all the possibilities that entails.

    Endless possibilities. You gained a MSc with endless possibilities. So go on - tell me which endless is bigger.
    RosaBernicia wrote: »
    I'm scared to think how long I've been single, and despite the assumptions people are starting to make this is not a deliberate lifestyle choice

    It doesn't matter how long you're single, it doesn't even matter how long you're not - it's what you *do* when you're not.

    To put it another way, it's not how much fruit you eat, or how often, but its succulence.
    RosaBernicia wrote: »
    or an identification with friends who appear happy to be single and fabulous.

    "Appear"? Seems you're not convinced. Though you could give them my number, and that would convince them... ;)
    RosaBernicia wrote: »
    I'm also pretty much where I started with the debt, due to both reduced paycheque and travel costs etc. That will probably be more than compensated for over the rest of my career but it bugs me to think that if I'd just said 'no thank you, I have other priorities in life' I would probably be debt free, less stressed, and though still skint, involved in a field I do love.

    You have not given that up. You have just substituted one set of opportunities for another. There is no one route to anywhere in life.
    RosaBernicia wrote: »
    I am now about to turn into one of those incredibly annoying people who earnestly insist that their meltdown was one of the best things that ever happened to them :rotfl:. Sorry :p. Because I've learnt so much since this time last year.

    If the meltdown made you re-evaluate your priorities and your assumptions, then yes - it is good. Continuing on the same way, no matter which way that is, is a rut. A short rut is a grave.
    RosaBernicia wrote: »
    It doesn't matter if I fail at things that aren't important to ME.

    You only fail at something if you stop trying. So your sentence above should read "It doesn't matter if I stop doing things that aren't important to ME." - yes, indeed.
    RosaBernicia wrote: »
    You can't control everything and shouldn't be expected to. Life makes strange detours for everybody and it's not your fault if you get caught out.

    You can only do things for the right reason, and play the cards as they come. If they're crap - c'est la vie.
    RosaBernicia wrote: »
    (Today I interviewed three people to backfill bits of my job. All of them have better CVs and min 10 years more experience than I do, and all of them have probably earned 1.5-3 x my salary until the recession.)

    Ouch. That must hurt.
    RosaBernicia wrote: »
    If you are not honest with yourself about what you want, you have very little chance of randomly receiving it.

    Very true.
    RosaBernicia wrote: »
    Some people don't seem to need to live by their personal beliefs to be happy. I am not one of them.

    Do what makes you happy. Life is a one-shot event.
    RosaBernicia wrote: »
    Not such a little post after all :o.

    Lots of concepts to put down. Things are as big as they are. No bigger, no smaller.
    RosaBernicia wrote: »
    I will be celebrating passing, but will do it as my lovely friend pointed out - I am resilient and determined, and have grown. Not just stuff about showing I'm clever and getting to wear a daft hat.

    You can wear a daft hat any time...I do... ;)
    RosaBernicia wrote: »
    I think it's also about time for a new thread, since it's been rather more than a few months. And now I have some new questions :)


    However, this one wouldn't be complete without a huge and teary THANK YOU to everybody who's joined in. It really helps, and it's very much appreciated.

    :kisses3:
    "Follow the money!" - Deepthroat (AKA William Mark Felt Sr - Associate Director of the FBI)
    "We were born and raised in a summer haze." Adele 'Someone like you.'
    "Blowing your mind, 'cause you know what you'll find, when you're looking for things in the sky."     OMD 'Julia's Song'
  • RosaBernicia
    RosaBernicia Posts: 4,909 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    ZTD wrote: »
    "Hello gift horse. Open wide."

    :rotfl: yes, ok, allow time for later evaluation...


    ZTD wrote: »
    Carpe diem!

    And you did! Life does not offer opportunities coming out of every rock. You seized this one.

    No longer?

    You *can* do things you want to - just because. If this MSc pays off, then you can do *more* things - just because. Money is opportunity. That's just the way it is.

    That's kind of the logic I had at the time. What I didn't think about is the opportunity cost - ie all the other kinds of opportunities that were also in the wings.

    ZTD wrote: »
    Endless possibilities. You gained a MSc with endless possibilities. So go on - tell me which endless is bigger.

    It's not a question of size, Z, stop being such a boy :p

    We're talking qualitative differences here. The possibilities after an MSc are different from those if I'd spent that time and money doing something else.

    ZTD wrote: »
    "Appear"? Seems you're not convinced. Though you could give them my number, and that would convince them... ;)

    That's probably one for a musing later. Though you might get on quite well with one of them... :think:

    ZTD wrote: »
    Ouch. That must hurt.

    not sure if you meant them, in which case yes... or me, in which case no, just made me glad to have safe job and decide that if that happens to me then the career can be stuffed and I shall do something entirely different instead :)

    ZTD wrote: »
    :kisses3:

    :kisses3:


    Rosa xx
    Debt free May 2016... DFW#2 in progress
    Campervan paid off summer '21... MFW progress tbc
  • ZTD
    ZTD Posts: 24,327 Forumite
    RosaBernicia wrote: »
    That's kind of the logic I had at the time. What I didn't think about is the opportunity cost - ie all the other kinds of opportunities that were also in the wings.

