A few months and several questions

ZTD

RosaBernicia wrote: »

Ah, now today's muuucch better. Escaped work on time, following less HR nonsense and having got onto two interesting working groups - this is good 'cos if I get to help fix stuff I will have less ranting to do.

And if they're crap, your ranting will have new topics. Win-win!

RosaBernicia wrote: »

Tomorrow night oughta be paperwork, I need to catch up ready for a new 2012 file

Isn't that going to be a rather short one? World going to end or something like that...

RosaBernicia wrote: »

Am thanking my stars for my former FlyLady obsession as the house is pretty organised and should be OK to transfer if I can find another one about the same size :rotfl:

:T

RosaBernicia wrote: »

Nearly Friday everybody! :j

:beer::beer::beer::beer::beer:

RosaBernicia

ZTD wrote: »

Isn't that going to be a rather short one? World going to end or something like that...

:eek: well I hope not - shall be very annoyed if I've had my meltdown with no time to enjoy the sorted bit

Are the Mayans any more reliable than the last lot?

RosaBernicia

I was expecting to want to chill tonight, instead have sudden rush of energy and am racketing about tidying stuff.

Interesting coaching session today, not entirely comfortable but useful. Have basically been told to ask for what I want and not dance about the question. This doesn't fit well with either my natural personality type or my upbringing... which I guess would explain why I haven't been doing it. Hey ho, that's the point of working with someone else, they point out the stuff you can't see 'cos it's written on your forehead :rotfl:

Moneywise another NSD, need to untangle account and spreadsheet though as seem to have more money than I thought. Could be that I had some space in the overdraft at the end of last month but more likely something hasn't come out of the account yet.

Expense receipts finally rounded up and herded into folder to go in on Monday, batterysaga invoices all arrived and rounded up to copy tomorrow, various mini-chores ticked off. TV seems to have run out of funny stuff, and I think I used every form of potion and buffing yesterday so have found myself watching SATC (yes, I am strange, I would usually rather watch Mock the Week) while hunting more stuff to do... If I'm not careful I'll end up exercising.

'Tis odd really, I haven't even had coffee :rotfl:

Rosa xx

ZTD

RosaBernicia wrote: »

:eek: well I hope not - shall be very annoyed if I've had my meltdown with no time to enjoy the sorted bit

Are the Mayans any more reliable than the last lot?

Labour? Probably...

RosaBernicia wrote: »

I was expecting to want to chill tonight, instead have sudden rush of energy and am racketing about tidying stuff.

Is that because you want to go ASAP?

RosaBernicia wrote: »

Interesting coaching session today, not entirely comfortable but useful. Have basically been told to ask for what I want and not dance about the question.

Yes, but it is easier said than done.

RosaBernicia wrote: »

This doesn't fit well with either my natural personality type or my upbringing...

And sometimes doesn't fit well with other people who enjoy the fluff and vagueness.

RosaBernicia wrote: »

which I guess would explain why I haven't been doing it. Hey ho, that's the point of working with someone else, they point out the stuff you can't see 'cos it's written on your forehead :rotfl:

Indeed it is!

RosaBernicia wrote: »

Moneywise another NSD, need to untangle account and spreadsheet though as seem to have more money than I thought. Could be that I had some space in the overdraft at the end of last month but more likely something hasn't come out of the account yet.

You'll sharp find out whether it's joy or sorrow.

RosaBernicia wrote: »

TV seems to have run out of funny stuff,

Since about 1996 I think...

RosaBernicia wrote: »

and I think I used every form of potion and buffing yesterday so have found myself watching SATC

:eek: :shocked:

RosaBernicia wrote: »

(yes, I am strange, I would usually rather watch Mock the Week) while hunting more stuff to do... If I'm not careful I'll end up exercising.

Exercise is good for you - apparently. Just don't look at the jogger fatality statistics.. :eek:

RosaBernicia

ZTD wrote: »

Labour? Probably...

More or less human sacrifices?

ZTD wrote: »

Is that because you want to go ASAP?

It might be. After worrying for months about having to move, suddenly I actually quite like the idea. This is not unrelated to the central heating situation or having more money now I'm back on full time hours... but it feels a heck of lot nicer and much more like a positive thing. Lot of other stuff in my life is changing and maybe it's time for the house to be in there too.

ZTD wrote: »

And sometimes doesn't fit well with other people who enjoy the fluff and vagueness.

Um, apparently I'm the one who's fluffy and vague. Coach pointed out even my attempts at stating 'you should do this because I deserve it' were being presented in terms of 'you should do this because it will make your life easier'. :doh: I can make a case for somebody else with no bashfulness about it, just not for me. Looks like I need to undertake some cultural adjustments around the concept of Getting Above Yerself.

