Are Maintenance Payments Based on Household Income or Individual Income?

*Louise*

If you were to say to your ex that you were thinking about taking DD out of the school, would that 'encourage' him to find the school fees?

I can understand your frustration and can see that you are more annoyed that he appears to be using the money he does earn to pay his way for his lifestyle with his wife instead of his daughters education.

newcook

onlyroz wrote: »

I think it's one thing changing the school of a 6-year-old, and changing the school of an older child. At 6 she'll make new friends easily, and I can't see her education being disrupted that much.

If we were talking about a 15-year-old just about to take their GCSEs then I'd sell my granny to make sure my child had a stable education, but that's not the case here.

If you can't afford a private education but have *some* extra money, then why not back up a state education with a private tutor a few hours a week?

I think this would be a great idea!

make_me_wise

Thirtysix wrote: »

Emsy,I have looked into that and it's a definite no-go for at least a year sadly.

As for the lifestyle,we DID have that lifestyle before.We both earned decent money and managed to work around our daughter.I am not jealous but I am bitter that our daughter has to lead a very different life,change schools etc when if his new wife "supported him" as I did,through the tough times over 15yrs she wouldn't have to....

His new wife more than likely does support him. There is a big difference between her doing that and covering his expenses for an ex wife and child. You are not her repsonsibility. I doubt he or any other bloke would ask that of their new wife.

flutterby_lil

Are you saying you think he earns more than he declares being self employed?

I think you need to consider the most important thing here,

1) continue paying for private education and being skint?

2) downsizing your house /move to a different area to generate (save) more money to enable you to afford the school fees

3) put your daughter into a state school so you and your daughter may be able to have holidays that you envy your ex having

Not sure what else you can do - you say you don't want your ex's new wife to pay for your daughters schooling but effectively that is what the post is asking, can you get more money (from them/her) now you ex is saying he can't afford afford the school fees.

Thirtysix

clearingout wrote: »

changing schools is not good for children. If it has to be done, it has to be done but if there is a temporary dip in finances and something can be done to cover it, particularly given the upset over a separation/divorce, that would be preferable to a change in school. My eldest (now 7) started in private school, had to come out due to divorce and went to the local school and then we had to move so he changed school again. That was 3 schools in 3 school years - he has, to his credit, coped admirably but I don't recommend it. Our younger child has been at one school only and he's doing much better, he's far more settled in himself.

The local primary is full,with a waiting list.What you describe is exactly what I want to avoid and whether people see it as relevant or not,as an only child,I think it will be harder for her.....

Thirtysix

flutterby_lil wrote: »

Are you saying you think he earns more than he declares being self employed?

I think you need to consider the most important thing here,

1) continue paying for private education and being skint?

2) downsizing your house /move to a different area to generate (save) more money to enable you to afford the school fees

3) put your daughter into a state school so you and your daughter may be able to have holidays that you envy your ex having

Not sure what else you can do - you say you don't want your ex's new wife to pay for your daughters schooling but effectively that is what the post is asking, can you get more money (from them/her) now you ex is saying he can't afford afford the school fees.

Yes I do think there is some "smoke and mirrors" re earnings.

I would rather be skint and let alone have holidays(have had none for 3yrs so no problem there) and maintain my daughter's stability.It is not about the education,it is about her having stability,familiarity and a "family" that she doesn't have outside of school.

Local school is full with waiting lists.

Have looked at selling the house but having had it valued,looked at alternatives etc etc,it doesn't make sense really.

So...rock and hard place but will find a way somehow...I won't let her suffer more than she has had to already.....

Thirtysix

make_me_wise wrote: »

His new wife more than likely does support him. There is a big difference between her doing that and covering his expenses for an ex wife and child. You are not her repsonsibility. I doubt he or any other bloke would ask that of their new wife.

My use of the word "support" was,as I explained previously,actually little to do with money.I supported my Ex's "obligations" without hesitation in the 15yrs we were together-part of the package of loving someone was my view.

I am not ANYONE'S responsibility other than my own and I have not taken or asked for a single penny for me since the split.I have also not asked for any maintenance towards fedding/clothing/heating etc our child.The only expense,which he agreed to,was splitting the school fees 50/50.

Thirtysix

*Louise* wrote: »

If you were to say to your ex that you were thinking about taking DD out of the school, would that 'encourage' him to find the school fees?

I can understand your frustration and can see that you are more annoyed that he appears to be using the money he does earn to pay his way for his lifestyle with his wife instead of his daughters education.

Louise...THANK YOU....you "get" it!......in a nutshell and far more succinctly than I have put it.

Gillyx

If I were you I'd go down the road of saying to your ex that you're struggling to afford the fees and are contemplating taking her out of the private school, and see how he re-acts to that. If he's self employed, from what I've heard going down the CSA route doesn't always help as it's easier to lie about how much you're earning.

Thirtysix

We met and it was a "I can't afford to contribute any more" from him."She will have to move schools and I am sure there are some that are OK around here,she will be fine and get over it".....

When I asked how much HE could contribute,the answer was "nothing due to work (or lack of) and I would rather spend what I do have taking her away twice a year"..............