Contact issues

chirpchirp

dirtysexymonkey wrote: »

if he earns minimum wage, no. but if hes relatively well off then yes.

does it really matter in the grand scheme of things? a bag is not going to turn a child into a brat. you might not like this but ive seen a lot of posts from pwc claiming that the nrp is turning their kids into brats, while completely ignoring that for the vast majority of the time, the pwc is parenting, and so the majority influence is them.

im not saying this is you, but there are a lot of pwc on this board who blame everything bad on the nrp, but claim responsibility for everything good. it doesnt work like that.

with the attitude youve expressed, the only people being hurt are your kids, and they will notice in the end.

theyll know if one parent is trying to buy them, but theyll also notice the reason for this. theyre not stupid.

One bag, no that won't turn her into a brat but the constant buying will. I sent him a sharp email and he has returned it with a call and his usual apology. As far as he is concerned daughter has lied and he would like the bag back for now.

He has also agreed to send through future contact times and to discuss things with me first - hmm been here and had this conversation before but this time I'm going to make him stick to it.

make_me_wise

It sounds to me as if this man has put you through hell in the past OP. My advice is to not allow him to continue making you feel the way you do right now. What is of paramount importance here is your childrens welfare and wellbeing. Your kids need two parents working together so far as they are concerned and putting their needs above everything else. Its going to take for your relationship with him to be stripped back to just being good parents to your kids so they grow into the kind of adults you want them to be. Have you tried mediation or counselling with him? Otherwise till they are grown up and off your hands life will be miserable.

mrs_marty

It is difficult if you feel like you are being undermined, and he should stick to any arrangements made by yourselves rather than using social networking sites, he also needs to realise that he is leaving himself wide open to being manipulated by his children once they cotton on he will buy them the expensive items they want regardless of behaviour etc. (by that I mean if you stipulated no for a good reason)

My ex husband doesn't buy his children a blooming thing, so on the flip side at least he is trying - could you not negotiate on big expensive gifts? he buys one thing you another or go 50/50?

fannyanna

They really do need a *rolls eyes* smiley on this site.

The majority of posts about "part-time Dad's" are normally flaming them for "getting on with their new lives", for not wanting to see the children, for not calling them and for not buying the children anything.

It would appear from your posts that they really are in a lose, lose situation and that they can't do anything right.

Personally I think you would moan if your ex did the complete opposite of what he is doing now. You're clearly bitter (completely understandable) from the break up of your relationship but you need to learn to deal with that and not just attack everything that your ex does.

chirpchirp

fannyanna wrote: »

They really do need a *rolls eyes* smiley on this site.

The majority of posts about "part-time Dad's" are normally flaming them for "getting on with their new lives", for not wanting to see the children, for not calling them and for not buying the children anything.

It would appear from your posts that they really are in a lose, lose situation and that they can't do anything right.

Personally I think you would moan if your ex did the complete opposite of what he is doing now. You're clearly bitter (completely understandable) from the break up of your relationship but you need to learn to deal with that and not just attack everything that your ex does.

Yes I would moan if he did the complete opposite, I'm not asking for the complete opposite. All I want is some consideration as to why I've said no and for him to discuss things rather than take his normal cowardly way out.

flutterby_lil

Fannyanna I have to agree with you.

OP it can't be easy and I sympathise with you but I don't think you should be trying to limit contact. They need their dad and he has every right to be in their life.

dirtysexymonkey

chirpchirp wrote: »

No he didn't. He posted himself naked on the internet, sent texts to another man of a sexual act, was in great debt but gave women from dating sites huge handouts whilst I was saying no to the children about items and was on the dating sites for at least 18 months. He claims to have never had an affair or so he says. There was also huge elements of control all cited in the divorce petition. That's just the abbreviated version!

how long ago was this? mabye when he remarries and you do too, youll be less bitter.

dirtysexymonkey

chirpchirp wrote: »

Yes I would moan if he did the complete opposite, I'm not asking for the complete opposite. All I want is some consideration as to why I've said no and for him to discuss things rather than take his normal cowardly way out.

its clear you dont want discussion. you want him to do as you say. it doesnt work like that.

i feel so sorry for your children because they will pick up on your bitterness and hatred.

how long ago did this happen? from your attitude it sounds very recently.

chirpchirp

flutterby_lil wrote: »

Fannyanna I have to agree with you.

OP it can't be easy and I sympathise with you but I don't think you should be trying to limit contact. They need their dad and he has every right to be in their life.

I'm not trying to limit contact, I'm trying to get notice of contact in advance and for him to use social networking more considerately. I'm happy for them to chat on there with him as long as he then discusses with me things such as contact rather than expecting the kids to tell me when he is coming. I think I have now got this through to him.

dirtysexymonkey

chirpchirp wrote: »

I'm not trying to limit contact, I'm trying to get notice of contact in advance and for him to use social networking more considerately. I'm happy for them to chat on there with him as long as he then discusses with me things such as contact rather than expecting the kids to tell me when he is coming. I think I have now got this through to him.

maybe your attitude is partly to blame? i cant blame him for not wanting to speak to you if your attitude towards him is like this.