ZTD wrote: »

Exercise is good for you - apparently. Just don't look at the jogger fatality statistics.. :eek:

Don't need to go jogging... must text dance tutor though :j


Rosa xx

ZTD

RosaBernicia wrote: »

More or less human sacrifices?

Just more or less human I think...

RosaBernicia wrote: »

Lot of other stuff in my life is changing and maybe it's time for the house to be in there too.

Indeedy. A new broom sweeps clean as they say.

RosaBernicia wrote: »

Um, apparently I'm the one who's fluffy and vague. Coach pointed out even my attempts at stating 'you should do this because I deserve it' were being presented in terms of 'you should do this because it will make your life easier'. :doh:

Well first of all I think that your way has some merit to it. Someone who goes round saying "You should do this for me because I 'm worth it." would in many cases not get the long shrift...

But I'm talking about something slightly different. I'm talking about people who don't walk up and say "Can you do X, Y and Z for me please?", but instead say something like "Can you maybe cause to happen the task which is crossed like swords on a battlefield, its companion splitting like a fork in the road of destiny and a friend which twists right and left like a snake writhing in a storm of misfortune."

To which the answer is usually: "Whut!?"

RosaBernicia wrote: »

I can make a case for somebody else with no bashfulness about it, just not for me. Looks like I need to undertake some cultural adjustments around the concept of Getting Above Yerself.

If you meet the criteria, then you are not getting above yourself - are you?

RosaBernicia wrote: »

Don't need to go jogging... must text dance tutor though :j

Indeed you must!

RosaBernicia

ZTD wrote: »

Well first of all I think that your way has some merit to it. Someone who goes round saying "You should do this for me because I 'm worth it." would in many cases not get the long shrift...

It does work most of the time, and does tend to work better than the complete opposite. But coach also has a point that sometimes the honest and direct approach may be possible, instead of using heavier and heavier hints which everyone knows mean the same thing anyway.

ZTD wrote: »

If you meet the criteria, then you are not getting above yourself - are you?

That depends whose logic you use. In the admittedly twisted logic of my parents, merely considering believing that I am not above myself demonstrates that I am insufficiently humble and am, therefore, above myself. This applies despite all objective criteria (though probably goes some way to explaining my ridiculous collection of qualifications, which now cover 4 different professional fields) or recognition of my place on the bell curve for any particular task.

Stunning recent example:
"I'm glad I was asked to do X at work, as I think the situation will be safer with me than some of the other people who have less experience."
"That's rather arrogant of you. Have some hubris, else the world will crash around your ears, doom, doom, gloom..."

Bizarrely, this does not apply in reverse - I am still expected to be deeply shamed if I fail at anything or have to make significant effort. (Effort cannot be visible, since that suggests the possibility of failure - everything is supposed to happen magically, without practice. If I might be carp at something, I'm not supposed to do it, no matter how much I might enjoy it or might improve. Guess who left home convinced she couldn't dance, or cook, or drive.)

Within this mad logic I'm just not supposed to ever, ever acknowledge my abilities. And as for celebrating achievement... well, that would imply I was special...

Ooops sorry that was a bit of a rant but it's been brewing for a while. I have eventually learnt to just put down the phone to my parents and phone a mate straightaway to cancel out the nonsense. But having grown up around that attitude I find it pops up when I least expect it.

It's also not coincidence that I didn't see my parents for the final year of my masters. I just couldn't be dealing with the extra hassle.

ZTD wrote: »

Indeed you must!

will do


Rosa xx

RosaBernicia

Ok, thoughts to put down before I go to bed and forget, or convince myself to change my mind.

I have to move. Soon.

My ideal solution would be to get myself a one bed flat with a garden. These are expensive.

I spoke to a couple of potential flatmates tonight... and I am not actually sure I want to share a house at all. One of them is lovely, the other I don't really know. I am tired of having to share my home with strangers - I have done all my adult life up until the past 2 years or so. I've got used to being able to do as I like when I get home, and it is a major major help when things get complicated at work or in other areas of my life. I am also tired of worrying about splitting bills and liability and the moral questions of what happens if someone wants to move before the contract is up. That's quite apart from having to schedule a bubble bath around other people and the other minor everyday annoyances. I know there are also compensations, but I think the inconveniences might outweigh them.

