Are Maintenance Payments Based on Household Income or Individual Income?

FBaby

It is a difficult situation. It could be that he agreed with the private school when you were together, but more to go along with your beliefs than his, so now not too bothered if she went to a state school, so doesn't feel too bad at giving that up. The fact that his SD goes to a private one, paid by her dad, doesn't mean he agrees that is a valuable way of spending money. Saying that, he should still contribute some maintenance. Is there some bitterness, or ignorance on his side relating to how much you make. Could he think you are actually better off than you really are?

In regards to the step-mother financial support, I would think it very much depend on the person, and very much their relationship. Do they get along, do they have some attachment to each other? I would think that if they do, her step-mum might be more likely to contribute, if not towards her fees, at least to support your ex so that he has some income left to support his daughter. If however they don't get along or have nothing to do with each other, then I can see her showing no interest in her school life.

Marisco

Normally I'd say keep away from the CSA, but in this case as he is paying nothing, I'd contact them. However if his income does not allow for 15% coming to £400 per month (his share of the schooling) then you are knacked!! I don't think the CSA will take school fees into account (nor should they) All they are interested in, is him paying the correct amount for his income.

As you see from threads here, getting a correct amount off someone self employed is notoriously difficult, but at least you might get something, as opposed to the nothing you get now. As the bairn is only 6, I would seriously think about looking for another school for her, she has a lot of schooling to get through, do you really want years and years of battles with ex over school fees? Even if he agrees to pay the fees now, she gets to 13/14, and something might happen that he couldn't afford it, how much worse would it be changing schools at that age??

peachyprice

Thirtysix wrote: »

Ex's new stepdaughter goes to a public school with fees of £25k per year,(paid for by her Father)has 2 ponies,skiing holidays and I won't bore you with the rest.

This has nothing to do with you, your daughter or your ex. Why are you even mentioning it? Her father is paying for her, do not hold the fact that her father is doing the right thing and your ex isn't against the child.

The only thing you can do is try the CSA, perhaps the thought of them digging about in his finances will prompt him into paying at least something towards his daughter.

I also cannot understand how your solicitor agreed to these arrangements when you divorced, you should have been advised that you were being seriously short-changed by not coming to a suitable maintenance agreement.

Thirtysix

Gillyx wrote: »

When we split,Ex refused to pay any "maintenance" (he was still earning at a similar level to his new wife)

I wouldn't have accepted his agreement to pay the fees, I'd have went the whole hog and hauled his tight !!!!! over the coals of the CSA, as at this point he was still earning and you would have been receiving more this way.

Although I do realise at this point in time it's by the by, tbh OP I really can't see a way for you to receive the money you need for your daughters schooling, from your ex-husband anyway. Whether he's not earning or he is and there is no paper trail, you'd find it difficult to prove.

It's a sad state of affairs when an adult human, shuns there children in such a way. Does he still see your daughter on scheduled visits?

Yes,with hindsight,I should have agreed it as "maintenance" not school fees etc etc .However,I had just lost both my Mother and my sieter within 6mts and didn't have the emotional emergy to battle.I just wanted as little impact on DD as possible.
In fairness to him,he does have DD every other weekend for one night,sometimes two and I would NEVER,EVER deny him that.DD absolutely adores him and I have worked very hard to maintain their relationship.It's not her fault.If he decides he no longer wants to continue that then that is up to him,I would NEVER make that call......

emsywoo123

OP, my DD has been in private education for 5.5 years now, and I have seen a fair few people come and go there, and unfortunately, those that have left have been for financial reasons.

The last boy that left had parents that were in the loooong process of separation, and the father kept changing his mind about paying the fees, and in the end the mother could not be beholden to him anymore, so she decided to move her son before he got too close tot he 11+ and it would become more of an issue.

I do totally understand that you want to keep her there (particularly with regards to her changeable home circumstances), there was a point that I thought (about 3 months ago) I might have to move DD, and it was an awful time.

Having said that, if this is not sorted out in fullness (which it realistically, from what you say, will not be) then IMHO you will have to remove her.

Thirtysix

peachyprice wrote: »

This has nothing to do with you, your daughter or your ex. Why are you even mentioning it? Her father is paying for her, do not hold the fact that her father is doing the right thing and your ex isn't against the child.

The only thing you can do is try the CSA, perhaps the thought of them digging about in his finances will prompt him into paying at least something towards his daughter.

I also cannot understand how your solicitor agreed to these arrangements when you divorced, you should have been advised that you were being seriously short-changed by not coming to a suitable maintenance agreement.

I only mentioned this fact as a previous poster mentioned the potential difference in lifestyle between my DD and hers,given they spend time together at weekends.That is all.

Thirtysix

emsywoo123 wrote: »

OP, my DD has been in private education for 5.5 years now, and I have seen a fair few people come and go there, and unfortunately, those that have left have been for financial reasons.

The last boy that left had parents that were in the loooong process of separation, and the father kept changing his mind about paying the fees, and in the end the mother could not be beholden to him anymore, so she decided to move her son before he got too close tot he 11+ and it would become more of an issue.

I do totally understand that you want to keep her there (particularly with regards to her changeable home circumstances), there was a point that I thought (about 3 months ago) I might have to move DD, and it was an awful time.

Having said that, if this is not sorted out in fullness (which it realistically, from what you say, will not be) then IMHO you will have to remove her.

I agree and I know it won't be the end of the world for her,I just would like to buy her a little more time there.
I had already started looking at moving house to somewhere with a decent state secondary school as I suspected Ex may duck out of obligations,there was little chance of me being able to afford fees on my own for all those years but also,I have absolutely no problem with the state system.I went through it ok.:D
I would just love to be able to keep her there till yr 6 when she could join a new secondary school along with a load of others.

pinkclouds

Thirtysix wrote: »

I only mentioned this fact as a previous poster mentioned the potential difference in lifestyle between my DD and hers,given they spend time together at weekends.That is all.

That poster might have been me. Tbh, it's looking likely that the only way dad will stump up is if the step-sibling shames her parents (step-father and mother) into it. If the two girls aren't close, then I doubt that will happen. I'd like to say something positive but I'm afraid all that the future is likely to bring is a (temporary but not necessarily permanently) soured relationship between father and daughter. (When the girls are together, they will not be thinking of the step-sibling's father or you - they will be thinking about how they are *apparently* treated within the present family unit. They will doubtlessly understand the realities once they are adults but they probably won't until then.)

I do hope you'll speak to the headmaster, as per my earlier suggestion, and see if they can help you in the interim - whether that "breathing space" leads to improved finances or a planned withdrawal from the school. It looks likely that you will have no further (significant) support from your ex-husband, even if you do pursue him for child maintenance.