Silly question about leaving home :-*

newcook

Im also very surprised that the brother hasn’t claimed the bigger room! If I was him I would have given it a month before moving out the boxroom!!

Youdontseeme

Yes your being silly, but I get it!

I was really hurt when my parents turned my room into an office while keeping my sisters room as a shrine. I now have to stay in what was the office a pokey little box room.

See it as a vote of confidence that you are mature enough to "make it" and wont be going back, while my sister moved back home after a year or two, I'm not sure if it is true or not but thats what I convinced myself of!!

YDSM

System

"Furthermore I am still on the move and so have 'stuff' that I need to take back home until my next move. Do i have to put it in the loft or can i insist it be kept easily accessible in my room?"

It's not your room or your home, you moved out..if you are still on the move, pay for storage ( or at least offer to pay your parents to keep it in the attic, and YOU carry it up there not them. )

Mojisola

It is difficult to cut the ties to "your" room before you have a permanent place to call your own. If you're in state of flux with no-where else you feel is home, it's understandable that you want to keep some ownership in your family home but, after nine months, it's not surprising that your Dad and Stepmum have taken over the space.

poppy_f1

your lucky you still have a bed at your parents....i dont


actually i took my bed with me when i moved out so partly my fault but if for any reason i had to stay at my mums then it would be the floor or on the sofa

ziggles50

Mojisola wrote: »

It is difficult to cut the ties to "your" room before you have a permanent place to call your own. If you're in state of flux with no-where else you feel is home, it's understandable that you want to keep some ownership in your family home but, after nine months, it's not surprising that your Dad and Stepmum have taken over the space.

I'm not surprised either. As you can see i have "issues". The lat thing i want to do is fight a nonsense battle but at this point they are all nonsense battles but this is the one that is irritating me just now. I just don't want to cause any drama for poor Stepmum.
Yes i need to let it go.......wooo saaahhhh:cool:

Alikay

My eldest 2 children left home a couple of years ago within 2 weeks of each other. DD moved 5 minutes away into the house she was buying with her fiance (they married 4 months later) and I had no qualms about her room becoming the spare room with all the dumping ground connotations. DS1 on the other hand was moving away for work and was planning to come back and visit often, so his room remained his room. He has since returned for a few months and recently moved back out again, but until he seems permanently settled in a real home, maybe with a gf, it will stay his room.

I view it that DD's move was permanent and DS1 is still not settled, so until the day he IS, he always has a home here.

I think OP, the fact that your stepmother has now moved in, means things are a bit different for you. She has never had a parental role with you so it won't occur to her to keep your space in the family nest, in case you need it. I can understand how you feel but viewed logically (rather than from an maternal, more emotional angle) you've moved out and it's no longer your home.

DH joined the army when he was 16, right at the point his parents divorced. They sold the family home and neither of them provided a base for him as they both considered that he'd left home. I know they had their reasons, but I don't think I'll ever forgive them - he didn't have a home to call his own until we got together when he was 22.

ziggles50

poppy_f1 wrote: »

your lucky you still have a bed at your parents....i dont


actually i took my bed with me when i moved out so partly my fault but if for any reason i had to stay at my mums then it would be the floor or on the sofa

hehe i might still take the bed in the future...see if i post about that on here!:p

ziggles50

Mojisola wrote: »

It sounds as if a session of de-cluttering would help. If everything was organised better, would there be room to store your stuff and let your stepmum bring her possessions into the house?

The kitchen stuff is difficult. You're wanting to be able to return to the house whenever it suits you and store your stuff there but are objecting to some stuff you've bought being used - isn't that a bit one-sided?

It's not just some stuff- it's a whole kitchen's worth. Bought by me for me to use for my whole family while living on my parents house as they didn't do the deed. I think it would be unreasonable to say that i leave it there forever and then buy more of my own stuff for my own house.

A declutter would be a plan. I am finding it difficult to find a way to suggest we do a swop- her stuff in the house/kitchen my stuff out to the shed- quite happy with that!:)

Mojisola

Is your Stepmum really happy with all her stuff still being in the shed? If you approach her right, you can work together on getting the house sorted out. She can move in properly and you can get your stuff into boxes. Once you see her stuff around the place, it will probably be easier for you to let go of the emotional attachments.