Are Maintenance Payments Based on Household Income or Individual Income?

Person_one

DUTR wrote: »

Yes you do that
Telling an OP what they want to hear rather than what is realistic and practical is not being helpful really is it, obviously the status quo is that the ex and her partner do not agree with your concept and already demonstrate that, whatever you post on this thread is not going to change that is it?
His new wife earns £100k for herself and whatever she wishes to choose, and they may not include looking after her partners children.

Sometimes, its nice for the OP to see that there are people who sympathise and see where she's coming from in the midst of a thread full of people telling her she's wrong. I can't do anything about the situation either way, can I? None of us can.

As to the bolded, for herself? I must be really old fashioned because I thought once you threw your hand in with someone and married them you were a team, a unit, and everything was shared and for the common good.

DUTR

princessdreamer wrote: »

I've found a trend in avoiding CSA by men who leave there family to move in with another woman who has children, the man then sits at home watching her children while the woman works and the first family gets nothing. Nice way to cheat the system.

Not sure that is correct Princess, I have dated women with children, still pay my dues and do not use my new situation to reduce the past one, I certainley would not expect a new partner to fund my CS obligations

DUTR

Person_one wrote: »

Sometimes, its nice for the OP to see that there are people who sympathise and see where she's coming from in the midst of a thread full of people telling her she's wrong. I can't do anything about the situation either way, can I? None of us can.

As to the bolded, for herself? I must be really old fashioned because I thought once you threw your hand in with someone and married them you were a team, a unit, and everything was shared and for the common good.

I agree with that sentiment, except that you don't throw it away, hence in an ideal world, there would be no seperated parents in the 1st place.
Oddly I think everybody sympathises with the OP .
On a personal level if I posed a question situation, I would find the practical replies more useful than words to perhaps make me feel better (but maybe that's just me )

princessdreamer

DUTR wrote: »

Not sure that is correct Princess, I have dated women with children, still pay my dues and do not use my new situation to reduce the past one, I certainley would not expect a new partner to fund my CS obligations

No but a growing number of men do do this. What is funny though is these women still demand their money from their ex.

princessdreamer

another point, we have a board on here where absent parents (and usually their partners) are trying to figure out how to pay as little as possible, while slating the RP for daring to ask for support.

fannyanna

I can understand why the OP is upset.

She has every right to be upset as this man is now saying that he can no longer contribute. Well unfortunately he is a Father and needs to contribute. OP - I would suggest going to the CSA if he is unwilling to pay anything. You might not get a lot (if he's being truthful about not earning a lot) but in my opinion it's the principle that counts.

OP this next part isn't aimed at you....

As for a step parent paying for a step child - indirectly or course this happens but having the expectation that a step parent should directly provide financial support for a child that is not theirs is a bit unrealistic.

I'm a step parent. The fact that my Husband already has children means that I need to pay the majority of our bills (as not all his money is available to us as a couple) and it also means that despite us wanting to have a child we've had to put that on hold for a number of years purely for financial reasons. So, indirectly I do financially provide for my step children (and deal with the consequences of that). That is fine. As others have mentioned I married a man with children so I've got to be reasonable and except that he has responsibilities to his children(including financial responsibiilities).

What is not fine though is the notion that over and above the indirect support that I provide I should also make direct sacrifices for children that are not mine. Quite simply it's not going to happen.

pinkclouds

Person_one wrote: »

I'm a firm believer that if you marry someone who already has children you have to accept those children becoming a part of your family with all that entails. There's no way I could live with myself if I was earning 100K plus, jetting off on multiple holidays while my husband's child wasn't receiving a penny.

I agree to a certain extent. If I had money to spare (and it would only be "spare" as I would always put my own kids first) then I would feel morally obliged to be... "kind", I suppose, towards any half- or step-siblings of my own kids. Children don't see things the way adults do and I know my kids would notice if - totally hypothetical - siblings were suffering a substantially lower standard of living. I'm not going to say I'd be totally happy about it or that it would necessarily be a significant amount of help because in all honestly, I doubt that I would go very far... but I *hope* I wouldn't end up so... cold (for want of a better term) that I'd be unable to extend a *little* charity if I was financially blessed.

DUTR wrote: »

His new wife earns £100k for herself and whatever she wishes to choose, and they may not include looking after her partners children.

