Contact issues

chirpchirp

He remarried over a year ago, this has nothing to do with bitterness this is about the way he continues to undermine matters in my home

DSM, it appears this has touched a nerve with you, as you have been quite personal, perhaps you should take a cold hard look at yourself and ask if in fact you are the bitter one.

flutterby_lil

chirpchirp wrote: »

I'm not trying to limit contact, I'm trying to get notice of contact in advance and for him to use social networking more considerately. I'm happy for them to chat on there with him as long as he then discusses with me things such as contact rather than expecting the kids to tell me when he is coming. I think I have now got this through to him.

Are they old enough at 12 and 9 for social networking sites?

I know I wouldn't let mine at that age use them!

flutterby_lil

Have you both tried mediation?

dirtysexymonkey

chirpchirp wrote: »

He remarried over a year ago, this has nothing to do with bitterness this is about the way he continues to undermine matters in my home

DSM, it appears this has touched a nerve with you, as you have been quite personal, perhaps you should take a cold hard look at yourself and ask if in fact you are the bitter one.

my nerves remain completely untouched. im sorry if you think ive been personal with you, but im not the only poster to pick up on your very obvious bitterness. perhaps you should consider that you are partly to blame. they are not just your children, they are his too. you need to accept that.

chirpchirp

flutterby_lil wrote: »

Have you both tried mediation?

We have considered it, I've told him to deal with booking it. I doubt he will. I see little point in it as he generally goes back on his word but I'll give him the benefit of the doubt - again!

The children aren't old enough for social networking sites but there is huge peer pressure for the eldest and as we were moving away from her friends as her grandfather was ill and did actually die, we came to a compromise. I have access to her password and periodically check her account. I have occasionally found things I've disliked and we've discussed these together. The nine year old set himself up but doesn't really use it, I also have access to his password.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

The children are too young to have facebook/social networking accounts. Cut them off.

Otherwise, for whatever reason you may like to complain about, you've encouraged it to happen.


And all internet access should be supervised at such a young age.

princessdreamer

You need to set times when he can call or have contact with the children. Get rid of bloody facebook it causes nothing but grief. Tell him he can call on say two set nights a week and have them every other weekend. Set rules stick to them.

As to the original question my ex never sees, never call and never bothers with my children. Sad as it may seem it is bliss even the children feel hapier without him around.

Caroline_a

After a really acrimonious fight over residency, my ex and I settled into a relatively 'civilised' relationship, however he never paid me a penny maintenance for my daughter. He would duck and dive in and out of jobs as and when the CSA chased him, however I felt it was unfair to use contact to 'get back' at him. He had every contact he requested, which was always staying contact as we were 200 miles away. However, on the subject of presents, he always bought her cheap rubbish that was quickly discarded, never asked what she needed/wanted, and the final straw was paying for her, at 16, to have a body piercing that I had already said no to!

Of course, once it was done, it was done, and I'm over it now, but at the time I was furious. Oh, and when she came back, every single time she was like the child from hell for about a week... and then settled back to her sweet self again.

make_me_wise

Maybe he feels unable to communicate with you directly. It is clear that you are furious with him and men dont like to be 'told' what to do. They do like to feel that their feelings and opinions will be acknowledged and considered.

We have heard many times how you would like things to be. Not alot of meeting him half way to be honest. It seems to be your way or the highyway.

clearingout

make_me_wise wrote: »

Maybe he feels unable to communicate with you directly. It is clear that you are furious with him and men dont like to be 'told' what to do. They do like to feel that their feelings and opinions will be acknowledged and considered.

We have heard many times how you would like things to be. Not alot of meeting him half way to be honest. It seems to be your way or the highyway.

Whilst I see what you're getting at, I don't personally sense this from the OP. What I do sense is pure frustration at having made agreements and having them broken, at feeling undermined in her parenting, at feeling the children are being used as go-betweens etc. etc. etc.

I am personally very, very bitter about the way my ex has treated both me and the children. And very, very angry. But I do my best to let it wash over me and ask myself 'will this matter in a week, a month, a year...?' whilst biting my lip very hard and not responding until I have had a word with myself!

There is a fine line between anger/bitterness and wanting what's best for the children and feeling crap about the way things are working. At worst, I think the OP is probably walking that line....