Contact issues

make_me_wise

chirpchirp wrote: »

He chose to have a new life and should get on with it in my book.

chirpchirp wrote: »

I don't buy things that will go to his property and he shouldn't buy things for here.

Okay so he chose to have a new life and he is getting on with it. Just because he has moved on and the OP is no longer in his life does not mean his kids wont be. I get the impression the OP wishes this were the case and that her life would be a whole lot easier if the ex towed the line and did exactly what she wants or stays away for good.

The second comment about buying things to go to each others property is just petty. It shouldn't be about where items are going. If the dad wants to buy something for the kids because they need it why the need to make the kids feel they cant bring it home. If they are truning into brats maybe they are rebelling about an important person in their life being so hated by their mum.

gratefulforhelp_2

OP it is not for him to dictate contact times, it is to be agreed between you.

And your children are too young to be on social networking sites.

princessdreamer

make_me_wise wrote: »

If they are truning into brats maybe they are rebelling about an important person in their life being so hated by their mum.

Funny my children have no issues with being brats and unsurprisingly I am not a huge fan of the ex husband. the father in this case is trying to buy the children's affection and undermine the mother.

make_me_wise

princessdreamer wrote: »

Funny my children have no issues with being brats and unsurprisingly I am not a huge fan of the ex husband. the father in this case is trying to buy the children's affection and undermine the mother.

The father is trying to provide for his kids and continue a positive relationship with them. He doesn't need the mothers permission to buy whatever he feels their children need. Some women dont seem to understand that when you divorce the whole dynamics of a relationship change.

You have to put your differences and the wreck of your marriage behind you and work with one another. Reach a compromise you are both happy with, not lay the law down and expect a grown adult to fit in with you and your ideals or else. No wonder there are so many women out there bitter with an ex who doesn't have any respect for them.

Gigglepig

OP in what way does OH buying a school bag undermine you?

It sounds like quite a useful present and as their dad he should be allowed to give them presents as he sees fit, unless completely off the rails unreasonable or harmful? Even if slightly annoying, does it really matter in the grand scheme of things?

I think it is a shame if isn't possible for the kids to bring their presents, clothes, toys etc with them... they shouldn't need to be put in a loyalty conflict

Toomuchdebt

I have 6 children -2 fathers-until recently the eldest 4 saw their father any time they wanted-he had them every weekend.Their choice now not to see him-long story.I was with the father of the youngest 2 until recently and I have also said he can see them whenever he likes. Of course he usually asks first if it's convenient but has been known to drop by if he's in the area and I really can't see a problem with it. He buys them presents too and that's up to him. Maybe it's just me but I really really can't see a problem with a father buying things (that I may not be able to afford) or wanting to see kids more often. My youngest 2 are only 3 and 18 months but once they are older I would be perfectly happy for them to talk to him on facebook and come and tell me that "daddy said he'd like to see us on saturday" for example. Am I missing something or am I odd??

Caroline_a

The difficulty with presents from the NRP is that you probably feel you would buy better/cheaper/different so you don't want his stuff anywhere near you. However, to the children they are still something that daddy gave them, and they probably want to show it to you - not to say 'daddy gave me this and you didnt' but more as they would take something new to school to show.

Yes it's hard them bringing home stuff that you never wanted him to buy them - and I promise that when they get older it will be far worse! However, you have to be the adult here, and act as if it's fine... even though you are seething inside.

make_me_wise

princessdreamer wrote: »

I think my ex showed he had no respect for anyone let alone me and the children when he stole from us, emptied mine and my children's bank accounts, ran up huge debts, slept with other women and ignored his own children for over a year. I would love to know how you are supposed to reach a compromise when all he does is send abusive messages along with his current girlfriend (who he tells insane lies to) and on the last couple of occasions we saw him he hit me and our son. We have no contact number or address for him, the only number we have is the girlfriend which we found by accident on the phone bill, was told it was someone else in the family so imagine my surprise when I phoned it and got her.
He pays nothing for the children, he does nothing and has refused mediation. So make me wise what should I do to sort this?

Other people on this thread have expressed the same opinions as me, so why single me out to resolve your relationship problems. It is up to you and your ex to do that not someone on an internet forum answering a thread that actually isn't about you

dirtysexymonkey

can we please not have yet another thread where princessdreamer makes it all about her and her ex, who she hates so very, very much. we all know. christ knows we all know. but frankly we dont care. so zip it.

make_me_wise

Oh schucks dsm, you've come in with your voice of reason, what a spoilsport. I have just got my bullet proof vest on, not an easy job when you are 8+ months pregnant with twins.

*Shuffles off to get changed*