I am not sure I can see myself staying in this town in the longer term. I kind of thought I could, but when I've reviewed what I really want out of the rest of my life, I'm not sure it's here. I'd like to have the flexibility to move if I wanted, or even just talk about it, without upsetting anyone else. I have my own furniture and I don't want to have to ditch it all, or invent complex arrangements for who will buy what.

I do just about have enough money to rent a one bed flat. It means no holiday early this year, and less cash for throwing at debts, but it is doable. I could still take £580 a month off the debts which is well over the minimums and still leaves my debt very much reduced at the end of 2012.

I think I should keep looking for one-beds. If I happen to find a two bed that is cheap enough to consider for sharing with lovely potential flatmate, that's fine. But I must not be distracted from meeting my own needs by trying to be helpful to friends of friends. I shouldn't be distracted from meeting my own needs, full stop.

Everybody do feel free to quote this back at me in a couple of weeks' time, that's why I'm writing it...

thanks

Rosa xx

Knitting_Nora

Hey Rosa

If you can afford to rent a one bed place and still beat the whatsit out of your debts, then I say go for it *offers chocolate to help with the nerves*. You know the drill - make sure you've planned it properly, and you should be fine.

I've done both, and found that living on my own had quite a significant impact on my ability to spend less and save more - gave me more control, and of course there are things like the single person's council tax deduction which help hugely if you're in quite an expensive area. I also found it much more relaxing when work was pants, and when the world at large was annoying me....

It can be a little lonely at first, but trust me - being able to have a bubble bath, put a load of washing on and use the phone whenever you want doesn't have make up for it very quickly!

Let us know how it goes.

Nora.x

ZTD

RosaBernicia wrote: »

It does work most of the time, and does tend to work better than the complete opposite. But coach also has a point that sometimes the honest and direct approach may be possible, instead of using heavier and heavier hints which everyone knows mean the same thing anyway.

In a recent thing I went to, someone beat around the bush for 10 minutes before delivering what he considered to be a absolutely damning verdict. Everyone else was: "Was that it? We've already said that."

RosaBernicia wrote: »

That depends whose logic you use. In the admittedly twisted logic of my parents, merely considering believing that I am not above myself demonstrates that I am insufficiently humble and am, therefore, above myself. This applies despite all objective criteria (though probably goes some way to explaining my ridiculous collection of qualifications, which now cover 4 different professional fields) or recognition of my place on the bell curve for any particular task.

Stunning recent example:
"I'm glad I was asked to do X at work, as I think the situation will be safer with me than some of the other people who have less experience."
"That's rather arrogant of you. Have some hubris, else the world will crash around your ears, doom, doom, gloom..."

Bizarrely, this does not apply in reverse - I am still expected to be deeply shamed if I fail at anything or have to make significant effort. (Effort cannot be visible, since that suggests the possibility of failure - everything is supposed to happen magically, without practice. If I might be carp at something, I'm not supposed to do it, no matter how much I might enjoy it or might improve. Guess who left home convinced she couldn't dance, or cook, or drive.)

Within this mad logic I'm just not supposed to ever, ever acknowledge my abilities. And as for celebrating achievement... well, that would imply I was special...

Smells like your parents are living their life through you. You are the perfection that they blatantly are not. Your successes create in them a warm, fuzzy, glow. But of course they are not your successes, they are your parent's successes.

Your failures create a deep sense of "she has touched me with Fail".

Your abilities also can not be recognised, as any superiority is also a superiority over them. Which is not warm, fuzzy, glow-able.

Any practice or effort you need to make would imply there is a lack of perfection. Which means those living their lives through you are not perfect. Which is not warm, fuzzy, nor glowing...

RosaBernicia wrote: »

Ooops sorry that was a bit of a rant but it's been brewing for a while.

Err...that's not a rant. That's an explanation of circumstances.

:grouphug:

RosaBernicia wrote: »

It's also not coincidence that I didn't see my parents for the final year of my masters. I just couldn't be dealing with the extra hassle.

Sounds like a sensible thing to do TBH.

RosaBernicia wrote: »

I think I should keep looking for one-beds. If I happen to find a two bed that is cheap enough to consider for sharing with lovely potential flatmate, that's fine. But I must not be distracted from meeting my own needs by trying to be helpful to friends of friends. I shouldn't be distracted from meeting my own needs, full stop.

I take it that it's expensive where you are? I have a 3 bedroom house. I'm in the main bedroom, and My Junk(Part I) is in the second bedroom, and My Junk(Part II) is in the third...

RosaBernicia wrote: »

Everybody do feel free to quote this back at me in a couple of weeks' time, that's why I'm writing it...

We will - don't worry...

RosaBernicia wrote: »

thanks

You're welcome...