Silly question about leaving home :-*

Errata

You've left home = Parents, I have no desire to live under your roof, I've found somewhere better.

ziggles50

Mojisola wrote: »

Is your Stepmum really happy with all her stuff still being in the shed? If you approach her right, you can work together on getting the house sorted out. She can move in properly and you can get your stuff into boxes. Once you see her stuff around the place, it will probably be easier for you to let go of the emotional attachments.

Any ideas on how to approach her right- i always get these things wrong. She is lovely and had to put up with a lot so i don't want tohurt her (which is why i'm on here:()
I'm thinking...How about Christmas holidays we get the house sorted and we get your stuff inside create some space for Dad in the shed. And while we're at it- get my stuff out for when i move into an unfurnished place.

PuppyLove_2

I moved out 2 years ago and my old bedroom at my parents house is exactly as i left it! Admitidly my parents have a 5 bed house so they have other rooms to use and i am an only child so no brothers and sisters to use the other rooms.

My mum has said she would like to redecorate my old bedroom but i know that it will always be my room whenever I want to stay there!

ziggles50

Errata wrote: »

You've left home = Parents, I have no desire to live under your roof, I've found somewhere better.

Not really- and they know it.

peachyprice

ziggles50 wrote: »

It's not just some stuff- it's a whole kitchen's worth. Bought by me for me to use for my whole family while living on my parents house as they didn't do the deed. I think it would be unreasonable to say that i leave it there forever and then buy more of my own stuff for my own house.

I don't quite understand the status of the kitchen stuff. What do you mean it was bought for you to use for the whole family? Was there nothing in the kitchen so it was bought so the family could use it, or was it bought specifically for you? Who bought it for you/your family?

I don't know what this bit 'they didn't do the deed' refers to at all.

Is it possible that there's kitchen stuff in the boxes your step mum has in the shed that she would quite like to use?

Alikay

Errata wrote: »

You've left home = Parents, I have no desire to live under your roof, I've found somewhere better.

Maybe, but most parents are happy to be the safety net when their children are learning to fly.

There's a big difference, though, in keeping the door open when a child flies the nest at, say 18 or 20 as my kids were and how you may feel if it's a 30 year old finally shuffling off to live independently.

Mojisola

ziggles50 wrote: »

Any ideas on how to approach her right- i always get these things wrong. She is lovely and had to put up with a lot so i don't want tohurt her (which is why i'm on here:()

I'm thinking...How about Christmas holidays we get the house sorted and we get your stuff inside create some space for Dad in the shed. And while we're at it- get my stuff out for when i move into an unfurnished place.

It's hard for anyone else to give advice as we don't know the person involved and how she may react to different approaches but that sounds like a good start.

thorsoak

ziggles50 wrote: »

Any ideas on how to approach her right- i always get these things wrong. She is lovely and had to put up with a lot so i don't want tohurt her (which is why i'm on here:()
I'm thinking...How about Christmas holidays we get the house sorted and we get your stuff inside create some space for Dad in the shed. And while we're at it- get my stuff out for when i move into an unfurnished place.

That sounds like a good idea! And when she asks "what stuff do you want to take with you?" do you mean the kitchen stuff??? Will you propose that Dad buys her new kitchen stuff?

When our 4 were at uni, "their" bedrooms stayed "their" rooms - although they might have been used for visitors etc whilst they were away. But once they'd left uni, sorted themselves out job/career wise, then things changed - when DD moved out, No 3 son moved into her room and his room became another bathroom - and when DSs 1 & 2 moved out, their rooms were returned to 1 double room (which No3 moved into ).

When we downsized (and No 3 moved out ) we gave them all notice that we were NOT taking their "treasured possessions" which they had all left behind in the loft - and they had 3 months in which to claim them or we would freecycle them ....and I reckon that we freecycled 85% of the stuff!

System

ziggles50 wrote: »

Any ideas on how to approach her right- i always get these things wrong. She is lovely and had to put up with a lot so i don't want tohurt her (which is why i'm on here:()
I'm thinking...How about Christmas holidays we get the house sorted and we get your stuff inside create some space for Dad in the shed. And while we're at it- get my stuff out for when i move into an unfurnished place.

I would suggest NOT over Christmas holidays tbh, people want to just enjoy the break...make it after New Year, when the decorations are coming down and a bit of a clean up is going on anyway. then you can organise where everything is going and get your step mums stuff in once and for all.

bluenoseam

I'm pretty sure when i move out my Mum's turning my room into a storage space before i've even shut the door and if my sister moves out before me i'm claiming the room a week later since i'm in the box room! But yeah, you moved out - no claim to anything, when i do move out i'll be happy with a sofa to crash on if the need arises.