However, the above is the bare facts. The step-mother's income cannot be counted towards child maintenance and she has no legal obligation to pay her step-child's private school fees. I know that I wouldn't be willing to sacrifice my own kids' privileges for the sake of someone else's kids. The step-mother is doubtlessly aware that basic state education is free of charge.

My sympathies are extreme. I would seriously recommend discussing the situation with the school's bursar and/or headmaster immediately. There may be room for negotiation and if you don't ask (and stress the urgency of this crisis) then you will not get any help. The school may be able to defer payment for a short period of time, they may have crisis funds available or they may be able to assist you with sourcing alternative bursaries or charitable trusts. Where there is a will, there is often a way. If you are likely to improve your situation within a relatively short period of time (changing jobs, downsizing your house, etc) then the school may be particularly amenable. Best wishes and good luck. x

DUTR

princessdreamer wrote: »

another point, we have a board on here where absent parents (and usually their partners) are trying to figure out how to pay as little as possible, while slating the RP for daring to ask for support.

See how the same board can look different ?
I would have described that board as one for females on how to extort the male

DUTR

pinkclouds wrote: »

I agree to a certain extent. If I had money to spare (and it would only be "spare" as I would always put my own kids first) then I would feel morally obliged to be... "kind", I suppose, towards any half- or step-siblings of my own kids. Children don't see things the way adults do and I know my kids would notice if - totally hypothetical - siblings were suffering a substantially lower standard of living. I'm not going to say I'd be totally happy about it or that it would necessarily be a significant amount of help because in all honestly, I doubt that I would go very far... but I *hope* I wouldn't end up so... cold (for want of a better term) that I'd be unable to extend a *little* charity if I was financially blessed.



However, the above is the bare facts. The step-mother's income cannot be counted towards child maintenance and she has no legal obligation to pay her step-child's private school fees. I know that I wouldn't be willing to sacrifice my own kids' privileges for the sake of someone else's kids. The step-mother is doubtlessly aware that basic state education is free of charge.

My sympathies are extreme. I would seriously recommend discussing the situation with the school's bursar and/or headmaster immediately. There may be room for negotiation and if you don't ask (and stress the urgency of this crisis) then you will not get any help. The school may be able to defer payment for a short period of time, they may have crisis funds available or they may be able to assist you with sourcing alternative bursaries or charitable trusts. Where there is a will, there is often a way. If you are likely to improve your situation within a relatively short period of time (changing jobs, downsizing your house, etc) then the school may be particularly amenable. Best wishes and good luck. x

And this is the thing, like you would not expect when the child is around at the father and step mum, that they would feed their own children Tesco's Finest whilst feeding the fathers child from a smart value pack. The private schooling issue, is not really a must, it's nice but not a must.

FatVonD

fannyanna wrote: »

As for a step parent paying for a step child - indirectly or course this happens but having the expectation that a step parent should directly provide financial support for a child that is not theirs is a bit unrealistic.

I'm a step parent. The fact that my Husband already has children means that I need to pay the majority of our bills (as not all his money is available to us as a couple) and it also means that despite us wanting to have a child we've had to put that on hold for a number of years purely for financial reasons. So, indirectly I do financially provide for my step children (and deal with the consequences of that). That is fine. As others have mentioned I married a man with children so I've got to be reasonable and except that he has responsibilities to his children(including financial responsibiilities).

What is not fine though is the notion that over and above the indirect support that I provide I should also make direct sacrifices for children that are not mine. Quite simply it's not going to happen.

I am in the exact same situation as you and have been pondering posting a thread from the opposite side. My DH works (self employed) in a job that has been hit badly by the recession. I was made redundant this time last year and, since my redundancy money ran out (covering all our outgoings while we tried to set up a new business) I have been lucky enough to find freelance work (albeit earning only 75% of what I earned before) up until the end of February.

I pay for everything (barring the odd bag of food shopping) and so am indirectly contributing to maintenance as the little that DH earns goes to his ex however, this week, he doesn't even have that. I feel like I should be stumping up the maintenance payment as well but in fact to do so would mean me eating into my overdraft and getting into more debt. I don't know if I will find work after February, I am juggling a credit card debt from one 0% to another and will have a tax bill to pay in April. If I *loan* him the money I won't get it back but is it right that I should get into debt to pay maintenance for naother family when I'm already supporting my own family single handedly?