Are Maintenance Payments Based on Household Income or Individual Income?

fannyanna

msb5262 wrote: »

I'm afraid this is true - a new baby may be YOUR first baby but it's not the first child in the family.
If you choose to settle down with someone who already has children, you've made that choice and it's disingenuous to talk about "what if" he hadn't had to support his children...he did have to support them and that's the person you picked.
I know it's not easy but it's the decision you made.

At the risk of sounding like a broken record - I have already said quite a few times that I chose to marry my husband and was aware of the consequences. The comments that I have made were merely a response to a question and my way of showing the sacrifices that I have made as a step parent.

And of course I had a choice. I have said it a million times.

But as a woman who is struggling to conceive a much wanted baby I stupidly added that whilst I accept my choice it does on ocassions upset me.

I don't think it's unreasonbable to be upset about struggling to conceive a baby (that we're now in the financial position to afford) but perhaps I'm wrong.

miss.bint

princessdreamer wrote: »

You made that choice, if your bills are too high for two incomes try the DFW board, his children come before your need to have a baby.

That's a bit harsh!

Flame me all you want, but from reading this and other threads, I get the feeling that there are a lot of bitter, single mothers on here!

There's no such thing as impartial advice on issues like this, is there?!

msb5262

DUTR wrote: »

The post started off well, but then drifted off onto it's always the blokes fault?
How do we know why the couple split, who is to say the Mum was not entertaining the milkman?
Life is always a chance and risk, we don't know what is around the corner.

As you say, we don't know why the couple split.

What we do know is that the parents agreed to pay the school fees 50:50.

The OP is keeping to her side of the bargain - Dad is the one who has changed his mind.

Now can you explain where I said "it's always the bloke's fault"?

Please?

princessdreamer

miss.bint wrote: »

That's a bit harsh!

Flame me all you want, but from reading this and other threads, I get the feeling that there are a lot of bitter, single mothers on here!

There's no such thing as impartial advice on issues like this, is there?!

The DFW boards would be a great help to prioritise things, even the best run household budgets can be tinkered with to make room for savings. That way no-one misses out and this step mother stops being bitter herself.

fannyanna

princessdreamer wrote: »

That way no-one misses out and this step mother stops being bitter herself.

I'm not bitter. I just disagree with your opinion that I should love my step children as my own and that I should financially provide for them.

Do you call everyone with an opinion other than yours bitter?

princessdreamer

No honey but you are coming across as holding a resentment towards his children. Anyway I get called bitter who cares its just a word.

DUTR

msb5262 wrote: »

As you say, we don't know why the couple split.

What we do know is that the parents agreed to pay the school fees 50:50.

The OP is keeping to her side of the bargain - Dad is the one who has changed his mind.

Now can you explain where I said "it's always the bloke's fault"?

Please?

In post #82 where you wrote " the dad should be doing whatever he can to keep his daughter's life as unchanged as possible."

Without wanting to create further debate, the couple have split , life has changed, and that change may affect everybody, what if they were together and the father lost his well paid job, the private schooling would still have to cease, it's not about being envious of the private schooling thing, if the OP was unable to feed and clothe the child, then yes all the help that can be gathered, it's starting to seem more about saving face down at the elevenses club

fannyanna

princessdreamer wrote: »

No honey but you are coming across as holding a resentment towards his children. Anyway I get called bitter who cares its just a word.

In a way I can understand why you'd think that. But It's simply my opinion that they're not my children and to a certain extent not my responsibility. I wont bore you again but I'd hope you can see that I do accept responsibility to a certain extent but beyond that I expect their Mother and Father to provide for them. If not we can just disagree - and that's fine (it would be a boring albeit perhaps easier world if we all agreed).

Darn pressed send before I'd finished..........

Gillyx

Just a wondering of mines, if payments via CSA are 15/20% of the NRPs earnings, could it be true in this case, that the father was paying more than he was legally obliged to by law for a while?

Obviously depending on school fees (I think someone quoted around £15000 a year) and how much the OP's ex partner earns. But as far as I'm aware the majority of people in this country are earning nowhere near that.

fannyanna

fannyanna wrote: »

In a way I can understand why you'd think that. But It's simply my opinion that they're not my children and to a certain extent not my responsibility. I wont bore you again but I'd hope you can see that I do accept responsibility to a certain extent but beyond that I accept their Mother and Father to provide for them. If not we can just disagree - and that's fine (it would be a boring albeit perhaps easier world if we all agreed).

Darn pressed send before I'd finished..........

I was also going to say that having re-read my post I can understand why you'd think I was bitter about the fertility bit.

And yes for me that is a highly emotive subject. And whilst I can see my choice of wording was not great it is a subject that would cause me great pain and distress whether I was a step parent or not.

What I'm trying to say is that I know it would have been an issue anyway so I don't hold it against my step children.

It's just sometimes a difficult thing to deal with - and it would very much appear that I'm having one of those days