Are Maintenance Payments Based on Household Income or Individual Income?

DUTR

princessdreamer wrote: »

Cool you can marry me and pay for my kids to go to private school:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

i'm sure you said you would lower your standards earlier

heh heh , I would marry you so that any estate does not got to an estranged child (but that is for a different thread), I seek a simple life, as long as I can have a car of my choice and and a home with a garage to park it in and continue with hobbies outside work and family, then all is good

msb5262

DUTR wrote: »

In your post #82

The rest you can try and entertain an argument all you like, but as we are not sleeping together, 1) I don't have to argue with you and 2) I don't have to let you win.

So if you want a sensible debate then that is fine, but if you want to spread rumour that the bloke in this case is wrong and the woman is right, then just say so, all you seem to be doing at present is trying to be-little what I type as if you are very narrowminded or a serious man hater, how do you know the Op does not have a new friend? And if she does why can he not pay the schooling ? I already know the answer, because it is WRONG to do so, well only if they opt to do so.

a) Post #82 was your post I'm afraid!
b) I didn't say that the NRP should absorb most/all of the changes to lifestyle - I actually said that both parents should move heaven and earth to keep their daughter's schooling unchanged for the time being.
c) I suggested that the dad should do his bit to pay his 50% of the fees as that was what he had agreed.

Not sure why this makes me narrow minded or a serious man hater?

Finally, I don't understand why the dad shouldn't pay what he agreed. If he chooses to put holidays for himself and new partner before the agreement he made for his daughter's benefit, I don't see why the mum's (so far as we know, imaginary) new partner should pay instead!

Marisco

msb5262 wrote: »

Finally, I don't understand why the dad shouldn't pay what he agreed. If he chooses to put holidays for himself and new partner before the agreement he made for his daughter's benefit, I don't see why the mum's (so far as we know, imaginary) new partner should pay instead!

But some are quite happy that the new wife should pay though!!! Maybe he cannot now afford to pay what he originally agreed to. According to the op his work is scarce, and maybe the ex's wife is not willing to pay, so what is the alternative? As for holidays etc, it's probably the wife that pays for all that, if she earns what the op says she does.

princessdreamer

DUTR wrote: »

heh heh , I would marry you so that any estate does not got to an estranged child (but that is for a different thread), I seek a simple life, as long as I can have a car of my choice and and a home with a garage to park it in and continue with hobbies outside work and family, then all is good

You can drive whatever you buy yourself, plenty of room to build a garage and as long as your outside interests arnt other women its all fine. Oh and you must like wine, dominos pizza and horror films.

I'll book the church, next Saturday ok?

DUTR

msb5262 wrote: »

a) Post #82 was your post I'm afraid!
b) I didn't say that the NRP should absorb most/all of the changes to lifestyle - I actually said that both parents should move heaven and earth to keep their daughter's schooling unchanged for the time being.
c) I suggested that the dad should do his bit to pay his 50% of the fees as that was what he had agreed.

Not sure why this makes me narrow minded or a serious man hater?

Finally, I don't understand why the dad shouldn't pay what he agreed. If he chooses to put holidays for himself and new partner before the agreement he made for his daughter's benefit, I don't see why the mum's (so far as we know, imaginary) new partner should pay instead!

Post#82 included what I reffered to , let me quote it again "It's not the OP's fault, nor is it the stepmother's responsibility - the dad should be doing whatever he can to keep his daughter's life as unchanged as possible. If that means him working extra hours or having less holidays, so be it. "

Anyways to me a simple bloke that reads as it reads , I'm not going to split hairs over it, as naturally in your post above, you indicate that what you typed at the time may not have been meant in that way.
Naturally you feel very strongly about children and raising costs,
the dad should not pay what he initially agreed because he like anybody else has a right to change his mind, there is a recession on, the Mum can make up the difference, if the imaginary new friends really loves the Mum, then he should take her for what she is and her circumstance and pay the difference. People do need holidays more than a child needs private schooling.

Gillyx

Marisco wrote: »

But some are quite happy that the new wife should pay though!!! Maybe he cannot now afford to pay what he originally agreed to. According to the op his work is scarce, and maybe the ex's wife is not willing to pay, so what is the alternative? As for holidays etc, it's probably the wife that pays for all that, if she earns what the op says she does.

I know in the instance of my father, he duly paid his maintenance for a good few years and when his ex wife decided a child was cramping her style a bit too much, turned up with my brother and left him on our doorstep.

