My daughter dislikes my partner..

BWZN93

I agree with many of the earlier posters on this thread. OP, you have absolutely no idea how this has affected your daughter at a critical time in her life. All you want is for her to accept the changes you have forced on her life with very little warning and to like it? And that's essentially what you are asking, because you've already stated that you aren't willing to bend to anything she would even consider to be acceptable. You've ignored every sensible comment on this thread that suggests that the problem may indeed lie with YOU rather than her. You've repeatedly failed to answer to any questions that may in turn result in a finger of blame put in your direction, and you fail to recognise that your daughter didnt fall in love with the new guy, she is just having to live with the consequences of your emotions.

Put it this way - if your home and security as you knew it had been smashed to pieces and rapidly put back together with with a new guy in the mix, and the best friend you had was hijacked into some kind of step-sister that you were now being compared against - I think you'd have a bloody big problem too.

I actually cant believe at 33 years old you are so blinded by 'love' into not realising that her behaviour and reluctance to get involved in this new monster family you created are perfectly understandable and quite frankly, of your own making. You rushed into a new relationship and pushed this guy on her. Her home no longer feels like her own. How you are still not listening to the comments put on this thread? Yes, you cant turn the clock back, but you cant make your daughter happy with the situation by force.

My personal feelings are that you are an incredibly irresponsible woman. You thought about yourself before your daughter's well-being and you'd be mindful to realise this, and quickly.

Lunar_Eclipse

Jelly*baby wrote: »

She's not 'bad' just deals with her upset/anger in a very very hard way for everyone to deal with. You know the other night my brother and sister were round for dinner, dd was at her dads. She walked in and was all smiles and lovely and the rest of the night was great. My sister actually commented on how nice she was as normally she is rude or moody and told her she should be a bit happier for everyones sakes as it is such a nicer atmosphere all round.

That confirms my suspicion that basically, you're simply dealing with normal teenage behaviour (which I fear is like living with Jekyll & Hyde - only much worse!) which is why I really think holiday exclusion would be extremely cruel and potentially damage your long term relationship with her.

Lunar_Eclipse

I also can't help but wonder if your daughter is grieving the break up of your relationship with her dad?

It sounds like your last break up might have only occured about a year ago (so I'm staggered you're already living with someone else, but presumably you know what you're doing.) Essentially, she might actually be longing, perhaps subconsciously, for a reconciliation so doesn't want your new relationship to work out. Maybe she sees your new boyfriend as the main obstacle stopping her family being together (again.)

This is actually quite heartbreaking. I hope you manage to work things out with her, all the best.

Welshwoofs

*max* wrote: »

You should have just gone with it and not said anything, especially not the likes of " See? you're so awful usually, look how nice it is when you're acting lovely". It's a very negative comment, it would have really annoyed and embarrassed me.

Erm....the Op didn't say that - her sister did.

Jelly*baby wrote: »

My sister actually commented on how nice she was as normally she is rude or moody and told her she should be a bit happier for everyones sakes as it is such a nicer atmosphere all round.

*max*

Welshwoofs wrote: »

Erm....the Op didn't say that - her sister did.

Apologies. The way I read it though, she seems to think it was ok.

Welshwoofs

*max* wrote: »

Apologies. The way I read it though, she seems to think it was ok.

....even if that's true (and you are making assumptions on that front), it's still not the same as the Op saying it.

I'm being picky over this as the Op has had an awful lot of personal flack on this thread so I feel it's only fair not to heap blame on her as well for something she didn't actually do

*max*

Welshwoofs wrote: »

....even if that's true (and you are making assumptions on that front), it's still not the same as the Op saying it.

I'm being picky over this as the Op has had an awful lot of personal flack on this thread so I feel it's only fair not to heap blame on her as well for something she didn't actually do

That's fair enough, I'm sorry.

mikey72

Welshwoofs wrote: »

Erm....the Op didn't say that - her sister did.

to be honest here, the sister would have a slap. It's one of those things that parents can say, if in a different positive way, but no one else.

mumps

I have been a 13 year old with a new step dad and I have been in OPs position. I think people are a bit harsh. Having a relationship does not mean you don't care about your child or that she is way down on your priority list. I was often sullen with my step dad, can't tell you why but I think I was being a teenager. My DS played up so much when I remarried that one day I said to him, "You win, lets pack up and go. I know its hard, in a few years you will want a life of your own and you will be saddled with me but so be it." A look of horror crossed his face and he said we shouldn't rush things. He continued to be a teenager but not quite such a horror. They get on well now.

coolcait

Welshwoofs wrote: »

....even if that's true (and you are making assumptions on that front), it's still not the same as the Op saying it.

I'm being picky over this as the Op has had an awful lot of personal flack on this thread so I feel it's only fair not to heap blame on her as well for something she didn't actually do

It was a shockingly insensitive thing for the aunt to say, however. The fact that the OP has reported it with such (apparent) lack of concern - even approval - suggests that she didn't take her sister to one side and ask her to keep that type of comment to herself.

It's bad enough being a thirteen year old. Being a thirteen year old who is caught up in family circumstances of the 'you couldn't make it up' variety must be a million times worse.

Getting subjected to 'talks' when she doesn't behave well (unspecified), and 'comments' when she does behave well can't make it any easier.

My sympathies lie with the daughter.

The OP appears completely oblivious to how her actions have caused/contributed to the situation; insensitive to the effect which others might be having on her daughter; and unwilling to listen to any suggestion that she is anything other than the victim of circumstances and a difficult child.