    Opportunity cost only counts if the opportunity goes away, not to return.
    RosaBernicia wrote: »
    It's not a question of size, Z, stop being such a boy :p

    We're talking qualitative differences here. The possibilities after an MSc are different from those if I'd spent that time and money doing something else.

    They are. But there are only possibilities. The trick is turning those possibilities into outcomes. The different national lottery machines have different possibilities, but the same outcome - a wasted quid... ;)

    The essence is: You roll your dice, and you give your best move as you know at the time. The future is unknowable, and the future which could have happened if the past was different is doubly so.

    You gave your best move, and it is still all to play for. In fact, IMHO, there is more to play for now, as more doors are open to you.
    RosaBernicia wrote: »
    That's probably one for a musing later. Though you might get on quite well with one of them... :think:

    1344074638792.jpg

    Dare I ask why you think that?
    RosaBernicia wrote: »
    not sure if you meant them, in which case yes... or me, in which case no, just made me glad to have safe job and decide that if that happens to me then the career can be stuffed and I shall do something entirely different instead :)

    I meant them. Many people's life and self-esteem is in their job, and it's a hell of a kick in the stotts for the unemployment, then the catch onto the career snake after falling for a while.
    RosaBernicia wrote: »
    :kisses3:

    :kisses3: ;)
    "Follow the money!" - Deepthroat (AKA William Mark Felt Sr - Associate Director of the FBI)
    "We were born and raised in a summer haze." Adele 'Someone like you.'
    "Blowing your mind, 'cause you know what you'll find, when you're looking for things in the sky."     OMD 'Julia's Song'
  • kerri_gt
    kerri_gt Posts: 11,202 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper Xmas Saver!
    Congratualtions on your Msc Rosa :beer: It's an amzing achievement.

    You might be feeling a little 'underwhealmed' about it but life rarely seems to follow the path we think - I am deff not doing the job I dreamed of at 16yrs old, I wouldn't have even known what my current job was at that age, but I do enjoy it. Sometimes I ponder whether my degree (just a plain old dull on, no Msc) was worth it and whether it's helped my progress, but I did pull my socks up when I did it and got good marks, to make up for my not so good a-levels. I can imagine you poss feel a little flat as well as that's kind of it now for the Msc, all the stress of study done, the elation of handing your last piece of work over, having your time back to yourself, but still thinking about the Msc results, and now you have them.

    Does any of that make sense or am I waffling?
    Feb 2015 NSD Challenge 8/12
    JAN NSD 11/16


  • ZTD
    ZTD Posts: 24,327 Forumite
    And there Rosa goes...comes on, teases a bit...then leaves... :p
    "Follow the money!" - Deepthroat (AKA William Mark Felt Sr - Associate Director of the FBI)
    "We were born and raised in a summer haze." Adele 'Someone like you.'
    "Blowing your mind, 'cause you know what you'll find, when you're looking for things in the sky."     OMD 'Julia's Song'
  • RosaBernicia
    RosaBernicia Posts: 4,909 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    Distracted yesterday :p... think the new thread start will have to wait til next weekend.


    MSE :)
    • Errrr... remembered to take lunch to work?
    • Decided against Monsoon nightdress - must remember to post it back, apparently if you use PayPal they can't refund in-store :mad:
    • Away with a work thing for the rest of the week so fed for free
    • Payday on Friday :j

    MSE :/
    • Went to Richer Sounds for speakers to use with phone and replace hi-fi which died on the weekend. Found ideal ones and got £7 off because they'd been opened to demonstrate... so only £30 :D
    • Ordered cable to extend distance between speakers instead of buying different size furniture :rotfl:. V proud of myself for attempting techie stuff and as cable less than £3 won't be a major issue even if I did order the wrong one.
    • £12 on M&S posh biscuits for the office today in celebration of passing MSc. Possibly should have got something a bit cheaper but it's not likely to happen again :rotfl: and will come out of gifts account.

    MSE :(
    • Need to buy either replacement mini-greenhouse or cat kennel - the current mini-greenhouse is leaning sideways and about to collapse! - have taken out cat's outdoor bed as worried about him getting hurt if it does fall.
      Sp3cSav5rs have sent me contact lenses despite me cancelling my scheme and them messing up the direct debit once already... they better not be expecting me to pay for the things.

    Still working on the minimalising but making great progress. Kitchen, bathroom and understairs done, bedroom only needs paperwork filing and summer clothes back into storage. Then the Great Scannertation can happen at the end of Nov and make some shelf space in the rest of the flat.

    Must do some more reading and thinking :) coming round to feeling happier about the MSc result though. It's just taken a while to sink in :D


    Rosa xx
    Debt free May 2016... DFW#2 in progress
    Campervan paid off summer '21... MFW progress tbc
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