She didn't work, so my dad received no support from her and she had a partner earning a large amount. What could my Dad do? Nothing, he cut his cloth accordingly because it was his son. I had a real frugal upbringing and I remember us never having any money.

I'm only trying to paint it from another point of view, as normally these threads are all about male bashing.

DUTR

princessdreamer wrote: »

You can drive whatever you buy yourself, plenty of room to build a garage and as long as your outside interests arnt other women its all fine. Oh and you must like wine, dominos pizza and horror films.

I'll book the church, next Saturday ok?

Housing is good, wine is passable, pizzas are bad for la physique but ok in moderation, I have enough love for more than one woman, only jealousy will spoil that side of things, next saturday is not good as Man UTD are coming to town and my team needs me
Anyways a no fuss wedding on a beach somewhere away from this cold weather is an option surely?

Thirtysix

Blimey! I disappear fro a bit and come back to find a right old hoo har:)

I now know the answer but I would like to make a few points both in my defence and also to thank those who were constructive and not assumptive or judgemental.

DD was born after fertility treatment so very planned,very wanted and at the time,we both had very well paid jobs.
We bot agreed to private schooling,actually (believe it or not but true)not based on the education but based on the facilities.The main one being woods to play in and build camps which is how we grew up but is not feasible where we now live.
When we split,Ex refused to pay any "maintenance" (he was still earning at a similar level to his new wife) but did agree to pay half the school fees.This amounted to just over £100 pw.

I pay for EVERYTHING else for our daughter.All uniform,school trips,gas,electricity,food,clothing,Brownies,insurance,car/fuel/tax,presents for birthday parties, EVERYTHING.

My work is extremely scarce and I am also severely limited with regards childcare and the cost versus what I may be able to earn.I have been living off savings that I thank God I had (but wish I hadn't due to them being from Mother and sister dying).I have cut our cloth immeasurably as the household income has halved but the overheads remained the same.

Yes,it is a choice to send DD to her school but for reasons which I don't wish to go into here,the emotional stability it has provided for her during some terrible times (in addition to our split) is beyond measure.I will do anything to maintain that for her for as long as possible.

Ex "says" he has "little work" and of course things have tailed off for most of us but I know for a fact,he is still earning and has a very "creative" accountant for his limited company.His point basically was that he would have to stop contributing towards the school fees and when I asked "what" he could contribute,the answer was basically "nothing" and if I couldn't afford to pay all the fees,we would have to get her into a local school. That in itself is far from easy.
He has not suggested we try to juggle/beg/steal/borrow for a time to see if we can get through, but as our arrangement is based around school fees and not typical maintenance,once DD is out of the school,he pays nothing.I did suggest that this seemed to suggest that he was never going to work again.......he responded with an uncomfortable squirm and a cough and changed the subject.

Ex's new stepdaughter goes to a public school with fees of £25k per year,(paid for by her Father)has 2 ponies,skiing holidays and I won't bore you with the rest.

Ex's lifestyle has not changed one iota,in fact,standard of living has improved,and cost of living arguably reduced.

All I want is for him to honour his agreement and help us find a way to keep DD at her school.I do not expect him to pay all the fees and as I said before,he pays nothing towards keeping our daughter fed,clothed and with a roof over her head. I suspect he is lying about his income and this is very hard to prove.What I can prove is his wife's income which is the only reason she has been brought into this at all.
She earns considerably over £100k basic and last year,received the same again as a bonus.

I DO NOT expect her to support DD but in the absence of being able to prove what ex's real earnings are and him refusing to stick to his side of our agreement led to my original question. The question was about household income versus individual being taken into consideration with regards to maintenance.......:(

Gillyx

When we split,Ex refused to pay any "maintenance" (he was still earning at a similar level to his new wife)

I wouldn't have accepted his agreement to pay the fees, I'd have went the whole hog and hauled his tight !!!!! over the coals of the CSA, as at this point he was still earning and you would have been receiving more this way.

Although I do realise at this point in time it's by the by, tbh OP I really can't see a way for you to receive the money you need for your daughters schooling, from your ex-husband anyway. Whether he's not earning or he is and there is no paper trail, you'd find it difficult to prove.

It's a sad state of affairs when an adult human, shuns there children in such a way. Does he still see your daughter on scheduled visits?

fannyanna

Op I'm sorry but I'm really not sure what the solution is in your scenario. I would always suggest going to the CSA if the NRP is not willing to pay maintenance. I would still suggest that you contact them but sadly you and I both know that what the CSA calculate his liability to be will more than likely be a lot less than what it should be. I'm really not sure there is a way around this and I really feel for you.